To just not send in a packed lunch?

[Unpackedlunch]

Ds is 3, started at a preschool in September. All fine, except it’s a packed lunch and ds doesn’t eat it. Every time he goes I send him with a sandwich, fruit and crisps and every time he comes back with the crisps eaten and nothing else.

I definitely don’t want to be That Parent and the staff are lovely and I don’t want to risk antagonising them, but I can’t see the point of wasting food. It’s also one more thing to do and I know it doesn’t take long but that’s not the point. Would it really be unreasonable to just not bother? It looks neglectful I know but equally what’s the point of sending in food for the sake of it?

Thanks @Snowonthebeachx , glad it improved for you the sad little sandwich may get eaten yet, then!

Haven’t RTFT but my DC’s school has a ‘lunch’ club where a small group of children are taken to a smaller, quiet room to eat away from the main group. If the problem is that he is getting distracted, this could help. In the lunch hall, children would be sent back if they tried to go to play before they had eaten enough so I’m surprised this is allowed in pre-school!

Some of these replies are just hilarious you're going to "starve" him by not providing him with food he's not going to eat, how does that work? Not to mention nobody has ever starved from going, what 5-6 hours without food!

If its the time thing that's an issue and you've already noted the comments that a whole sandwich might be too much for him just make up two/three "normal" cheese sandwiches, cut into fourths, stuck in the freezer and take out 2 fourths a day. By lunchtime it will be defrosted. That way if he doesn't eat it you're not wasting time every morning and only wasting 3 or four slices of bread a week. If he then starts eating it of course you can then start making nicer/fresher things but if as it seems to be he isn't hungry and is choosing not to eat then I agree with you there's no need to waste loads of food as long as he has SOMETHING as a back up if one day he is hungry.

Then just send in the same tangerine/baby bel or whatever with it every day until it goes off -if he's hungry he'll eat it if not its only a few items a month wasted.

Well, there you are. He wants to eat while playing and running around like he does at home. Preschool obviously won't allow that for safety reasons. So he doesn't prioritise eating.

If you're not going to take any advice, what's the point of this thread?

I have taken advice, just not every piece of advice. Forcing him to sit at a table just means he eats barely anything, so I’m happy for him to eat on the go. He’s fine sitting at the table at nursery, so unsure what’s different at preschool but I’ll happily continue with the sandwich and fruit for a while. If he still continues not to eat it we can have a rethink.

It's taken over 200 posts before you have said he doesn't sit at a table at home to eat, but I expect him to at pre school.

Can you see the connection?

I'm sorry but you ought to be establishing a proper pattern of eating food in the home.

If he eats 'on the go' and isn't learning to sit at the table with you or anyone else, how can you expect him to at school?

I've worked in preschools and we have always had a set lunchtime and all the children have sat down together to eat their lunch. This encourages all children to eat, even the fussiest ones. I'm absolutely amazed that your pre school is allowing children to eat whenever and run round playing while eating food? Am I correct there? I think the problem is with the preschool and I'd be asking why they don't sit down as a group.

Also I'd echo what another poster has said. Buy single wrap items that you can just bung back into the lunchbag the next day.one slice of bread for a sandwich, etc. Saves wasting food but it's still there for him to have if he wants to eat it.

OP can’t get him to try to eat anything because she isn’t there. The food is just something in a box. If the pre-school staff do nothing, the whole responsibility falls on a 3 year old.

Forcing him to sit at a table just means he eats barely anything, so I’m happy for him to eat on the go

You've made a rod for your own back.

He would eat sitting at a table if the only time you gave him food was when he sat down at the table.

It's not about 'forcing' it's training him in social skills, and that's your role as a parent.

I still can't get my head round having to sit and eat your lunch as soon as you arrive for an afternoon session at pre-school? Is that common these days? I can't imagine any child wanting to do that when they've just arrived - there must be much more exciting stuff to do.

Can you not feed him before he goes?

@Seeline I agree with that BUT the OP has said her son doesn't sit at a table at home to eat.

OP- why aren't you teaching your child social skills like sitting and eating together?

Do you sit and eat lunch with him at the same time, at home? Might be a good idea!

