Would you say yes if at front of line and was asked to let a disabled child first ?

[Nearlyfinished2023]

Today my DD with her aunt went to some Xmas pop up thing, which had a character meet n Greet with one of her fav characters.
her rang me on the way home whilst I was talking with a friend and said how when they got there the line was massive and she took DD to the front to speak to the lady ( DD has visible tubes ) to ask how long the wait was in which they replied 2 hours. Aunt told DD there was no way she would stand in that cold for 2 hours and that maybe they could do something else. The worker then asked the front people if they didn’t mind if they Let her quickly run in to do the meet and greet, they were fine with this and DD got to go in.
my friend was mortified 😂 she was like I would be fuming and what about the people behind the first family what if they cared ?
she thinks it was very unfair as it was such a long line that everyone had to wait.
would you have minded ?

It depends.

I used to work at an airport.

Cue loads of alleged disabled DCs apparently unable to wait in any type of queue whatsoever and parents demanding immediate pass for themselves and about 20 hangers on.

As with all these things, for every genuine case there's 5 piss takers and people are sick of it.

My DH and DD are both disabled by the way.

I always offer proof when I'm trying to access disabled spaces. I would say 90% of the time I'm just told 'it's fine, on you go' - places such as big businesses seem to want the most evidence of they are giving a free carer ticket, yet I contacted Westminster Abbey once as you can go free if disabled but can't book it online. They said just tell them at the desk, no evidence needed. The ironic part is I could never be so able as to do this and would timidly approach holding my evidence to show them long before I could speak, but the people who take the piss would walk up bold as brass and bare faced lie.

Disabled people, some not all of course, have fought against being asked to prove they are disabled and I can see why they would, also there is no 'firm' proof for all but it would eliminate a lot of piss takers if we stopped taking people at their word.

Also. I don't want to be judged as a pisstaker! I have a very strong need to be believed so I always try to prove just so nobody is thinking I'm not genuine.

So you agree that there is no need to allow a disabled child to go to the front of the queue?

Yes, no need.
Sometimes its helpful.
Sometimes, fairly rarely, it's essential.

Why would a child with no learning difficulties but in a wheelchair need to skip to the front? Why would my autistic 10 year old be less able to queue than a group of NT 2 and 3 year olds?

@GreatAuntMaude

Why would my autistic 10 year old be less able to queue than a group of NT 2 and 3 year olds?

I mean, transition is HUGE for autistic children and of all the things people don't know about autism this isn't usually one of them.

I would absolutely let her go in front of me without a thought.

I know plenty about autism thanks. Including that every autistic child is different and that not every autistic child would be unable to queue

@GreatAuntMaude

I know plenty about autism thanks. Including that every autistic child is different and that not every autistic child would be unable to queue

Right, but you are asking why your autistic 10 year old... who we know nothing about. So generalising, to the person who does not know your 10 year old, transition would be the reason.

If I had noticed dd there I would have offered them to jump in, if I hadn't and was asked I would have zero problems saying yes.

You gotta get some perks, living with a disability is hard and I imagine queues etc are reasons you dd may miss out on things. I'm glad strangers in general will happily make allowances to make life a bit better for her.

So when it is essential for a disabled child to go to the front of the queue, why shouldn't the non disabled in the queue use the extra time to count their bessings? It is really only an old fashioned way of saying they are counting or recognising their privileges - something that we normally encourage.

I agree that people, whether or not disabled, do not want to be pitied. That is unhelpful, patronising and condescending (even assuming the pity is sincere). But recognising your privilege/ counting your blessings is a good thing and I think you owe an apology to Teddleshon who never mentioned pity. They were words you unfairly put into her mouth.

I'm sorry but I find it shocking that a parent of a disabled child isn't familiar with fluctuating disabilities, or the spoon theory, or any of the other terms within disability rights that contradict this idea that disability is fixed and binary.

I suffered a massive stroke three years ago, it's very painful and dangerous for me to stand (since standing for long periods causes my blood pressure to drop due to POTS meaning I'm at risk of fainting), but I often have no choice but to grit my teeth and bare it since there's usually no option for adults with "invisible" disabilities to queue jump, and I have aphasia so have trouble articulating my needs verbally.

Some days I am in more physical pain than others, so I might be able to stand in a queue on a Monday but not on a Tuesday. It's not a case of "can or can't." It depends on the day.

If I decide to join a queue that looks small and like it will go fast, then the queue ends up taking longer than expected (because more people join, or there's a delay) I might have to leave the queue even after queueing for a few minutes because I can physically stand in a queue for only a short period of time. So again it's not as a simple as "well you joined the queue so obviously you're able to queue."

Or I might join a queue thinking that my pain is manageable that day, then realise after a few minutes that I overestimated my own capacity, and have to leave the queue.

A group pushing to the front would cause me to suffer an increase in physical pain and that increase might force me to abandon my place in the queue.

I agree that the world should accommodate disabled people better, that there should be systems were disabled people don't have to queue with everyone else, but no I personally as a mobility impaired person would not let a disabled child go in front of me as that would cause me physical pain and potentially force me to leave the queue myself.

