Page 5 | Think this school policy is ridiculous

sadbutdontknowwhy · 2023-12-20T11:50:25+00:00

Secondary school DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term. Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it. Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well! Arghhhhh. Rant over.

CharlotteBog · 20/12/2023 12:30

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 12:29

That's different from the OP's situation.

They shouldn't be denying your child the ability to get home safely via the school bus. I would leave him at school until such time as you can get there after work. They can either keep him until then or find a way to make a lunchtime detention work.

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I know - I just wanted to have a rant.

Doteycat · 20/12/2023 12:30

Oh he's making a fool out of you and you are letting him.
It's only going to get worse.
Good luck. You are going to need it.

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2023 12:31

Could you email his teacher today, to explain that you cannot collect because of work. But need it back as it has his gym pass on it.

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 12:31

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:23

OK, then let's not use steal, lets say 'taking something that isn't theirs, which they have no right to take'.

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As has been explained up thread, schools do have a legal right to confiscate things from children in their care.

cranleighma · 20/12/2023 12:31

@Catza fascinating (!) about your email to the tv licence people but totally irrelevant.
It makes far more sense for the OP to financially penalise their son, who won't follow a simple school rule. Unless you're a teacher you have no idea how bloody annoying it is to have lessons interrupted and having to repeat information because of kids on their phones.

Tacotortoise · 20/12/2023 12:31

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:27

Why can't the child be told to either leave the phone in their bag under the desk or their locker during class time, instead of them taking something which isn't theirs to take? When they confiscate this phone who has access to it, who is responsible for any damage, who is responsible for missed emergency calls?

(I say bag or locker because I know some schools have lockers to leave stuff in whereas others carry their bag around all day).

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The law is very clear about this (see upthread). Schools can confiscate phones and only return them to parents.

HeyDiggity · 20/12/2023 12:32

Child uses phone 3 times in school. Phone gets taken. Parent has to collect phone. Parent rants and moans ABOUT THE SCHOOL to son. Son thinks it’s ok to continue to be disrespectful and rude in school as per the wonderful example being set. A tale as old as time. Reap what you sow.

TeenDivided · 20/12/2023 12:32

I suspect us non-teachers completely underestimate how disruptive teens having mobiles out in class can be.
I think more and more schools are starting to have policies that include parents collecting phones.

Wtf900 · 20/12/2023 12:32

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SchadenfreudeIstMeinMittelname · 20/12/2023 12:32

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:27

Why can't the child be told to either leave the phone in their bag under the desk or their locker during class time, instead of them taking something which isn't theirs to take? When they confiscate this phone who has access to it, who is responsible for any damage, who is responsible for missed emergency calls?

(I say bag or locker because I know some schools have lockers to leave stuff in whereas others carry their bag around all day).

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Who is going to be making an 'emergency call' to a schoolchild rather than, say, dialling 999?

Seagrassbasket · 20/12/2023 12:32

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:22

Thanks to everyone for assuming I don't punish my son

And for the poster who said he's 'one of those kids' he really isn't. He's just having a difficult time

Of course I'll be collecting. I'm frustrated and think it's ridiculous but it's the way the school has been since September so I shouldn't have been surprised

So whats happened since September?
You've referenced this several times.

Not to derail but I’ve got a feeling schools everywhere are starting to really crack down hard on behavioural issues as they seem to have got so bad.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 20/12/2023 12:32

You’re taking out your frustration on the wrong target-your ds needs to feel it

And potential adhd/sen doesn’t come into play with things like this

Minglingpringle · 20/12/2023 12:33

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:22

Thanks to everyone for assuming I don't punish my son

And for the poster who said he's 'one of those kids' he really isn't. He's just having a difficult time

Of course I'll be collecting. I'm frustrated and think it's ridiculous but it's the way the school has been since September so I shouldn't have been surprised

You asked people if you were being unreasonable and a lot of people have answered that yes, they think you are. They think the school’s policy is proportionate and that this is an opportunity for you to help them enforce the rule by allowing the consequences of your son’s actions to flow through.

You have got annoyed and defensive with everyone who has said that.

I don’t think AIBU is the right place for you! You need something more like “please let me have a vent”.

tenbob · 20/12/2023 12:33

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:28

Why is it idiotic to put the phone in your bag under the desk/in your locker though? That's much better than taking something that isn't theirs to take!

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Are you being deliberately dense..?

