To feel sad my DD missed Christmas dinner

[UndertheCedartree]

My 11yo DD is autistic and she has recently started at a new school. The school have been great in supporting her.

Sadly, she went into a Science class for the first time yesterday and as they have set seats she asked the teacher where she should sit. The teacher snapped at her that she didn't know and she had to stand at the front of the class waiting for the others to sit down which really unsettled and upset her.

Today was their Christmas dinner day and they could go in wearing pyjamas. She was really looking forward to this. But as we got closer to school this morning she got more and more distressed. Once in school she had a full on meltdown that went on for ages. Eventually she calmed down enough for me to leave and they took her up to the Learning support centre where she promptly fell asleep exhausted after her melt down. She missed her Christmas dinner! After a while they asked me to come and pick her up. I feel so sad for her. I'd spent a lot of time preparing her for the Christmas dinner and it was going to be a nice way to introduce her to the canteen. And she was so looking forward to it. All spoilt because a teacher took her bad mood out on her.

Do you have any facts to back up your sweeping generalisations about the uselessness of teachers when it comes to ND and supporting young people in their classrooms? Suggesting that the vast majority of teachers are wilfully ignorant and have no experience of autism just shows your ignorance of the current situation in schools. I think you’d struggle to find a teacher who hasn’t taught an autistic child in the past 5 years.

In my experience the percentages of those with autism are far too small to reflect reality. In my small independent school, in Year 7 alone we have 6 children with clear signs of autism but no diagnosis (parents unwilling to entertain the idea that this is what’s really going on), and 4 with an actual diagnosis. That’s 10 kids out of a year group of 60. Every teacher of Year 7 has at least one of those kids in their class without an LSA, some of these kids as I say are undiagnosed, so there’s no plan to follow, it’s just working out what’s best based on prior experience and getting to know the child. And this is just Year 7. Throughout the school the same pattern is followed in every year group. I know from colleagues in other schools that the situation is similar elsewhere. Lots of anecdotal reports of two or more children in every class with autistic traits, either diagnosed or undiagnosed. I think on the whole we are much better at recognising it now as a profession and it is often schools
and not parents who first start the conversations about autism and diagnosis.

My personal experience is that the vast majority of teachers know very little about any of these conditions, the best ones are those who are willing to admit this and listen to parents and experts and the child themselves and at least try to make their life that bit easier.

We are told by the SENCO what strategies we should use with individual students, in order to make their learning and experience of school easier, which we do to the best of our capacity.

What I know about these various conditions is mainly due to long experience in working with children who have them, and from years of reading IEPs etc and becoming familiar with the different strategies on them. If a parent suggested further strategies at parents' evening, or via the SENCO, I find it unlikely that teachers would refuse to listen to them.

@EnidSpyton perhaps ask people who are actually autistic or neurodivergent or their parents what their experience of school is/was. And ask autistic teachers their experiences. Although clearly only a very small minority of them will have had the privilege to attend an extremely small independent school. And it’s not too difficult to work out why such a school would be attractive to parents of autistic young people as opposed to the more usual 200 plus per year group in a state school. Honestly are you really suggesting the vast majority of teachers are experts on autism and are instrumental in diagnosis? What are sendiass, ipsea and all the other support organisations around for then?
IEP is ok but Sencos need minimal training to take on the role so there is huge variation in skills and they have to be actually read and followed to have any effect.
i think this is really a situation where it’s vital to listen to the end users and take on board the vastly increased rates of EBSA, the reduction in school attendance, the increase in applications for EHCP and tribunals, the increased applications to special schools.

@BungleandGeorge where on earth did you get @EnidSpytonsuggesting the vast majority of teachers are experts on autism and are instrumental in diagnosis? *

She put '. I think on the whole we are much better at recognising it now as a profession'
Not that teachers see themselves as experts.

@BungleandGeorge

I have been teaching for over a decade and have taught in many schools. The school I am in now is one I have only been in since September. The number of autistic children here is certainly not unusual compared to other much larger schools I have worked in. None of the parents have chosen this school because of our SEN provision as honestly we don’t really have any!

I did not say that your average teacher is an expert or instrumental in diagnosis. What I said is that we do on average have a lot of lived, practical experience of teaching autistic children that does give us much more knowledge than you give us credit for, and in actual fact, for many children, it will be the school who instigates the process of diagnosis rather than the parents, as teachers have a vast experience of normative and non normative behaviours to draw on when observing ‘typical’ milestones, whereas most parents only have their experience of their own children.

Teachers are always happy to listen to and work with parents to ensure the best outcome for children. Where you have got this idea that teachers don’t want to help autistic children and don’t want to listen to advice and expertise from, I don’t know, but it’s certainly not from anything I’ve said.

Honestly are you really suggesting the vast majority of teachers are experts on autism and are instrumental in diagnosis?

No one has said this.
People have the single job role to be experts in autism. This isn't a teachers job.

Oh look… yawn another mumsnet thread that becomes a teacher bash. It’s like they love them… oh wait..

You are yawning at a woman who has autism feeling sad about her child and she said lonely with nobody to support her in real life. All this to defend a random teacher you don’t even know. The OP didn’t even complain about the teacher!!

I think it’s very true that autism is much more common than the stats reflect.

My experience is that schools generally and therefore most teachers tend to have a very deficit-based view of autism and their goal seems to be for the child to learn to behave as though they weren’t autistic, and that masking is seen as positive. Which doesn’t serve autistic people well generally. I do think there’s a way to go with understanding of neurodivergence and not just among teachers, it’s a very new concept after all.

I don’t think anyone’s bashing teachers here. There are amazing teachers out there who are highly responsive to children’s individual needs, and learning all the time.

There are also teachers who are very fixed in their views and dismissive of being flexible.

Teachers are just like any group of people, they can’t all be wonderful. Some are going to be grumpy bastards with an attitude problem. Some will be amazing and go above and beyond (my dd has one of these this year, my other dd once had the other kind).

This!

even after this such a detailed post, @UndertheCedartree u don’t understand, then there is no helping you in making you understand I think.

Thank you, @EnidSpyton!

This is a very insightful post. I agree with every word.