Just baffled by the idea that only people with no issues queueing would get in a queue! People often have no choice! Obviously this thread is about a leisure activity but there are lots of things where you simply have no option to avoid queueing.

Cold can be a serious risk to disabled people. I know as someone who has always lived with Rheumatoid Arthritis. It’s unpleasant to wait in the cold for the others children and adults but for some people it can make an already difficult and possibly painful condition much worse.

There are many things disabled children are excluded from both because of their impairments and because of living in a world that treats them as an afterthought at best. Most of the children queuing will enjoy many experiences that this little girl can’t.

A little act of kindness never hurt anyone. Equality is not treating everyone the same. It’s about adapting the physical environment and altering people’s mindset.

I wouldn't mind at all, and think most people wouldn't.

Life is hard enough for kids with disabilities, make things easier / better for them where you can, I say.

It would be perfectly reasonable for you as someone who meets the description of disabled under the Equality Act to go to the front as this a reasonable adjustment.
As your condition is variable (believe me I understand) but the likelihood of it negatively impacting your health either immediately or later means for the purpose of the act it is to be treated as though this occurs all the time.

If you feel you shouldn’t make use of reasonable adjustments for you then continue would your family want you to struggle when it’s not necessary? Of course not.

Sorry my reply was for TurquoiseMermaid

Ds would never go to something like that but we have jumped the queue in medical settings because Ds struggles with waiting and busy places ( obviously not in front of those with an urgent need).

I wouldn’t ask to jump the queue, but I’d allow someone to go in front of me.

I’d wonder if they wanted to be treated the same as everyone else though. I’ve seen it happen, that person said they didn’t want any special treatment.

I appreciate it but I don't have enough verbal speech to explain why a healthy-looking youngish woman is going to the front, so unless it's a situation where something is pre-booked and has really excellent disability access (most places either just stare at you blankly even if you've booked disability access if you don't look like what they think a disabled person looks like, or the disability access meeting place is inside so you have to queue to be able to get to that point in the first place, or the access you've booked just doesn't materialise), so most of the time I don't have any choice.

I don't have any family.

I don't begrudge disabled children going to the front in principal, I'm explaining why I personally wouldn't be able to say yes, and why a situation like this might force me to have to leave the queue. It's not as simple as the OP believes, ie if you're physically able to join a queue, you obviously have no issues queuing.

Using other people to 'count your blessings/ recognise your privilege'.. blimey! Disabled people aren't there to be a teachable moment.
Not only are you arrogantly assuming that everyone else able to queue is 'non-disabled', even those that are - they're not cold-proof. Especially as many in this case might be young children, waiting in the cold for hours, getting hungry, wanting to go the toilet, etc etc. If accompanied by a single adult they have nobody to hold their place in the queue. So if someone's a single mum, and the queue gets longer and longer because of all the people skipping you're saying because she isn't disabled she can bloody well wait? And erm 'count her blessings' while trying to wrangle the kids?

If anybody 'misses out' on this event it's because of the organisers' lack of thought and common sense. Not because of the perceived selfishness of the other queuers in not allowing someone to skip the queue. It takes 5 mins to set up a system that prevents all this but they don't give a fig. No need to blame other 'customers' for it.

If you are counting your blessings you are not like me or that your children are not like mine, then you absolutely do pity us. We don't need it, thanks though.

Can’t imagine anyone would mind. Isn’t that just standard practice at theme parks, etc.

Of course I cannot vouch for every single theme park in the entire world, but most have priority passes. If you cannot queue, you get one of those. Even if theme park staff let disabled people into the queue for free, it's still a separately managed queue that should have no impact on the main queue.

DIsneyland paris IIRC doled out time slots.

Exactly @brickastley .
FTR nobody is disputing that letting people ahead is a kind thing to do IF it has minimal impact on anybody else. As I've said multiple times if it's one or two people over the course of an hour. Fine.

What gets my goat is condescension like the post replied to... but also people not believing that there just couldn't be THAT many people who can't queue and so need to skip ahead. And if that happens obviously there's a bigger impact to everyone else in the queue! Not the person who let them go ahead, because it's their turn next, but all the people at the end of the queue. Who apparently just have to shut up and put up. As a PP said if people are THAT bothered they could give up their place and go to the back of the queue instead!

This is not relevant to the OP as her daughter was invited to skip by staff. But if someone showed up and 'asked' to skip. They don't know whether they're the 1st or 10th person to do it in that hour...

I try to see the best in people so I assume if someone has asked to skip the line due to a disability, then it’s necessary. Of course not all disabilities mean you cannot queue. In this case, perhaps the child cannot queue.

There are some conditions where the cold or heat can exacerbate it. I have a rare lung disease and could wait in moderate temperature but the cold makes breathing much harder work and my oxygen levels drop. There are other conditions too that would mean someone absolutely could not take part solely due to their health.

It depends on the disability surely…? I won’t live my full adult lifespan and life can be really bloody hard due to my lung disease. I count my blessings that my own children are not like me nor that they will have to suffer.

I have a child with ASD and I do wish life was easier for him. I would never ever wish him not to be him because he’s amazing. I do sometimes feel pity for his struggles and his emotional pain and the life he won’t be able to live.