Page 8 | To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

xmasmoney · 2023-12-19T08:48:51+00:00

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable… We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat. I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email. I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

Moonlightdust · 19/12/2023 09:56

Are people on such high salaries in this day and age that £63k is deemed as measly? OP you would cry if you knew my salary (and I have 20 years work experience).

BouncingJAS · 19/12/2023 09:57

@MarkWithaC

Agreed.

MN is full of bitter women who seem unable to comprehend that in London salaries are not low like in the rest of the country because of a much higher cost of living.

So just be quiet. All of you. Its tiring to see this type of nonsense always rear its head like clockwork.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/12/2023 09:57

I think YABUfor not saying no to the messages.
But you do sound awfully stressed op and like you have a lot of pressure, does your OH have the potential to earn more or possibly work evenings?

pretzelbreath · 19/12/2023 09:57

OdeToBarney · 19/12/2023 09:39

Oh look, the competitive "look how little I earn" again! OP, you are struggling. You do not need to disclose how or why you aren't contributing, it's no one's business. The pressuring is inappropriate. £63k (or £80k joint income, not sure where that figure came from upthread) is not "loads" once you account for student loans, mortgage, childcare, and bills. Anyone who can't see why you might be struggling is being purposely opaque. FT nursery around here is £1800 amonth. Our mortgage has gone from £700 a month 5 years ago to £1200 a month today. We did our best to pick a mortgage that wouldn't overstretch us, even being (what we thought) was overly cautious about interest rates (ha). PP raging about earning £23k and having chilcare bills, are you not receiving UC (which pays 85% of chilcare bills)? Yes, I think you probably are and conveniently left that out to make OP look bad.

If you'd like to address my comments you can tag me. Merely pointing out the tone deafness of the op 'only 63k' earning well above the average wage isn't raging. There is more vitriol aimed at me, and other posters in your post, than mine. And no actually I'm not receiving any universal credit or 85% of my childcare bill paid, because I'm not entitled to it. We have a joint income that doesn't entitle us to any benefits other than the standard £24 a week child benefit, and yes our household income is STILL less than the OP's wage.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/12/2023 09:57

CoolShoeshine · 19/12/2023 09:54

I’m on £25k and view my superiors who have incomes similar to yours as stingy gits if they don’t bother giving a small Christmas gift. People on low salaries have to pay childcare too and have less money for luxuries.

Why do they owe you a gift though?

MajesticWhine · 19/12/2023 09:58

One request is normal, and reasonable. The repeated follow ups are not. But if that kept happening I would reply "really sorry I cannot manage it this time" and hope that stops it.

IfOn · 19/12/2023 09:58

Missingmybabysomuch · 19/12/2023 09:51

@xmasmoney whilst I do think you are getting a hard time in some replies, I do also think you need to get some money management advice too. a £63000 salary would be £44,603 after tax and National Insurance. This equates to about £3,717 per month.
take off the £1500 nursery fees, that leaves £2217. Take off £300 student loan payment, £1917. Not forgetting your husbands salary on top of this.
So £1917 to cover your part of the mortgage, bills, food etc does seem like it should be more than adequate, and is pretty much what the secretaries will be taking home BEFORE their childcare/student loan.
You mention credit card debt, could you look at getting that on a 0% interest? Is there any other outgoings you could look at lessening/getting cheaper deals on? Worrying about money is stressful regardless of income, but your income does give you more to work with so it might be worth looking to see what changes you could make to free up some more money and take some pressure off.
Oh and a fiver is fine, I don't think it has to be any more than that.

You must be the OP's personal accountant. She should thank you for sorting out her finances for her and you seem to know that they should have more than enough left after paying all their bills. 😕

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/12/2023 09:59

@BouncingJAS you realise that it's a bit odd to tell others with different view to 'just be quiet' on a discussion thread, right?

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:01

Melodyy · 19/12/2023 09:49

If I say how much my DH and I earn together and we STILL don't have any disposable income left after bills; I'd get flamed on here. We won't have much disposable income until the end of 2026 as we are paying off a rather large loan after a house reno, extension etc. Are we REALLY struggling? No. At least we can still pay the bills and our family always have food on the table but some months are worse than others. I know we won't be skint forever but people on here don't understand your outgoings and just see a large salary and they turn green.

