To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

Agreed, he isn’t a baby.

I understand the frustration, but not sending him in a lunch at all is... not how this parenting malarkey works.

Maybe send something else in place of the crisps, and see how he does.

I've been thinking back to dc's preschool days and that I didn't give lunch unless they were there for the full day. Morning session 9-12, afternoon session 12:30-3:30. Only the dc staying the whole day had lunch, and that was generally just the older ones so they were getting ready to be sat longer for school lunches. Less distracting.

@Unpackedlunch what is the difference between the nursery and pre school? Usually once a child is in pre school they no longer attend a day-care nursery.
What makes the set up different? Does he only associate pre-school as somewhere you go to play? Which is maybe why he doesn't want to stop and eat.

Hi, I haven't read the full thread as saw it was becoming a bit of a pile on. Just want to say I know how frustrating it can be to make a pack lunch and for it not to be touched. We had various issues. Eventually she moved to school dinners which she ate. They are now "disgusting" after a year and she eats a pack lunch.

She is six but only has half a sandwich. She was leaving half which was annoying. She told me she wasn't hungry enough for a full one. So now when it is a sandwich being made it is cut into two. One half in lunch box the other in fridge ready for the next day.

If he isn't touching his food I don't see why the sandwich can't be used for the next day? If a cool pack is going in the lunch box and the lunch box has been kept in the fridge I find everything is perfectly fresh and can be used the next day if not eaten.

Good cool insulation lunch box and great food storage could be your solution.

Food safety police may be onto me here but my child has never been ill and the food looks, smells and tastes perfectly fresh.

It’s a completely different setting. He goes to nursery for two days a week but he’s also started to attend the preschool, mostly to establish friendships before he starts school.

@Unpackedlunch that could be part of it - nursery lunch is more formal and the staff are there assisting the children but pre-school is a bit more 'school" where the kids are left to get on with it with a lunch supervisor just keeping an eye on them but not helping them eat.
There an old Topsy and Tim book called something like "Topsy and Tim and the New Lunchboxes" (I'm not sure if it's available in the newer editions but you can probably get an old one from somewhere like Abe Books). The plot is basically the twins get new lunchboxes and it shows what they have for their lunch and what the routine of eating it at their pre-school is (like all T&T books the plot is riveting 😂).
Maybe a read of it (and maybe even an exciting new lunch box) could see him more enthusiastic about lunch.

Thanks for that recommendation, always on the lookout for new books. (Many of his books have terrible plots. Julia Donaldson a notable exception!)

@Unpackedlunch I have a fondness for Topsy and Tim books. The author takes the most mundane of things from small childrens lives and turns it into a story 🤣

I have no issue and respect that others insist on the table or nowhere etc but (sorry to sound bossy!) I’m not going to be changing what I’m doing in respect of this.

Okaaaaay.

So why ask for advice @Unpackedlunch ?

You had zillions of posts suggesting changes to the lunchbox.

Then you said that he doesn't sit down at home to eat (anything?) just eats on the go.

So the issue isn't the food.

It's that he has to sit still at a table at pre school. And he can't eat lunch sitting still as a) he's too distracted and b) he is supposed to eat as soon as he arrives .

How is your attitude (not going to be changing ...) going to help him?

Honestly, if you can't see that bringing up a child who isn't expected to sit at a table and eat, with you as a role model, what can anyone say?

Not true about just having a lunch supervisor at preschool, we have to adhere to ratios even when the children are eating. 3 year olds have 1 member of staff for each 8 children.

@unvillage I was just guessing on that scenario - I don't know if that's how it is.
It depends on what the "pre-school" actually is. My daughter attended the nursery class (ie the 3 to 4 year olds) at the local primary school. This is what some people call "pre-school". As it was part of the school the full time children who stayed and had lunch were send off to the hall with the rest of the school where it was the lunchtime supervisors in charge as the teaching staff were having their own lunch.
It gets confusing because "nursery" can mean day-care environment but also "nursery' is the youngest class in a primary school (so school environment).
I don't know the difference between the OPs nursery and pre-school obviously.

I’m not asking for advice about where he eats at home @BlazingJune . The thread is about what to do re preschool.

I think what I’ve come to understand is very few 2-3 year olds will sit at the table for long enough to eat a decent amount. I think that’s why a lot of young children end up having a lot of snacks, which we don’t (that really isn’t being critical of those who do but I’m glad we’ve swerved it - so far anyway.) What he eats and how much are far, far more important to me than where he eats it.

@Needmorelego it is confusing. Essentially I need the nursery for childcare purposes, when I work. It’s been really good. But we he’s got older his friendships have become more important and I wanted him to have friends from the catchment area of his school.

What does he eat at home? I’d send whatever he will eat because children need to eat.

Don't put the crisps in. He will eat the sandwich. If he doesn't eat the sandwich put in crackers or something he will eat

I also have a child who won’t eat at school. Nothing. Whatever I sent was wasted, and I tried everything suggested on this thread. Cubes of veg / meat / fish / crackers / yogurt.

He got free school lunches for R-2 and after that I paid despite him never eating a thing. I figured it was easier to pay up rather than send in something that would be wasted.

He’s in year 9. I send nothing on the basis there is a canteen and he has cash on his card. I put on £10 the day he started year 7. He hasn’t spent any of it.

In your circs I’d try sending different options as suggested. Ask about pasta in a thermos. If he still won’t eat then send in crackers in a box and ask the staff to offer him. And replace when they are finished.

Is the preschool fussy about what's in the lunchbox? You could just put in packaged things which will keep for another day if he doesn't eat them

OK from reading a few of the replies I'd like to change my initial response lol I work in a preschool and there is no set break time. The break table is open from 9.30-11.30 and again 2-5.30 (there's a hot meal provided at 12.30 for those who stay on for daycare services) and the children are free to take their lunch boxes out at any time rather than be told its time to eat. My supervisor spent years encouraging children to eat lunch and most of them just weren't hungry at a set time! Now children are eating much more as they are eating when they are hungry. I'd advise a wee chat with his teacher just to ask whatever questions you have. I'm sure they would be only to happy to help!

I’m hoping this is a joke. Yes you need to send a lunch. Every day. Children learn from their peers. He is learning to sit down at a table and eat his lunch. You might need to send a sandwich for 3 months but he may eventually start to eat his sandwich. What if he is really hungry and you’ve sent nothing?
he’s probably eating crisps because they are there. Send something else. Crackers and cheese in small inviting pieces, cucumber and carrot sticks, apple slices, fruit, digestive biscuit, sausage roll. Staff will call you if he arrives with no lunch. It will get escalated to their manager and possibly children’s services if he always arrives without lunch. Speak to the staff. Ask why. Is he distracted. Are they encouraging. Ask what they can do to assist.
I can’t believe this is a serious question.

Well, we will have to agree to disagree.

Neither of my children ate 'on the go'.

From as soon as they were eating, and out of a high chair, they were taught to sit at the table and eat, as part of the family.

If you have such low expectations of your 3 year old that's your choice. But you aren't teaching him good behaviour.

Yes great. As I have said, you did what worked for you and I’m doing what works for us.

Semi serious. Frantic rush this morning after a bad night and I had to make his lunch (I know, should have done it the night before but wiped out) and it did feel like an annoyance as I knew it wouldn’t be eaten.

Kids are annoying, you just have to suck it up and do things anyway. At least he will be past the stage of throwing his food now

I've known people visited for less.