Think this school policy is ridiculous

[sadbutdontknowwhy]

Secondary school
DS15 has had his phone confiscated for the 3rd time this term.
Absolutely fine, he shouldn't have had it out so deserves the punishment
However, they won't give it back to him at 3.15. A parent has to go and collect it.
Tried to explain that 1, it means one of us leaving work, and 2, he needs it to access the gym straight after school, and 3, it his property but they won't budge. It stays with school until a parent can collect
In no way am I kicking off about the confiscation, but I'm fuming I'm also being punished as well!
Arghhhhh. Rant over.

How often in practice did you or your friends get into a pickle necessitating a call home? I can't remember it ever happening to me, my siblings or my friends. Of course it doesn't mean that it can't happen, but the chances of something unsafe happening which parents (and no-one else) can actually help with by phone are minuscule.

You don't know anything about employment law, do you?

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain

Excuse me? I never said I was a better parent than anyone else, so I don't know why you've said that

How often in practice did you or your friends get into a pickle necessitating a call home?

Not that often measured over seven years but enough. Usually the bus not arriving so arranged to walk up to where I could meet Mum on her way home from work.

Being roughed up by kids from a rival school was another.

I'm 60 and have made it through life (including living overseas for my dad's work as a child without speaking that country's language) without ever having to place an emergency phone call.

These teenagers who can't make it to and from school without a phone in hand are excessively coddled. I really worry about their lack of resilience and resourcefulness, and ability to think independently and troubleshoot.

This was my generation. I can assure you there wasn't a phone box at the end of every street. On my walk to school which took 30 minutes I didn't pass any. I never had to make an emergency call either. We got to school and back just fine without a phone or a phone box. I think you are romanticising about that era.

Oh your Back. I thought you were done.

There are necessary and useful (not "crap") jobs where you simply can't have access to a phone.

Do some research.

You just can't admit that you made a mistake, can you?

That might cast some light on the attitude you convey.

OP if it's inconvenient then don't do it. Your son is almost an adult. I presume you actually want him to live and work independently eventually so stop wiping his arse for him. If he can't keep off his phone when asked to how's he meant to survive in the working world? In many jobs he'd be disciplined or sacked for not following this clear rule.

What the school have implemented actually gives you the perfect opportunity to implement a natural consequence. You just don't want to do it.

Of course he can live without his phone. Don't be so ridiculous. How do you think thousands of generations survived before they were invented?! It's a communication device not water. I'd actually be secretly glad he didn't have it for so long in your shoes as the fact he can't keep off it when asked to suggests he's becoming addicted.

What exactly do you expect school to do? They can't teach if they're not being backed up. No wonder nobody wants to teach any more when this is our society's shitty attitude towards education. Why bother?

Go on - what kind of punishments do you have in mind?

Maybe chop an ear off to
Make

one to comply

I didn’t actually say you said you were a better parent than anyone else… I mean if you’re gonna quote me then do it properly…

I actually do feel sorry for you a bit cos you’ve got your arse handed to you here… regardless I do think some posters (probably including me) either don’t read your OP, or just think you’re being soft on your son. Still…maybe after it this means your son won’t play with his phone in future and do as he’s told rather than ignore his teacher. But I’m not holding my breath.

Basically speak softly to the pupil. Make him promise he won’t ever get his phone out again. That seems a reasonable (non punishment) punishment doesn’t it? Note the sarcasm!

Ah. Good old 'restorative practice'.

I'd not pick it up and tell the boy that for the school break he's on a "digital detox" which should actually help with any attention-span and concentration issues. Pull the plug on any home video games, etc., too. Reading real books, working out, walking, etc., is a good way to spend the break.

17yo Dnephew has asd. He is also fixated / obsessed with his phone. Dsis insists that he leaves it outside his bedroom at night because otherwise he's on it all night. Anyway, just recently she noticed that he was really tired during the day, to the point where she began to get concerned he was ill. Turns out he spent almost £1,000 on a new secret phone (money that had been given to him for driving lessons) and was using that at night instead.

You're doing your son no favours ignoring what could well be a very unhealthy addiction. I don't think a digital detox would be a bad thing, op, and it should probably be on a regular basis.

I would hope that the school is able to come up with appropriate punishments in order to reduce disruption.

If such punishments existed, there would not be such a massive problem with behaviour in schools, would there? Do you not think that if there were punishments that schools were allowed to use, and which were effective, schools would be using them?! Why on earth wouldn't they?

I ask again... what punishments do you think schools would be allowed to use, which would actually deter kids from bad behaviour?

Available punishments are basically these: detentions, internal exclusion from lessons, suspension from school and permanent exclusion. That's it. Detention doesn't deter them much, and some kids just don't turn up to it (sometimes with their parents' backing). Internal exclusion and suspension don't stop them re-offending, and schools are limited in the amount of exclusion time they can issue. Permanent exclusion (i.e. expulsion) is hard to achieve. They often get back in on appeal, and even if they don't, they're just passed on to another school, where they cause the same problems.

So go on, @AnonnyMouseDave - please list the punishments you'd recommend. I'm sure we can all benefit from your wisdom.

@WearyAuldWumman I Don't believe for a second the op will do anything. The narrative is already the teacher is targeting him.... the one teacher.... and I see nothing to convince me op thinks her son plays much of a role in this.
I bet it was back in his hands straight away.

This! Sorry, but it's not up to teachers to 'teach the parent a lesson'. Fair enough, the teacher was right to confiscate the phone during lesson time, if those are the rules.

But once the lesson - and indeed the school day - are over, they should rightfully return the child's personal property to the child. It's not theirs to keep hold of. And it's certainly not theirs to use to hold the child and/or the parent to ransom.

This idea of 'Do this and you'll get your property back'. There's a name for that sort of thing...

I feel so sorry for teachers. Funnily enough the school does not exist to make your life easier and more convenient. It’s your son you need to talk to, not strangers on the internet.

In my opinion schools should give phones back to kids at the end of the day.

This is an opinion, and pretty much cannot be "wrong". Saying that if you have credible, statistically significant academic research that proves that outcomes in terms of student engagement and results are better when the policy is "keep the phone indefinitely and return to parent" not "give to kid at end of school day" then I probably was wrong and will admit it.

FFS, school doesn't exist to inconvenience / punish parents either.

In my opinion schools should give phones back to kids at the end of the day.

So that effectively means following the phone policy means they can't use their phone during the school day at all, but not following the phone policy means they can use their phone as much as they like until they get caught at which point they can't use it for the rest of the school day."

Anyone care to hazard a guess as to what proportion of secondary school students would stick to following the policy? And the likelihood that these students weren't the ones causing problems anyway?

Kids follow a timetable so that have the same thing every Monday at 2 etc.
Little Johnny gets his phone out during the last lesson of every single day because he knows he'll get it back every single day if he gets caught. Would you like to suggest an alternative to the parent coming to collect it? Remember that this child had already had it removed in two occasions so giving it back to the child at the end of the day clearly does not work. What do you suggest? And please don't say leave it in bag / locker/ switched off etc because this is where it should be in the first place and it wasn't. What would your solution be?