To think it's fair that mum does all need night feeds and dad sleeps..

[jimbobsboots]

As dad works outside home Monday to Friday 8-4? And if weekend feeds are shared ?
Newborn baby taking bottle only.

I will add however that the most amount of times my DD has ever woken in the night is 2 times, so I am one of the lucky ones!

Hes got a high pressure job? Then yes its fair.

Does dad want to maintain a happy and loving relationship with the mother of his child?

Because DH not helping at all with night feeds contributed to my awful pnd and has caused long term resentment in my marriage. I didn't realise it at the time, I just got on with it.

Its my belief that if dad works, he does the last bedtime feed (from 10pm-11pm) and does the first morning feed (anytime after 5:30am) to allow mum to get to bed early, and also give her a few hours early morning to catch up.

If dad works, I would say all night feeds from 11pm-4am should be the responsibility of the mother.

No, no, no.

Looking after a a baby/ children is a job and it's hard. Sleep is important to both not just the one who is 'working'.

Unless the woman wants to do all feeds then this should be shared

I always have a wry chuckle at these threads because my babies were all breastfed bottle refusers so all feeds were on me. Including when I was back at work in my high pressure job. Actually the worst thing is not getting a decent chunk of sleep. Getting up once is manageable but every two hours is the highway to insanity. So depending on baby’s sleep pattern, sharing night feeds could have a significant improvement to mum’s wellbeing without being massively detrimental to dad’s work. I see so many men happy to go to the pub midweek, bowl in at midnight, pissed, then go into work the next day so the odd night feed should be a breeze.

I think it’s daft to have set rules - you have a relationship, not a contract of employment. Do what works for you both, which might not be the same thing all the time. Have conversations!

This is why I only have one child. My husband’s job and sleep was considered more important than my job as a mother and my sleep. The mother’s mental health, which needs sleep to keep it well, is just as important as any high-powered job. As others have said, caveats apply for those driving for a living.

I was very straight with my dh in that if I was going to have children with him then I expected him to pull his weight. He always did. And that included night feeds. I was rushed off my feet all day with a toddler and baby, he was rushed off his feet with work, it's 50/50.

My dh is a night owl and doesn't come to bed till 1am. So I'd go to bed with baby after the 8pm feed. And he'd take the baby monitor down stairs and when baby woke for their 12/1am feed he'd come up and do it. Then he'd go to bed. That meant I had a good 8 hours sleep as I'd get up with baby around 5am and leave dh to sleep till 8 when he had to get up for work.

I'd had PND with my older child from a previous relationship and i have always felt it was my exes attitude to me and the baby, the fact I was left to do everything and was totally exhausted, that contributed to my depression. Plus the bloody resentment that builds.

Our dc are grown up now. We are still a team.

I wouldn't have a baby with a man who expected his life to continue as normal whilst I was knackered.

Fuck that.

My husband used to be a delivery driver so I wouldn't want him driving all day on no sleep.
I used to do all the night feeds but my husband would make sure I had everything I needed before hand, like plenty of bottles, milk made up, nappies, drink for myself and painkillers etc in the early days.
In the very early days. I used to go bed about 9pm and if the baby woke up any time before about midnight then my husband would deal with him.
But then once my husband went to bed around midnight I did anymore night feeds.
My husband would also cook dinner every night as well and bring me any drinks and snacks I wanted in the evenings.
Then at the weekends I used to have a lie in for as long as I wanted while my husband looked after the baby.
12 years later and our son still doesn't sleep properly as he is disabled.
But now we have switched roles.
I now work full time and if our son gets up in the night my husband deals with him.

You can be supportive and offer. Even if you don't do it much. Looking after a newborn and recovery from birth can be hard.

Generally I disagree with you but obviously the other circumstances matter. Is mum recovering from childbirth (almost always unless surrogacy, fostering to adopt or similar) then YABU. Is mum caring for toddlers or other older children? YABU. Is Dad working 9-5ish? YABU

If there is one very happy newborn with a very content mum who has no health issues, no issues to prevent her sleeping in the day and dad works very, very long hours and not by choice... otherwise, it's a wildly sexist concept in my view. It also sets up mum's very badly when they go back to work since most one years olds and many toddlers don't sleep through the night. By this point though "baby will only accept mum". So mum ends up working and getting no sleep.

When we had our first, my husband did the latest 9.30/10.30 feed and I went to bed early. I did the night feeds as he was out the house 7.30-7. He then did weekends so I could sleep. Second child he was working from home as was Covid and we shared them from the outset as him working at home was waaaaay easier than me stuck in with a baby and toddler in lockdown. Both fully bottle fed.

Oh and to add now we both work and alternate the nights as we still have broken sleep with an almost 5 and 3.5 year old.

Dad should still help out. Going out to work 8-4 doesn’t compare to caring for a newborn 24/7.

But it's only same if baby was breast fed.. Dad wouldn't beable to do that?
Let Dad do the nappy changed and the burping .

But baby isn't breast fed so he can do it.

One of the reasons why I didn't breastfeed was so that feeding would be shared.

Same!

Depriving mum of sleep Mon to Fri because you work outside is abusive and unsafe for baby.

you need to ensure she gets some sleep. Doesn't m matter when but she must sleep. And you must parent the newborn. every day.

Mum is a human being not a pack mule.

hope that helps.

My firstborn never Slept being allergic to milk and anything made from any of the elements made things so hard. We used to do a night about until he was called in to work on every (we were a forced family). I managed the first two nights but was so exhausted and almost deranged by the third night with very little sleep and so much crying I couldn't manage.

If your baby is easy to settle and sleeps well it is doable but if they aren't then it is not. Don't be a martyr, you are BOTH parents and your newborn being safe is the most important job - even more than his.