To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

@LuckySantangelo35 Yep! and anyway we love sausage and mash so i’m taking all the nitrates once a week 😂

Thanks. I may have to try this - it will be very rushed but better than not eating lunch.

I may have to rethink the whole thing if he doesn’t eat any lunch at all. But we’ll see how we go for a while.

I understand for some people sitting at a table is very important but here it isn’t. And he does and can - does at nursery. Just not at preschool for some reason. I need to find out what is different.

@Unpackedlunch when you say "pre-school" is it part of an Infant or Primary School?
It could be that they are only allocated 20 minutes in the hall for lunch and their slot is over. If the children haven't eaten in that time it's tough luck as the next class has to come in. The staff might be constantly telling him to eat but once the time has run out there isn't much they can do.
( terrible system - but that's how many schools are)

Thanks, I can understand that but no, it’s on its own. It’s lovely, just the food is a bit of an issue!

I have one of these - he’s 12 now and still entirely unmotivated to eat and he is also the opposite of a fussy eater! He’ll eat almost anything, the more ‘interesting’ the better, but just not much of it and he just doesn’t seem to feel hunger like other kids. I think at 3, he also would have struggled to eat at pre-school if it wasn’t closely supervised as there would be too much else to do and he’s such a slow eater. Anyway, you have my sympathy and, contrary to the poll on the other post, I absolutely think that you should discuss this with the preschool as that it is part of their job of educating them (and ultimately being ready for school) and of looking after his basic needs while he’s in their care. Don’t do it as an accusation (I don’t get the feeling you would anyway) but it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for their help in getting him to eat a bit more.

Just send a sandwich and drink. If you know he's only eating the crisps then surely just cut those out?
You've said he's not going to starve so I don't understand why you've not done this already? Then if he eats nothing that's an issue.

@JANEY205 where do you live? in uk 4/5 is school age

How on earth does a 3 year old eat his healthy diet of porridge and blueberries, baked beans on toast and homemade chicken curry whilst running around at home and never sitting at a table to do it 🤔. I wouldn’t be able to manage to eat any of that even standing up and standing still without spilling most of it down my front!

@Katrinawaves maybe he has a little mini table or coffee table that he stops still long enough to eat at.
Not everyone actually has room for a dining room table and they have to improvise.

He does indeed have his own table and I do feed him too. Generally he will sit at his table for the first ‘half’, then get down and I feed him the rest. I realise not everyone would choose to do this but I am fairly sure it’s the best way to ensure he eats enough for now.

So you’re doing what works for you and I’m doing what works for me 👍🏻

There will be people jumping on to criticise you for still feeding your child without a doubt. We all have our own ways of parenting, it varies between cultures too and kids usually survive and thrive whatever approach we take. It’s possible though if I can gently suggest, that still partly feeding him when he’s capable at his age of doing it himself is contributing to the issue at lunchtime.

There are a lot of us still feeding older children. Whatever gets healthy food into them is fine with me. He eats no problem at nursery, just lazy!

@PastelHouses for some parents where their child eats is primary importance. For me, it’s what he eats and how much. We don’t all parent to the same set of beliefs or values. For my part I really don’t give two figs where a meal is eaten as long as it is eaten.

He eats fine in cafes etc - I would actually say better than most children his age - it isn’t something I’m going to get worked up about.

I think sometimes MumsNet is very judgmental. Fine she is feeding her three year old. He is eating, is nourished and healthy. Whatever works.

I bet she also only makes a chicken last one meal and her salads could be at best called medium.

He eats fine in cafes when you are there to encourage him but the whole point of this thread is that he doesn’t eat at pre-school where he isn’t getting that 1:1 attention!

Do what works for you @Unpackedlunch nothing wrong with feeding a three year old. He's still a baby

Yeah but your system isn't working because you've come on here unhappy that he isn't eating at nursery - the reason he isn't eating at nursery is because (1) no one is spoon feeding him (2) they won't let him eat and walk round (3) he doesn't want to sit at the table because 5 days a week he doesn't have to

So the problem of lack of food at nursery (which is the issue you started the thread about) is a direct consequence of poor dining habits at home.

Will have to give it time @Katrinawaves . If it really isn’t working with the preschool we’ll have a rethink.

He eats fine at nursery. It is preschool where we’re having a problem. It may settle, it may not.

Oh Nursery and Preschool is the same thing round my way.

How often is he at either of them? What foods do you pack on Nursery days?

In the gentlest way OP, your way of parenting isn’t working though. You have a child who cannot sit still and eat unsupervised or independently.
sitting at a table and eating with others independently is so important. Firstly for safety, allowing him to move around with food in the mouth is dangerous. Secondly, for social interaction and communication skills. As a society, we sit down and eat and in 18 months time, he will be expected to do that at school without getting up and leaving the table. It is also known that children who sit down and eat with the family have less issues with food. weight management and food related mental illnesses in later life.

I’d disagree to be honest. He’s eating fine at home, nursery, out and about. It’s literally just preschool and that is probably a combination of a packed lunch and the fact that he’s expected to eat when he comes in, as others have said.

I have no issue and respect that others insist on the table or nowhere etc but (sorry to sound bossy!) I’m not going to be changing what I’m doing in respect of this.