Page 31 | Think this school policy is ridiculous

sadbutdontknowwhy · 2023-12-20T11:50:25+00:00

Secondary school DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term. Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it. Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well! Arghhhhh. Rant over.

VickyEadieofThigh · 22/12/2023 10:59

Cosyblankets · 22/12/2023 09:25

Kids follow a timetable so that have the same thing every Monday at 2 etc.
Little Johnny gets his phone out during the last lesson of every single day because he knows he'll get it back every single day if he gets caught. Would you like to suggest an alternative to the parent coming to collect it? Remember that this child had already had it removed in two occasions so giving it back to the child at the end of the day clearly does not work. What do you suggest? And please don't say leave it in bag / locker/ switched off etc because this is where it should be in the first place and it wasn't. What would your solution be?

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THIS.

Maxus · 22/12/2023 12:04

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 09:05

FFS, school doesn't exist to inconvenience / punish parents either.

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Schools expect parents to talk to the kids about school rules, punish when needed. Just giving a phone to the child for days on end dosent work. Getting the parent in will give the parent a kick up the backside to actually parent their child.

Nomagicflute · 22/12/2023 12:05

Having ADHD isn't the only reason he took the phone out. He took it put because he could easily and its a habit and perhaps there are minimal consequences for him.

To preventing it happening again get him to make it less tempting. Ie put it in a box with a code (obviously you know the code too) to break the habit.

Yes its a bit excessive getting you to collect it but I assume the school are fed up. I'd delay collection when it's inconvenient to help DS feel inconvenienced too. I have ADHD but as there are consequences for me loosing my keys I don't. I do lose things I can replace easily all the time. So don't feel u should immediately remedy it for him.

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 12:30

Maxus · 22/12/2023 12:04

Schools expect parents to talk to the kids about school rules, punish when needed. Just giving a phone to the child for days on end dosent work. Getting the parent in will give the parent a kick up the backside to actually parent their child.

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Evidence?

I strongly suspect that the decent parents will parent properly in response to a quick email from the schools saying "we had to confiscate little Johnny's phone today, but it was given back at 3.15 so he had it for safeguarding reasons on his way home".

I strongly suspect that the shitty parents will get pissed off with the school for dragging them in to pick up confiscated property and if anything the only effects will be to unite the shitty parent and the naughty kid in their dislike of the petty rules.

Maybe I am wrong.

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 12:31

Nomagicflute · 22/12/2023 12:05

Having ADHD isn't the only reason he took the phone out. He took it put because he could easily and its a habit and perhaps there are minimal consequences for him.

To preventing it happening again get him to make it less tempting. Ie put it in a box with a code (obviously you know the code too) to break the habit.

Yes its a bit excessive getting you to collect it but I assume the school are fed up. I'd delay collection when it's inconvenient to help DS feel inconvenienced too. I have ADHD but as there are consequences for me loosing my keys I don't. I do lose things I can replace easily all the time. So don't feel u should immediately remedy it for him.

Did you go to university to study long distance mind-reading or did it come naturally to you?

MotherOfHouseplants · 22/12/2023 12:49

AnonnyMouseDave · 20/12/2023 18:09

I constantly consider that I might be wrong, and it's a massive part of posting on forums like this - it gives numerous strangers the chance to convince me I am wrong, and sometimes they do! Not here though!

My anger stems - and I am very very sure of this - from petty rules and stupid punishments at school and to a lesser extent home. If you tell me I can'T cross a slow quiet road unless the green man is showing - despite the road being clear for a long way in both directions - then I am going to make a point of crossing when I am not supposed to, even if I need to cross straight back because I was on the right side to start with. If you tell me my hair needs to be short I'm going to grow it out for the first time in decades. If you tell me not to use the word "bloody" in a adult social event because it is rude then you are going to hear the c-word A LOT.

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This post has absolutely stopped me in my tracks. If you hadn’t mentioned your DC I would think you were my relative because this is exactly how she goes about her life. I have never heard anyone describe it from their own perspective. In the most extreme example, she was diagnosed with a medical condition in her twenties which affects fertility and was strongly advised that if she wanted to have children she should not delay. She immediately shut down and despite wanting children deliberately waited years before trying, by which point it had become impossible. In her head she had been told that she couldn’t wait and therefore her overwhelming impulse was to do the exact opposite. She would rather miss out on something she deeply wanted than feel that she had followed someone else’s ‘orders’.

Anyway. Sorry for the derail. She is autistic with a ‘pathological demand avoidant’ profile, in case that information is ever of use.

SoupDragon · 22/12/2023 14:02

I strongly suspect that the decent parents will parent properly in response to a quick email from the schools saying "we had to confiscate little Johnny's phone today, but it was given back at 3.15 so he had it for safeguarding reasons on his way home".

Well, the OP said she punishes "little Johnny" and yet this is the third time he's had the phone out in a lesson when he wasn't allowed...

stomachameleon · 22/12/2023 14:03

@AnonnyMouseDave it's a collaboration and we do expect you to parent. A lot of people just don't bother though.

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 14:33

MotherOfHouseplants · 22/12/2023 12:49

This post has absolutely stopped me in my tracks. If you hadn’t mentioned your DC I would think you were my relative because this is exactly how she goes about her life. I have never heard anyone describe it from their own perspective. In the most extreme example, she was diagnosed with a medical condition in her twenties which affects fertility and was strongly advised that if she wanted to have children she should not delay. She immediately shut down and despite wanting children deliberately waited years before trying, by which point it had become impossible. In her head she had been told that she couldn’t wait and therefore her overwhelming impulse was to do the exact opposite. She would rather miss out on something she deeply wanted than feel that she had followed someone else’s ‘orders’.

