To feel sad my DD missed Christmas dinner

[UndertheCedartree]

My 11yo DD is autistic and she has recently started at a new school. The school have been great in supporting her.

Sadly, she went into a Science class for the first time yesterday and as they have set seats she asked the teacher where she should sit. The teacher snapped at her that she didn't know and she had to stand at the front of the class waiting for the others to sit down which really unsettled and upset her.

Today was their Christmas dinner day and they could go in wearing pyjamas. She was really looking forward to this. But as we got closer to school this morning she got more and more distressed. Once in school she had a full on meltdown that went on for ages. Eventually she calmed down enough for me to leave and they took her up to the Learning support centre where she promptly fell asleep exhausted after her melt down. She missed her Christmas dinner! After a while they asked me to come and pick her up. I feel so sad for her. I'd spent a lot of time preparing her for the Christmas dinner and it was going to be a nice way to introduce her to the canteen. And she was so looking forward to it. All spoilt because a teacher took her bad mood out on her.

I think op finally said the teacher said "I don't know"?

Go on then. A situation where a teacher tells a class they may be in a bad mood that isn’t an apology (maybe not literally spoken, that’s the point) for any ensuing snappiness.

No. The poster is clearly referring to the way the LSA spoke to the head in front of you and a student. Nasty, unprofessional gossiping. And you think the teacher is the one in the wrong here?

How was the exchange just between them? It was as part of a conversation with you and your DD about why she was upset. At the very least (on your recently changed version) it was in the same (small) room as you. That’s appallingly unprofessional of both of them. And unhelpful.

How have you made it clear she didn’t speak in front of you? You literally said you heard her say it in the Head’s office. Or is this all made up and you are changing it to suit?

So to clarify, the teacher said 'I don't know' to your dc. Which meant she had to wait for a while, while the teacher found her a seat. I don't see an issue with this. Only the tone taken. The LSA should have been there to support the teacher and the child.

When will this thread end .... you are sad your DD missed xmas dinner. As endlessly discussed now this seems to have been attributed to numerous reasons including wearing pjs to school, the expectations around school dinner but you are attributing most of this to a teacher snapping/saying 'I don't know' to your dd. Most people agree that in a mainstream secondary it will be impossible for teaching staff to consider everyone's idiosyncrasies and needs and sometimes pupils will not be always happy with the response of teacher. Why do you keep replying to everyone and endlessly making the same points. Take some of the excellent advice / experiences and move on..

@adomizo I agree. The OP is fixated on this and it's actually really sad. How much time has been spent making the same points over and over? To what end? Sounds like an obsession with this teacher's actions that's going to end up overshadowing the whole Xmas period for them.

Yabu. She missed it. She was upset. It was an overreaction to what happened but probably expected with the asd.
But its really not the end of the world.
So many more stressful things than this with a sen child.
Mine got a warning for an issue that was wholy down to school error. And would have upset any child.
I think its not too bad that you have let school know she was upset later as they need to see the impact but i dont think anyone could foresee and do think it would have been up to your dc to maybe take herself out if distressed or for the lsa to notice.

I've explained many times now we weren't sitting having a conversation as such. It was all a bit chaotic with upset DD and head of year popping in etc. I didn't explain anything but DD spoke to the Head. It is a large space with office, sitting area and conference table. It was a discrete conversation between the Head and LSA. At the end of the day you can take that at face value or not. I was looking for some support around being upset about something that happened to my DD. If you can't help then not sure why you're posting.

Fair enough. I understand your point. We weren't in a public area though, we were in the Head's office. And it wasn't a discussion. But, yes, I take your point.

I've said it countless times from my first replies! 😂

'Lucy, I'm not in the mood for this today! I'm in a really bad mood!' That's not an apology.

They referred to the LSA not helping DD as they were gossiping! So no, they were clearly not meaning that. The LSA was asked something by the Head and they answered them. That's hardly gossiping!!

Because it didn't involve anyone else. It wasn't part of the conversation between DD and the Head. I've not changed anything. I didn't say it was a small room, either.

The thing is real life situations aren't all near and tidy like you want them to be. You've got your idea of what happened in your head and can't seem to cope with it being exactly like that. I take the point perhaps the small exchange shouldn't have happened anywhere near us. But what I'm trying to say it didn't happen in conversation with us. We weren't all squeezed in a small room having a conversation. I had a conversation with noone!

It was the very opposite of discreet! It was in a room where a parent and - crucially - child could hear!
Why are you so fixated on the teacher being unprofessional when the head and LSA were far, far, worse? And deliberate. Is it because they were saying what you wanted to hear?

That’s not what happened though, is it? In the circumstance you described, that’s not what happened.

It was in front of you, in a space where you clearly could hear. It was unforgivably unprofessional.

The thing is real life situations aren't all near and tidy like you want them to be.
Indeed, @UndertheCedartree
Much like the exchange between your DD and her teacher.

There is no point, I've tried for ages to make it clear why lsa are for 1-1 not whole class but op believes every class has a ta at this school. Seems much more likely her daughter doesn't want a 1-1 so that's what she's been told to me.

The thing is real life situations aren't all near and tidy like you want them to be.

Oh the irony.

When I say discreet I meant they said it quietly and were in a different part of the room. And in all honesty they didn't say anything that really mattered if we heard, imo.

I don't know what you mean by saying what I wanted to hear.

What?! I said the teacher said she was in a bad mood. You said that must have been an apology. I said there hadn't been an apology. You insisted the only possible reason for a teacher saying they were in a bad mood was as an apology. I said I could think up ways they could say it not as an apology. You asked me for one of those scenarios. I told you and now you want to argue they couldn't have possibly said it like that! Are you the teacher?? 😂 Because if not how is it you know so much about what exactly happened?!

You can try to make clear all sorts of things that happen at your school. It doesn't change what happens at my DD's school. Others have tried to explain to you as well that many high schools have class LSAs not sure what you don't understand. You can try til your blue in the face to explain something that's not true - you're not going to make me believe you! 😂

I don't know how clearer I can be. My DD does not need and does not have a 1:1 LSA. Her class (I never said every class) has an LSA in with them.