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I think the point there is that you are strapped for cash because you chose to spend a lot on a house renovation project, not because you don’t earn enough to make ends meet even if you don’t have any luxuries.

People with high incomes do tend to have high outgoings- mortgages, cars, private education, holidays etc etc- there isn’t anything wrong with that, of course you can spend your money any way you like- the annoyance comes when that situation is presented as comparable to someone barely scraping by because they earn £16,000 and still have to pay for accommodation, bills, school uniforms, food etc.

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:01

There is no way you should be struggling on £60k, especially when you have a DH bringing in money too.

I am on less than half of what you earn and don’t have a DP to contribute extra income or share bills with.

You obviously both have issues with overspending and the fact that you are in debt is really concerning.
This would be something I would be tackling in the new year and making it a priority to stop over spending.

Regarding your question.
If you don’t want to put in just say no.
But do not say it’s because you’re only on £60k a year as that will sound like you’re taking the piss.

If you do want to put in then do so but perhaps just mention that as most of the staff are on much less than the senior staff, you do not think it’s appropriate to ask people in public and there should be an anonymous tin or one person doing it privately.

We had to get rid of the tin because a senior member of staff who was on one of the highest salaries in the team would make out that she’s paid but actually hadn’t.
We then had a person who volunteered to collect money but did it privately and there was no pressure to put in.

Nevermind31 · 19/12/2023 10:01

I understand where you are coming from. In a professional services firm, there will be partners who are making millions, even new partners will make £500k plus. Someone on £63k is a manager, so probably the lowest rank who gets asked to contribute.
o have seen senior people on a lot more than that opt out of the present because of “school fees”.
so if you cannot contribute, just say so. Otherwise give a fiver… I think it is important to show appreciation for your team.

OnionOnionH · 19/12/2023 10:01

It’s not just about their salaries, I’ve worked in admin support roles. I’d like to think a small gift is just and acknowledgement of all the support I have given that person/ team through the year, not something to compensate me for my shit salary compared to yours.

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 10:01

MajesticWhine · 19/12/2023 09:58

One request is normal, and reasonable. The repeated follow ups are not. But if that kept happening I would reply "really sorry I cannot manage it this time" and hope that stops it.

No need at all to say sorry, or to tell people what you can and can't manage.
'Please stop these repeated messages.' is perfectly adequate (if you feel you can't just ignore them.)

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 19/12/2023 10:02

arethereanyleftatall · 19/12/2023 09:27

And once again on this thread, folks not on £63k show how absolutely clueless they are in regard to how much disposable income one is left with after tax, amd full childcare fees is taken off. Compared to getting 0/20% tax and 85% off childcare fees. The disposable income difference is really not as large as you might imagine. It still exists, yes, but I think you'd be surprised at how small it is.

Why are you making assumptions about how much people are earning? There will be plenty of people on incomes that are comparable to the OP's who simply can't fathom how she can't afford to contribute a fiver for a present.

If the OP has no money, it is not about how much take home pay she has, it is about her outgoings and the choices that she is making. Nobody is poor on £63k plus a second income. However, some people will choose to live beyond their means no matter how much they earn.

blorm · 19/12/2023 10:02

@Melodyy totally agree.

OdeToBarney · 19/12/2023 10:03

pretzelbreath · 19/12/2023 09:57

If you'd like to address my comments you can tag me. Merely pointing out the tone deafness of the op 'only 63k' earning well above the average wage isn't raging. There is more vitriol aimed at me, and other posters in your post, than mine. And no actually I'm not receiving any universal credit or 85% of my childcare bill paid, because I'm not entitled to it. We have a joint income that doesn't entitle us to any benefits other than the standard £24 a week child benefit, and yes our household income is STILL less than the OP's wage.

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So why only mention your £23k salary? As I said, it was an attempt to make OP look bad, wasn't it?

C8H10N4O2 · 19/12/2023 10:03

BouncingJAS · 19/12/2023 09:57

@MarkWithaC

Agreed.

MN is full of bitter women who seem unable to comprehend that in London salaries are not low like in the rest of the country because of a much higher cost of living.

So just be quiet. All of you. Its tiring to see this type of nonsense always rear its head like clockwork.