Anyway. Sorry for the derail. She is autistic with a ‘pathological demand avoidant’ profile, in case that information is ever of use.

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Thanks. I probably laid that on a bit thick, and I don't think I am as extreme as your sister.

FWIW I'm fairly confident I'm not autistic (and I'm not about to self-diagnose), but I probably am a bit closer to showing autistic traits than the average non-autistic person, if you see what I mean.

Having just done a very small bit of reading I think I am much more just a rational, stubborn, confident, arrogant person who when faced with a stupid rule believes that challenging it is the right thing to do, partly to punish the person setting the rule, and partly in the hope that I can be part of destroying the rule by rendering it pointless to keep as a rule because of the numbers of people breaking it.

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 14:38

stomachameleon · 22/12/2023 14:03

@AnonnyMouseDave it's a collaboration and we do expect you to parent. A lot of people just don't bother though.

Personally I do parent. If you emailed me to say that the phone rule had been broken and that you require me to try to ensure that DC keeps to the rules, or you require a meeting to discuss, then you would have me onside.

If you demand that I leave my desk and waste 10-15% of the working day to come to school so that my child has the phone he needs to get home safely / access the gym / whatever, then you are less likely to have me onside supporting you.

As I said upthread, I suspect that decent parents don't need to be inconvenienced in order to back up the school, and I suspect the less good parents who never liked school and don't much see the point cannot be punished and inconvenienced into backing the school up, indeed the reverse might be more likely to be true.

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 14:40

SoupDragon · 22/12/2023 14:02

I strongly suspect that the decent parents will parent properly in response to a quick email from the schools saying "we had to confiscate little Johnny's phone today, but it was given back at 3.15 so he had it for safeguarding reasons on his way home".

Well, the OP said she punishes "little Johnny" and yet this is the third time he's had the phone out in a lesson when he wasn't allowed...

Which might be due to little Johnny's suspected neurodiversity, or it might be for some other reason. That the child has misbehaved a whole three times over the course of a term does not make whatever punishment the school comes up with right, IMO.

Coyoacan · 22/12/2023 16:52

Which might be due to little Johnny's suspected neurodiversity, or it might be for some other reason. That the child has misbehaved a whole three times over the course of a term does not make whatever punishment the school comes up with right, IMO

So schools should never punish a child because they might have neurodiversity or some other excuse?

I reminds of years ago, when I lived beside a particularly troublesome block of flats. Several children spent a whole month kicking on people's doors and their parents claimed they were helpless to stop them. Then the housing authority got involved and warned the parents that they would lose their flats if their children continued to misbehave and lo and behold! Peace reigned

AnonnyMouseDave · 22/12/2023 17:11

Coyoacan · 22/12/2023 16:52

Which might be due to little Johnny's suspected neurodiversity, or it might be for some other reason. That the child has misbehaved a whole three times over the course of a term does not make whatever punishment the school comes up with right, IMO

So schools should never punish a child because they might have neurodiversity or some other excuse?

I reminds of years ago, when I lived beside a particularly troublesome block of flats. Several children spent a whole month kicking on people's doors and their parents claimed they were helpless to stop them. Then the housing authority got involved and warned the parents that they would lose their flats if their children continued to misbehave and lo and behold! Peace reigned

The debate is about WHAT punishment, not IF he should be punished.

Roundycippae · 22/12/2023 21:49

Seems like a lot of parents want their kids to be in a good well-managed learning environment without distractions, except when it comes to their own kid.
When it’s their own kid breaking rules, disrupting classes, taking up teacher and staff on trivial things then everyone else is to blame - not their darling off spring who have had a bad day, we’re tired, need more leniency or understanding have ADHd/ADD/ PTSD/ ABC/ITV/123…

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 23/12/2023 17:12

@Roundycippae nail on the head there I think!

Secondary teacher here. I’m a stickler that pupils should listening carefully and getting involved in the lesson rather than dicking about on their phones. Have no qualms at all confiscating and would support the school if my two were caught with their phones.

At secondary school they should be learning appropriate behaviour with phones. So yes, in some lessons you might use it. For example - I’ll let my students take a photo of the work on the board so they can refer to it easily by their exercise book. It soon becomes clear if they are abusing that trust and then phones are put away. I also make them leave their phones on the desk if they are going to the loo - you’ll be amazed at how many rendezvous they might arrange with their mate/boyfriend/girlfriend otherwise. 😂

It is so important to support the school if you can. Obviously if you strongly disagree then do complain but mobile phone policies are there for a reason - not least safeguarding and preventing bullying.

Noodles1234 · 25/12/2023 18:46

They make it like this on purpose to motivate parents to motivate child to do things correctly, all schools I know do this, and because of the inconvenience it generally works well.

your DC knows the rules so it is him I would be annoyed with, not the school.

Phones in school cause huge problems, distract other students and you only have to look on tik Tok for the videos students take in schools to rile and ridicule students and teachers during class time. So a blanket approach is required.

Duechristmas · 28/12/2023 21:55

You do the crime, you do the time. As a supportive parent leave it there until a time convenient to you, he's not meant to have it out in school, end of.

LG100 · 31/12/2023 13:04

I would call the police and report them for theft. You must not lose work/money because of this. That in itself is one step too far.

stomachameleon · 31/12/2023 13:32

This is now in the daily mirror.

Maxus · 31/12/2023 13:33

LG100 · 31/12/2023 13:04

I would call the police and report them for theft. You must not lose work/money because of this. That in itself is one step too far.

And they would accuse you of wasting police time

BombaySamphire · 31/12/2023 13:37

LG100 · 31/12/2023 13:04

I would call the police and report them for theft. You must not lose work/money because of this. That in itself is one step too far.

You’d make an absolute tit of yourself, for nothing.