To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

Of course your child needs a lunch!!!

My 8yo still gets distracted at lunch. He also won't eat if there's too much food. I would cut down, he def doesn't need a treat either. I would try half a sandwich or similar and half a satsuma or chopped apple and see what happens. My experience has been if there's nice food that gets eaten first and the rest is neglected so I just cut back and have a variety of things. It's going to be good trying this all out now before they get into school

As precious as your child?

Discouraging salty crisps and high sugar dried fruit is pretty standard for most schools and pre schools where I live. Just half the sandwich and send that with a piece of fresh fruit. The idea that you would just send in some crisps for a pre-schooler is bad and the fact the pre-school have allowed your child to just eat crisps for lunch every day is even worse.

What does a typical days food look like for him when in preschool and when at home @Unpackedlunch?

@Snugglemonkey totally. My time is far, far more precious than my child <sigh>

What DS eats (and his sister, when weaned) is actually really important to me. I make sure he eats healthily, I worry when he doesn’t eat, probably too much, I cook and I bake and I never resent that.

But when you’re doing something that serves absolutely no purpose other than to tick a box it does strike me as pointless and wasteful.

I’ll try him after Christmas with some healthy snack type food and see if that is better. I don’t want to not send him to preschool but might have to consider, or alter sessions, if things don’t improve.

The two nurseries my DC have been at have flagged when my DC haven't eaten enough for a few days in a row. Eith my youngest who has sen they were considering me collecting her at lunch but then she started to eat. It should be an issue for your nursery. But ofcourse you need to provide food for your DC and it would definitely be neglect to refuse. I would imagine if you did refuse this would likely be reported as a safeguarding concern. Your DC may one day decide they are hungry. Imagine if your Mum had said you are not allowed to eat lunch ever again because at 3 you didn't eat enough of your packed lunch.

When at home, he usually has porridge with banana / blueberries for breakfast, or on a fancy day pancakes or eggy bread worh raspberries / banana.

Lunch is generally something simple but healthy like beans on toast or fish fingers, mash and peas. Then dinner is home made chilli or bolognaise or chicken casserole or chicken curry etc. with plenty of veg. Usually has apple or pear mid afternoon. Sometimes has a yoghurt after dinner.

Preschool days is the same but sans lunch basically.

You are not doing it to tock a box and your time is not more precious than your child's wellbeing. You need to keep trying things until you find a lunch he will eat.

I would ask the school if they can ensure he eats more than just crisps. Failing that I would send him with just fruit, and foods that you can pack again if not used.

Yes, but I am.

It isn’t that he dislikes the food - it’s simply that he’d rather play. If I sent him in with a chocolate bar and crisps he’d probably eat lunch mind but that would be neglectful, I’d say.

As it is, on days when he doesn’t eat lunch - although it’s provided - I give him a banana at 3, then he has dinner at 5.

take the crisps out and send other food which he will find easy to eat.

does he like cheese sticks and cherry tomato
apple pieces and cream cheese dip
grapes and chopped kiwi
crackers and marmite
bread sticks

He loves all of them @MikeRafone but he won’t eat them there.

This isn’t a fussy eater problem, which I’m grateful for. But one of my friends had the same with her little girl not eating her packed lunch at the childminders and I must admit I thought it was fairly common.

But not even trying to get him to eat anything is fine because you think he's wasting your time?

@DinkyDonkey2018

how exactly is Op to blame? She cannot force feed her child. She has been sending in food. Can you explain why it is her fault?

He loves all of them @MikeRafone but he won’t eat them there.

then send it in and when you collect him, let him sit and have a picnic then. Eventually there will be a day when he does eat some - he clearly eats the crisps but swapping that for something else might be better

I see that lunch at home may usually be things like fishfingers. Would it be possible to put a couple of precooked fish goujons in to see whether he would eat those. What time does preschool finish? If you explain to the preschool that he eats when he gets in therefore you will simply providing a snack then I don't see the harm of just crisps or as you like home cooking perhaps something a banana muffin or even a savoury muffin would work

I’ve explained that the problem with that is it messes up evenings and bedtimes @MikeRafone .

If he eats a packed lunch at 3, then he doesn’t want dinner at 5, which pushes dinner back to 6, which pushes bath time back to 7 (ds is not famed for his speed where food is concerned) which pushes bed back to 8, by this time the baby is beside herself with tiredness so I do need to keep dinner at 5 or thereabouts.

I'd be talking to the preschool. Trying to find out what's different between there and nursery.

Because you make it sound like at preschool there's no expectation to sit at table altogether and eat? I wouldn't be happy with that and would be raising it with them.

I’m sorry but do you just sit on threads like this and wait for your moment to tell mums off for giving their kids a packet of quavers because it’s going to make them obese? Or even worse, if you feed your family sausages and mash for dinner then they might get cancer.

Honestly stop with the judgement it’s ridiculous

It honestly isn’t a problem with the contents of his lunchbox. He eats most things (exceptions are eggs, funnily enough, and cucumber which he used to love.) But I do think it’s the different environment which is a bit too exciting.

@BlazingJune

lol it’s better to have no protein than tons of nitrates! People are so obsessed with protein on mumsnet.

You need to take this up with the staff at pre school.

Part of eating at school is to integrate with the other children.

If he's not eating, they should be encouraging him. That's their job as much as all the other things they do.

It's about socialising and eating together.

The pre-school doesn't come out of this very well if they allow or ignore any child who is not eating at lunchtime. Surely there is supervision?

The other thing you could do at home is to involve him in the lunch box, by getting him to help to pack it. You could offer him a choice of XYZ (healthy options) which would start to give him some choice, autonomy and responsibility that might encourage him to eat his lunch.

This. This sounds like a pre school
issue to me. And I’m going to buck the trend and say that if they can’t/ won’t fix it then it isn’t going to kill him not to eat lunch a couple of times a week, if he’s having breakfast, a mid morning snack, and a banana when he gets home. To give him the option of eating lunch if he wants to I’d send him in with the banana and something else small he’d usually eat at home, and then if he doesn’t eat it, give it to him as a snack when he gets home so it doesn’t go to waste.