Nice bit of casual misogyny there.

Average incomes in the London area are approximately half the OP's supposed single income let alone the supposed joint income. Its a high salary wherever you are in the country, including London.

If the OP and partner can't manage their budget despite a high salary, two earners and the extra tax benefits from the employer to support cost of nursery then I suggest they go to evening classes in basic book keeping.

LeroyJenkinssss · 19/12/2023 10:04

@Shakeylegs id disagree with you on the gross amount not being relevant. Of course it is. Having ‘only’ £100 spare at the end of the month if you’re on £80k means that you have made (and are able to make) choices on what you want to prioritise your spending on. Having £100 spare when you’re on £20k means that you have to have a very tight control on your budget.

now I don’t think that the OP should have to bung in more than a fiver but £63k plus a partner who earns even taking into account nursery and mortgage means that there probably is a bit of budgeting that needs to be done.

QforCucumber · 19/12/2023 10:04

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 09:44

@OnlyFoolsnMothers thanks. It’s upsetting to read people saying how can I not afford it on this salary. I don’t do anything lavish or buy clothes often but sadly when 2k a month is spent on your child with nursery, petrol, food, etc, it leaves very little for your own mortgage and life. I don’t even get child benefit. I have no idea why people think 63k ca stretch further than it does.

Because some of us have the same outgoings (mortgage, FT nursery fees etc) on the same wage as your secretary!

Household income for 2 FT workers is £65k here with one plan 2 student loan, oh and no '85% of nursery fees paid' thanks PP, if only! the nursery fees are the same as yours (we do live in the NE though so housing costs cheaper)

It is tight, but I don't begrudge the £5 for the cleaner or the £20 spent on the nursery staff for looking after my most prized possession while I go out to work.

SunRainStorm · 19/12/2023 10:04

@BouncingJAS

Maybe discussion forums aren't your thing? 😂

Imagine logging onto Mumsnet and sincerely typing 'so just be quiet. All of you.'

😂

BubbleBubbleBubbleBubblePop · 19/12/2023 10:05

It doesn't matter what the OPs salary is. What matters is, she's financially struggling at the moment. Yes, 63k is a great salary, much more than I'm on. It's not 63k in her pocket though, it's 63k before tax, NI pension etc. She's also shelling out 18k a year for nursery. We also have no idea abiut debts, mortgage erc. But again, as I said, it doesn't matter how much money she's on, what matters is that she's currently struggling. So no, she shouldn't be chased for money like this.

Pigeonrific · 19/12/2023 10:05

People on above 40k who whinge have generally made poor choices in spending and bought for example the most expensive house, car and other things they possibly can then are shocked when the repayments are high. Buying cheaper things is always better no matter what salary you are on.

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:05

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 09:46

The "national average" is a completely useless figure though.

It doesn't take into account things like local housing costs in your area, what your housing needs are, commuting costs, whether or not you are making student loan repayments, whether or not you have childcare costs and if so how many children, whether you are single with no children or married with three children or indeed single with three children, whether you have a second household income and if so how much etc.

It tells us next to nothing about someone's actual financial circumstances.

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I know, that is literally what my post says- there are a lot of variables.

£63,000 is still a lot more than very very many people (who have kids and housing costs, who need to eat and commute etc) earn- it isn’t an amount that should make anyone feel sorry for themselves.

pretzelbreath · 19/12/2023 10:06

@OdeToBarney of course it was to make the OP look bad. Just like all the comments from other posters upset with the OP's lack of self awareness. Not sure why you're specifically are targeting me? On the other hand, the OP also did a fine job of making themselves look bad, without me adding in some imaginary universal credit.

Melodyy · 19/12/2023 10:06

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:01

I think the point there is that you are strapped for cash because you chose to spend a lot on a house renovation project, not because you don’t earn enough to make ends meet even if you don’t have any luxuries.

People with high incomes do tend to have high outgoings- mortgages, cars, private education, holidays etc etc- there isn’t anything wrong with that, of course you can spend your money any way you like- the annoyance comes when that situation is presented as comparable to someone barely scraping by because they earn £16,000 and still have to pay for accommodation, bills, school uniforms, food etc.

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Ok, I can see your point.