It was confiscated because (for the third time) it wasn’t left in a locker 🤯🤯

forgotmyusername1 · 20/12/2023 12:33

if this was me

I would get it this time
I would warn child that if the same thing happens again and I have to go and get it it will be when it is convenient for me and if that means he has no phone for weeks then so be it

stick to it. If it happens again you leave it for a minimum of 1 week. Maybe the message will then sink in

Seagrassbasket · 20/12/2023 12:34

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I’m assuming this is a piss take.

If not you are totally batshit.

randomchap · 20/12/2023 12:34

People are suggesting you've not punished your dc as you haven't said you have.

Did you punish him after the first two times? Did he even tell you? Considering that he's done this a third time, how are you planning on ensuring there isn't a 4th time

ilovesooty · 20/12/2023 12:34

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I've seen some bonkers and unpleasant suggestions on here but that tops them all
What on earth is wrong with you?

Original poster

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:35

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2023 12:31

Could you email his teacher today, to explain that you cannot collect because of work. But need it back as it has his gym pass on it.

Tried to explain this. Got told 5 times 'it's school policy' and 'I don't have the authority to override it'

OP posts:

NuffSaidSam · 20/12/2023 12:35

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:27

Why can't the child be told to either leave the phone in their bag under the desk or their locker during class time, instead of them taking something which isn't theirs to take? When they confiscate this phone who has access to it, who is responsible for any damage, who is responsible for missed emergency calls?

(I say bag or locker because I know some schools have lockers to leave stuff in whereas others carry their bag around all day).

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They HAVE been told that.

The OP's son declined to follow the rule of keeping it in his bag.

That's the whole point of the thread.

If you read the thread, your responses will make much more sense.

Original poster

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:36

randomchap · 20/12/2023 12:34

People are suggesting you've not punished your dc as you haven't said you have.

Did you punish him after the first two times? Did he even tell you? Considering that he's done this a third time, how are you planning on ensuring there isn't a 4th time

He's had his phone taken off him at home
He's been grounded
He's had his Xbox taken away

So yes he's being punished.

As I said, he's having a difficult term.

OP posts:

Tooshytoshine · 20/12/2023 12:36

In part it is also a safeguarding thing too aswell as further punishment for the bad behaviour. Kids being very focussed on their phone can indicate grooming or county lines - as they are willing to break the rules to use their phone. It's obviously rare but it does happen, and it is not just in more challenging schools.

Getting the parent to pick it up is a way of ensuring that this is the pupils only phone and that they don't have two phones or a secret device. In the school I work in having two phones results in immediate parent contact.

It doesn't sound like this is the case for your child but it is just an additional check.

DragonFly98 · 20/12/2023 12:37

you went way overboard on punishing him, how ridiculous.

cardibach · 20/12/2023 12:37

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 20/12/2023 12:27

Why can't the child be told to either leave the phone in their bag under the desk or their locker during class time, instead of them taking something which isn't theirs to take? When they confiscate this phone who has access to it, who is responsible for any damage, who is responsible for missed emergency calls?

(I say bag or locker because I know some schools have lockers to leave stuff in whereas others carry their bag around all day).

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The child is told to leave it in their bag/locker. He’s taken it out 8n lesson, that’s why it’s been confiscated. Let me introduce you to the concept of someone not following a rule. I’m surprised you haven’t encountered it before. A confiscated phone is less likely to be damaged than one knocking around in and out of a school bag, and nobody wants to ‘access’ it (whatever it is you are trying to imply here). A teenager shouldn’t be getting emergency calls on a private phone in school time. That’s not an appropriate way to deal with emergencies and minors. A call should be made to the school to speak to an appropriate adult who can explain the issue to the child and help them deal with it.

Original poster

sadbutdontknowwhy · 20/12/2023 12:37

Tooshytoshine · 20/12/2023 12:36

In part it is also a safeguarding thing too aswell as further punishment for the bad behaviour. Kids being very focussed on their phone can indicate grooming or county lines - as they are willing to break the rules to use their phone. It's obviously rare but it does happen, and it is not just in more challenging schools.

Getting the parent to pick it up is a way of ensuring that this is the pupils only phone and that they don't have two phones or a secret device. In the school I work in having two phones results in immediate parent contact.

It doesn't sound like this is the case for your child but it is just an additional check.

Doesn't apply here but I get that

DS is incredibly honest so always tells me if he's done wrong etc

OP posts: