Page 31 | To feel sad my DD missed Christmas dinner

UndertheCedartree · 2023-12-19T17:25:25+00:00

My 11yo DD is autistic and she has recently started at a new school. The school have been great in supporting her. Sadly, she went into a Science class for the first time yesterday and as they have set seats she asked the teacher where she should sit. The teacher snapped at her that she didn't know and she had to stand at the front of the class waiting for the others to sit down which really unsettled and upset her. Today was their Christmas dinner day and they could go in wearing pyjamas. She was really looking forward to this. But as we got closer to school this morning she got more and more distressed. Once in school she had a full on meltdown that went on for ages. Eventually she calmed down enough for me to leave and they took her up to the Learning support centre where she promptly fell asleep exhausted after her melt down. She missed her Christmas dinner! After a while they asked me to come and pick her up. I feel so sad for her. I'd spent a lot of time preparing her for the Christmas dinner and it was going to be a nice way to introduce her to the canteen. And she was so looking forward to it. All spoilt because a teacher took her bad mood out on her.

cardibach · 22/12/2023 21:08

As I said, @UndertheCedartree, I’m out. I’m not discussing it further. But your last reply to me is utterly batshit and pretty rude. Maybe have a little look at yourself.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:09

cardibach · 22/12/2023 20:45

I’m not dealing with your long contradictory post this time.
You blamed the teacher.
You think the head is great because a few people with no option say so.
You believe the unprofessional and lax LSA because she agrees with your DD.
Your DD missed dinner because she had a meltdown. The fact she says it was The interaction with the teacher means little - as others have said, we don’t always recognise underlying issues. Even if it was as a result of the exchange, you have no evidence the teacher did anything wrong.

You’ll soon be in a situation where there is nobody much to teach your DD at all. Teachers (including me, as it happens) are leaving in droves not least because parents are so ready to believe anyone and everyone but them when things go off track.

I’m out now. I hope your DD recovers and you both enjoy Christmas. I also hope you can move into next term without seeking to blame people for things which aren’t their fault and can’t be helped.

I hope you're ok. This seems to have triggered you a lot. I'm sorry you've had such awful places to work. Enjoy your retirement!

And I think we'll be ok for now. The school has a full staff. I know many schools don't, but I suppose there are a lot of rubbish schools out there.

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Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:15

The LSA would be shifting the blame from not dealing with the incident in the first place, she clearly didn't hear/see the whole interaction because you've said she was dealing with another child.

I don't make up positive stories about my school, but I don't say anything negative about it. Because I'm not stupid and unprofessional.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:15

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 20:46

She may be 'mild' needs but she sounds quite high needs in mainstream classroom if this interaction led to the meltdown you describe.

The head and LSA sound unprofessional imo. I bet no one says anything bad about the head publicly because they're scared of her. I've worked for that kind of head, not a good atmosphere.

I think it's hard to get across, really. She's a typical masking autistic girl. When she was going through diagnosis the screening questionnaires done by her teacher only scored one mark. Most of the time teachers aren't aware she's autistic.

I can assure you they're not scared of her!! What reason would a friend for example deciding at which school to accept a job at feel the need to lie to a friend about the head? Why would so many teachers, parents,students, Ofsted lie?

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:18

BungleandGeorge · 22/12/2023 20:54

and they wonder why autistic kids have such a high rate of EBSA. It’s not unusual to be tired at the end of term and have a meltdown over a situation where you’re new to a school. Were shouted at by teacher for asking a perfectly reasonable question when you have a diagnosed communication disorder and had to stand in front of a load of kids you hardly know. How humiliating. There’s a campaign to make all teachers so the Oliver McGowan autism training and let’s hope it gets signed off seeing some of the replies here. If you’re a grumpy got who can’t be polite just don’t become a teacher, talking to a colleague like that wouldn’t be acceptable. And there’s plenty of adults who have meltdowns when stressed, take time off work for stress but we somehow expect children to put up with it. Autistic people have significantly hotter lives due to cardiovascular disease caused by stress. Maybe bear the consequences in mind and get educated about how to reduce their stress. Kindness costs nothing

That sounds great! Hope it gets signed off.

Yes, it is very, very evident that many teachers just really don't get it on such a deep level.

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Sherrystrull · 22/12/2023 21:21

Seriously, teachers get it. But with multiple classes, large classes and huge amounts of differing needs it's near on impossible to ensure everyone is ok. It nearly breaks me every day. Telling me to learn more about autistic won't change the fact I have no way to meet everyone's needs and is actually hugely insulting.

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:21

What reason would a friend for example deciding at which school to accept a job at feel the need to lie to a friend about the head? Why would so many teachers, parents,students, Ofsted lie?

And there speaks someone who has no idea of the inner workings of education in the last few years.

People lie all the time. Having colleagues is better than having no colleagues is just one reason.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:21

brickastley · 22/12/2023 21:05

Who made you boss?

OP posted for discussion - why you deciding it's time to stop

Show quote history

Exactly!

It's so funny when people try and police threads. They come on a thread, comment on it and then wonder why the thread is continuing!!

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Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:22

@Sherrystrull I totally agree, thank you for posting.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:22

cardibach · 22/12/2023 21:08

As I said, @UndertheCedartree, I’m out. I’m not discussing it further. But your last reply to me is utterly batshit and pretty rude. Maybe have a little look at yourself.

Ok,bye. Sorry you took it like that. I genuinely felt sorry for you.

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:29

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:15

The LSA would be shifting the blame from not dealing with the incident in the first place, she clearly didn't hear/see the whole interaction because you've said she was dealing with another child.

I don't make up positive stories about my school, but I don't say anything negative about it. Because I'm not stupid and unprofessional.

Well, as soon as the incident happened she dealt with it. So she obviously had no blame to shift. Is your school like that? All about shifting blame? We always tried to work as a team.

Exactly. So no reason for loads of teachers, students and parents to make up positive stories. No reason for teachers who don't work there now to make up stories. And no reason for teachers considering working there to make up stories. It seems more likely that they are telling the truth, no?

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Sherrystrull · 22/12/2023 21:36

Schools are like that now. They are stretched beyond capacity. No one can do everything they should and cannot meet everyone's needs every day. This leads to people throwing others under the bus to pass the buck. This would not happen ten years ago as we actually could do our jobs and meet need. I don't do it as I have gone the other way and take all the blame on my shoulders (also unhealthy) but see it a lot and increasingly among colleagues.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:39

Sherrystrull · 22/12/2023 21:21

Seriously, teachers get it. But with multiple classes, large classes and huge amounts of differing needs it's near on impossible to ensure everyone is ok. It nearly breaks me every day. Telling me to learn more about autistic won't change the fact I have no way to meet everyone's needs and is actually hugely insulting.

I'm not aiming this specifically at you. But actually this thread shows what many of us already know that quite a lot of teachers really don't understand. Some think they understand but they don't. Also many teachers on this thread said they couldn't be expected to know about autism as they get no training on it. So it's not really insulting to suggest teachers have training on autism. There are so many stereotypes that have been thrown around on this thread, so much ableism. Please don't see learning about autism as insulting just because as we all know teachers are stretched.

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Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:40

Agree again @Sherrystrull

From your own accounts the LSA wasn't there immediately. So I'm not sure how she dealt with it as soon as it happened....

But yes people will throw each other under the bus to save their own skin.

The behaviour of the head when you went in doesn't sound brilliant either from the teachers POV.

The teacher could be shite, of course, but the idea that all teachers need to be perfect at all times is getting further and further from the reality. The argument is becoming circular, but this sounds like an interaction I could have had with a student and never thought anymore of it. OTOH the conversation with the head it would lead to, would probably have meant I left teaching.

DiaryOfaTTCer · 22/12/2023 21:41

Genuinely cannot believe this thread is still going 😂

OP I would recommend a new hobby

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:42

Knowing loads about autism really doesn't help in the moment when you're teaching with 50 different demands in 2 minutes.

I am understanding and knowledgeable about autism, I've had plenty of training, I keep up to date with autistic students information. Doesn't mean I don't snap occasionally.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:42

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:21

What reason would a friend for example deciding at which school to accept a job at feel the need to lie to a friend about the head? Why would so many teachers, parents,students, Ofsted lie?

And there speaks someone who has no idea of the inner workings of education in the last few years.

People lie all the time. Having colleagues is better than having no colleagues is just one reason.

I don't know what you mean? Education in the last few years makes people lie to their friends because otherwise they will have no colleagues??

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WombatChocolate · 22/12/2023 21:43

The only thing I think we can tell from this thread is that OP wants to communicate. She wants to have disagreements with people and to keep the thread and disagreements going, long after the topic in the initial post is long over.

For whatever reason, she gets something out of this and no doubt many of us have fed that need she has. That’s it.

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:43

Yes, they will literally have no colleagues because if no one applies for the teaching jobs, they won't have any colleagues. There's a recruitment and retention crisis in teaching. So people will be overly positive to lure people in. This includes students, because without students, schools don't have funding...

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:44

Sherrystrull · 22/12/2023 21:36

Schools are like that now. They are stretched beyond capacity. No one can do everything they should and cannot meet everyone's needs every day. This leads to people throwing others under the bus to pass the buck. This would not happen ten years ago as we actually could do our jobs and meet need. I don't do it as I have gone the other way and take all the blame on my shoulders (also unhealthy) but see it a lot and increasingly among colleagues.

Thanks for explaining that. It's very sad.

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Sherrystrull · 22/12/2023 21:47

Of course teachers could have more training on autism. I could have more training on phonics, more training on PE skill development, more training on dyslexia, more training on GD maths, more training on pedagogy.

Teachers are learning and developing every day. We are never the finished product. The day we stop learning is the day to stop teaching.

However, I cannot juggle 100 balls every lesson without occasionally dropping one or two. Telling me to learn more about juggling won't help this.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:49

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:40

Agree again @Sherrystrull

From your own accounts the LSA wasn't there immediately. So I'm not sure how she dealt with it as soon as it happened....

But yes people will throw each other under the bus to save their own skin.

The behaviour of the head when you went in doesn't sound brilliant either from the teachers POV.

The teacher could be shite, of course, but the idea that all teachers need to be perfect at all times is getting further and further from the reality. The argument is becoming circular, but this sounds like an interaction I could have had with a student and never thought anymore of it. OTOH the conversation with the head it would lead to, would probably have meant I left teaching.

I think this is the point of what we are saying about how not all teachers really understand autism. As you say you would have thought nothing of it.

For what it's worth as you think I'm just making up things (fair enough if that's what your surrounded by) my friend who is going through something awful has really been supported by the Head so I honestly don't think she would go in all guns blazing unless necessary. It's not like anyone he's made a complaint or anything.

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Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:51

DiaryOfaTTCer · 22/12/2023 21:41

Genuinely cannot believe this thread is still going 😂

OP I would recommend a new hobby

Genuinely, can't believe people waste their time posting on threads they're not interested in/have nothing useful to say...

It's the thread police again! 😂

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Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:53

I think this is the point of what we are saying about how not all teachers really understand autism. As you say you would have thought nothing of it.

But this doesn't mean I should be expected to over think every interaction with the 30+ autistic students I see every day surely? Be realistic.

I wouldn't think anything of most of the interactions I have all day with all students because I don't have time to. Sometimes I drop a ball. Not because of lack of knowledge, just the fact I'm human.

Original poster

UndertheCedartree · 22/12/2023 21:55

Hercisback · 22/12/2023 21:42

Knowing loads about autism really doesn't help in the moment when you're teaching with 50 different demands in 2 minutes.

I am understanding and knowledgeable about autism, I've had plenty of training, I keep up to date with autistic students information. Doesn't mean I don't snap occasionally.

It's not about snapping. Let's leave that aside for one moment!

It's that many teachers have posted on here and it's blatantly obvious they don't really understand autism.

The second point is, you say you've had a lot of training - great. Many on this thread said they'd had no training.

Many also said they had no time to keep up to date with autistic students information.

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