Can someone unpick this text for me from woman I'm seeing?

[kyletile]

I've been in a relationship with someone for the past 5 months. It is going much slower than she would like, I am aware of that. This is due to my work, and when I have my children. She has said that I am 'emotionally closed off' and don't arrange dates often. I would agree with her on this but it is who I am and at 5 months in it's how I feel comfortable at the moment. This morning I woke up to this text and haven't yet responded as to be honest, I'm not really sure what she wants from it. Is it a break up text? Is it an ultimatum? Anyone any idea?

'Hey, I’m been having a think and I feel you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. This has been playing on my mind quite a bit and I don’t feel emotionally you can give me what I need at the moment due to this. I feel I have been making a lot of effort, trying to arrange to see you, expressing my feelings, trying to have open conversations with you and I am being met with a lack of enthusiasm, a lack of interest and an overall aloofness that leaves me feeling discontented.

Therefore, I’ve decided that I’m going to pull back and live my life. I will leave the door open, however, I’m no longer interested in texting everyday or expending my energy, if we’re not moving forward in some way. Ie, you arranging dates frequently and for a change/getting to know me on a deeper level. You said you noticed I hadn’t been as sexual, and I need emotional closeness with someone for my sexual desire to be kept ignited. It can’t possibly survive on dick pics and sexts with no depth or closeness to the person I am sharing with. I’m going to continue living my life, I’m going to start dating others again and I’m going to step away from, what feels to me, to be a toxic situation.

I’m not sure if this is how you are in general, or if it’s just with me. As much as I hope you can work through your emotional blocks and allow yourself to be vulnerable, I’m not asking you to apologise or change yourself. However, should this be a temporary state of mind then as I’ve said, I’ve left the door open for now if you wish to reach out. If not, then I wish you the best.'

I'm not sure what she wants from me. I tell her I'm interested and have feelings for her, but she says she doesn't feel it. She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait.

In a nutshell.

In other words, if you start off with a relationship which is 110% sex and nothing else, it is very difficult to convert it into something else because your credibility around being able to do that (convert it) is trashed from the start.

What is striking tho i the "I can't believe it" response men sometimes have if a woman dares to take sex off the table because she no longer wants a sex only relationship.

If you are in an emotional romantic relationship with someone you are entitled to break up with them. An arrangement where you only meet for sex has the same rules, either side can stop at any time and for any reason.

You clearly know this woman better than the OP does.

That wouldn’t be difficult. I expect her postman knows her better than OP.

There's too much talk of dick picks on this thread. It's supposed to be primarily for women. To balance this out, I am posting a picture of my pussy. You have been warned.

And this

She wants a deeper relationship, and to see you regularly. You can't commit to that, so she's looking elsewhere but will give you a chance IF you can give her what she wants. Let her go.

If you really need a forum of women to unpick this woman’s text you are either spectacularly thick as well as lazy or you have some kind of humiliation fetish.

The only mistake she’s made is leaving the door open for a bone idle, entitled man who wants all the benefits of a girlfriend with no effort, commitment or emotion.
At least you have a nice array of ready made dick pics for your next unwitting situationship.

All this.

@Over40Overdating 🤣🤣🤣

She wants a living, breathing partner who she can see/meet on the physical plane.

You want sexting and online, and can't be bothered with real physical dates.

Yeah.... you can't tell the difference?

wait, they store the pics? It's not taken fresh for intended recipient?

How very impersonal! Also what if someone stumbles on it in your phone😩

You need to SHOW it, not say it, in the ways that she is asking you to in her message to you.

You have fun with them. You laugh lots. You enjoy going out and doing stuff with them. You talk, lots, about the things that interest you both, and you generally have a shared outlook on things. For instance, a Brexiteer would be a non-starter for me. What are they like with other people? How do they treat their children, or your children, or shop assistants, or waiting staff, or their colleagues? Do they have nice friends? These things are more useful indicators of character (to me) than endless rumination.

I basically can't be doing with neediness. The message the OP quoted is what I would regard as needy - though plenty of people would be fine with it.

I also have too much to do already, and my children are enough of a demand on my time and emotional resources, so would be backing off if a man wanted to arrange another date before we've even finished the one we're having.

Actions speak louder than words

Perhaps 'leave the door open' means she's OK to talk once in while but she's moving on

I wouldn't want a dick pic, though. I wouldn't be sending naked photos of myself to anyone either.

Yes - I’m surprised you’ve not been called a “cool girl”. Or maybe you have; I’ve not made it that far yet!

She sounds awesome. I'm sure a lot of us here wish her all the best in taking control of her life and getting the relationship she deserves. Whether that's you or not depends on how open you are in your dialogue going forward.

It couldn't be clearer really.

🤣🤣🤣

She wants dates arranged within a few days of our last and I'm quite happy to wait

do you not see that not arranging and just waiting shows disinterest? You can’t really think that’s a relationship? You happily waiting, but sexting and sending her dick pics and wanking off alone instead of engaging in a relationship?

and it’s very clear from her message that’s what you think a relationship is. Occasionally seeing each other and in the meantime she provides you with wank fodder. No wonder she called it toxic. Use porn instead.

I don't really know why you left the dick pic bit in as it's a bit tmi for me. Otherwise, I think she's right. You've got other commitments right now what with your work and kids and should find someone who is at a similar life stage to you. It sounds to me that you won't be able to make the changes that she needs because then something else in your life will have to give and it doesn't sound as though you want that. Good luck moving forward.

I actually think if roles were reversed here and a woman received that message from a man after 5 months posters would say he was too needy and full on. IMO there’s no need to text someone and say you’re pulling back. You just do it! And ‘leaving the door open’ sounds like she’s putting an ultimatum on you to come back and say you do really like her etc.

All that being said it really doesn’t sound like you’re compatible at all.

You don’t need to tell her that your into her, you can tell her your into her a thousand different ways but that’s not what she wants to hear she wants actions, she wants you to show her your into her. If you’ve been going at a pace that your comfortable with then that is ok as you shouldn’t have to go at a pace your uncomfortable with however if that’s the case then I would reply letting her know you care for her and enjoyed your time together then wish her well for the future

Sorry but the vast majority of men I share dick pics and sext with apart from the occasional man I’m dating I really don’t respect them, they probably don’t respect me that much neither but would never say. Current guy I’m dating we don’t do that and it feels so much more mature!

She probably feels you’re mostly in this for sex and aren’t serious.

And yes agreed here with all this.