He likes bits he can pick at then! Nothing wrong with sending him in with a few small things that he can tackle little by little :)

With my child who barely ate, I started including some elements that I could reuse. They filled out the lunch box and if she ate them, great, if not, then no big deal. After a few trips back and forth I would toss them and replenish.

So I would pack crackers, I think those are biscuits in the uk, which would go uneaten. I would also pack some little slices of cheese which she would eat. So it looked like a planned meal, but she just at the bits she would eat.

I think I had cut up fruit that I knew she would eat and then a small apple that was unlikely.

if she ever got hungry there was plenty of food and I never let it get stale, but I did reuse it across days.

She even asked me why I bothered with the things she didn’t eat and I admitted I couldn’t send her with a lunch as small as she wanted because it would look bad. She was a precocious ASD child and prone to questions like that and we gave honest answers.

You need to pack him something, even if it's just a few pieces of fruit that can return back to your fruit bowl at the end of the day.

I'd definitely talk to the pre school first though, I'm not sure why anyone would think it's unreasonable to do so. Maybe someone could sit with him and encourage him. My DS went through a phase of barely eating in reception, the TA asked me if I'd mind if they encouraged him to eat (I think as the done thing now is to just provide food and not comment on how much they're eating but some kids need that encouragement). I said of course and he started eating better.

Please please role model eating meals together sitting at a table.

eat the same food, at the same time, together.

It's a really, really important basic life skill

Where does he sit and eat breakfast and dinner at home?

Exactly.

I'm surprised that you can't see the obvious pattern between what happens at home and what he does at pre school.

How do you expect him to sit at a table and eat with all the distraction of pre school when you've not taught him to eat at a table at home?

This is a basic social skill and no different to toilet training, getting dressed, and all the other things children need to learn.

@SecondUsername4me The OP has said he 'eats on the go' (doesn't sit down.)

And she's confused that he wants to eat on the go at nursery, can't, and thus is wasting the food?

So she's answered her own question?

OP I get how frustrating it must be but the solution isn't to just stop providing food. You need to find creative ways of making the food you provide seem appetising to little kids. Many have mentioned bento boxes, they truly are brilliant at presenting food in a non overwhelming fashion.
Things that fit nicely into bento boxes:

• mini scotch eggs
• cubes of cheese
• little round crackers
• rolled up ham
• hummus
• carrot sticks
• mini cucumbers
• cream cheese
• cherry tomatoes
• mini falafel
• raspberries
• babybels
• satsuma segments
• chopped up pineapple -
• petit filous
• pretzels

Think posh lunchables.

What time is the afternoon session @Unpackedlunch?
Would it be worth giving him lunch before he goes? At least a filling mid-morning snack? That way it doesn't matter if he doesn't eat much/anything at preschool.

No, that's silly. A busy, buzzing-around kid with a small appetite needs to eat where he'll eat. He's three. Sure he should eat sitting round the table with the family sometimes but sometimes he just needs to get calories in, that's the important thing. A kid like that often just won't eat when there's more fun things to do like at pre-school, unless it's the kid equivalent of crack. If he's eating the crisps that's something.

People are so determined to find fault with the OP's child-raising but this shit is just difficult with some kids this age. They're not adults going to an office with a lunch hour. Their heads are full of fireworks and shiny distractions.

OP, I do think you need to keep sending the lunch though, both to have it available as an option and to reassure the pre-school providers that he's adequately cared for. Don't underestimate how carefully they watch these thins. It would be fucking irritating to get pulled in for a concerned chat or whatever. Just send a half-sandwich and a tangerine or banana or whatever that he can bring back and take again the next day. That way if and when he's ready to eat in that time and place, it's there.

Absolutely agree with other posters about the importance of modelling sitting down at a table together and eating. Even if you can't do it everyday you need to try and do it regularly. You could always have a cuppa if you aren't going to eat at the same time. Concentration, social skills etc all begin at home you'll be preparing the ground for much more than 'eating manners'.

Why is that advice containing the phrase "rod for your own back" is 90% of the time shit advice.

I'd be angry with the staff if my child hadn't eaten anything but crisps.

I'd send in a sandwich, piece of fruit and a drink and ask staff to make sure he eats.