To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

The "national average" is a completely useless figure though.

It doesn't take into account things like local housing costs in your area, what your housing needs are, commuting costs, whether or not you are making student loan repayments, whether or not you have childcare costs and if so how many children, whether you are single with no children or married with three children or indeed single with three children, whether you have a second household income and if so how much etc.

It tells us next to nothing about someone's actual financial circumstances.

I don't think asking on teams was inappropriate. It's a quick easy way to get it out there, like saying it during a management meeting in the office. With the follow up email back 'Hi Bob, with childcare and COL unfortunately I can't contribute anything"

You lost me at 63k. Don't tell me you can't afford to stick £5 or £10 in the kitty.

My wife earns that, I am disabled so I can’t work, and we have a disabled child. We are entitled to the grand total UC of… less than £5 a month.

This thread just demonstrates what a slippery slope it is to try to base opinions on things like this on one person's earnings/circumstances. You get wild ideas about how much disposable income the OP 'must' have, how little the support staff 'must' be on, what people's DPs 'must' be earning.
And what's the line? Just how little money is little enough to 'excuse' people from contributing? Exactly what personal circumstances make it OK or not OK not to contribute? Is a fiver enough, or a tenner? Who gets to decide? Why?

And those saying you should tell them you can't contribute because money is tight/nursery fees are high etc: no. The OP is not in the least obligated to tell anyone anything about her personal finances or situation.

Bottom line: you send a group message suggesting and inviting contributions. You accept all contributions gladly; those you don't hear from, you fucking leave alone.

Only 63k 😂I'm on 23 lol

The ‘only £63k’ bit is distracting (although on that point I’d say that the important thing is always disposable income and not gross income. If you have kids in nursery and massive housing costs then you could be poorer month to month than someone earning half as much).

On the main point though I’m with OP. These things should be optional and done discretely with an envelope or an online anonymous account thing.

If I say how much my DH and I earn together and we STILL don't have any disposable income left after bills; I'd get flamed on here. We won't have much disposable income until the end of 2026 as we are paying off a rather large loan after a house reno, extension etc. Are we REALLY struggling? No. At least we can still pay the bills and our family always have food on the table but some months are worse than others. I know we won't be skint forever but people on here don't understand your outgoings and just see a large salary and they turn green.

@xmasmoney whilst I do think you are getting a hard time in some replies, I do also think you need to get some money management advice too. a £63000 salary would be £44,603 after tax and National Insurance. This equates to about £3,717 per month.
take off the £1500 nursery fees, that leaves £2217. Take off £300 student loan payment, £1917. Not forgetting your husbands salary on top of this.
So £1917 to cover your part of the mortgage, bills, food etc does seem like it should be more than adequate, and is pretty much what the secretaries will be taking home BEFORE their childcare/student loan.
You mention credit card debt, could you look at getting that on a 0% interest? Is there any other outgoings you could look at lessening/getting cheaper deals on? Worrying about money is stressful regardless of income, but your income does give you more to work with so it might be worth looking to see what changes you could make to free up some more money and take some pressure off.
Oh and a fiver is fine, I don't think it has to be any more than that.

Are you in London? The nursery fees are very high.

I think it's unacceptable to chase people about contributions. You make it possible, and then see what happens. One further message along the lines of 'anyone who wants to contribute the deadline is tomorrow as I'm going shopping tomorrow evening for the gift' is fine.

Yes there is a small second income but equally many of the secretaries have partners with bigger incomes

I agree OP, and it's not ok for your colleagues to keep chasing you for contributions.

But you can just ignore.

You don’t need to give any reason why you won’t / can’t contribute, as some people here are (weirdly) advising. Regardless of how much you earn, your money situation is nobody else’s business, but I do understand the pressure. I would say ‘Sorry but it’s not possible’ and that’s all. I personally wouldn’t give the shiniest of shits if they judged me.

Well I don’t think you should be being ‘chased’ about contributing. It is perfectly fine for a generic reminder to be sent out about the collection. It isn’t okay for you to be personally emailed about it. I do agree with others though that a small contribution such as £5- £10 once a year isn’t asking much. You would spend more than that popping to the shop for some milk and bread.

A collection for a gift for the secretaries is very normal, YABU to be annoyed about it.

YANBU to only give what you can, and if that's a fiver then fine.

I think people are led to vilify the wrong people sometime- there’s a lot of ill feeling towards high earners in salaried positions. The view seems to be that it should be those people who contribute towards lower earning staff in the organisation. Where is the criticism
of the business owners (or those responsible for setting salaries/ bonuses in a civil service type role)?

I’m in a different role now but in a previous job, when I worked out my salary on an hourly rate (based on actual hours worked, not contracted hours) I was on a lower hourly rate than our support staff! But I appreciated the work they did and I wouldn’t dispute that they did work hard. FWIW I did contribute to Christmas gifts, so I’m not opposed to that, but I was financially in a position where I could do so.

To answer your original question - its OK to be asked once to contribute. Its not ok for someone to harrass you personally.
Your choice is to donate a small amount, or to say no.

I think you are changing the story a bit as it suits your need OP. How on earth do you know what the partners of the admin staff are on??

Also, you do realise that admin staff are also paying extortionate nursery fees and so likely to be struggling even more than you are?

I fail to see how someone on 63k cannot afford to contribute £10.

I’m on £25k and view my superiors who have incomes similar to yours as stingy gits if they don’t bother giving a small Christmas gift. People on low salaries have to pay childcare too and have less money for luxuries.

@Vintageport but it's not a race to the bottom is it? I have a great deal of disdain towards the government generally, but especially for the way benefits claimants are treated. But any entitlement to UC means childcare costs will be contributed towards. My point was that PP purposely left that out in an attempt to make OP look bad.

OP you are getting bashed here

We can all have our struggles finance wise regardless of income!

And yes I do think that they way they have chased this up is very cheeky op. They do collections in my works & it's just one email sent out with the collectors info.

I also think that if "someone senior" (presumably with a "senior" income to match) wants to give the secretaries something, then they can do.

In the end it depends if they've actually contributed to your work that year. I do virtually all my own admin these days, but back in the day I didn't and I did give the secretaries Christmas presents.

It should always be a choice, though.

😄 good comment - only on £63k - I would love to be on that- bet the secretaries they are buying for aren't on any where near that !

You do realise that selling a house has large costs, and buying a new one incurs tens of thousands in stamp duty (especially in an expensive area which many are committed to, especially for good jobs).

It always amazes me that people trot out ‘downsize’, ‘move to a cheaper area’ as if that has no cost implications.

It is about showing your appreciation. At 63K you are on a good wage stop being so tight.