To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

[xmasmoney]

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable…

We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat.

I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email.

I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

I always find it weird when people say downsize, as if that can happen in a flash and doesn’t cost anything to do. Do you know how stressful, time consuming and expensive moving is?

Nobody here knows why OP has credit card debt, saying you have no sympathy for her etc is weird and nasty. Good for you if you can exist on a lower salary, she is literally just saying people more senior earn a lot more and her salary is comparatively lower. In a company where secretaries are paid as well as 33k perhaps OP is even being underpaid for the job she does. Loads of nasty condescending comments making totally unfounded assumptions here.

In summary… put your hand in your pocket or you’ll get a rep and will be paying far more than £10 in lost social capital!!

*YABU to say you are “only” on £63k

However YANBU to not contribute to sheets at work. I rarely contribute. I just ignore the messages or say “no thanks”.*

This 👆🏻

talk about a not-so-humble brag

The OP has qualified this. £18,000 a year goes on nursery fees alone. So nearer £45,000. No need to be rude.

I think it's totally fine to do what you want with your money and I appreciate that many people have money struggles right now. You shouldn't get yourself into trouble over Christmas presents.

However, can I make a small suggestion that you don't use the word "only". £63,000 is a HUGE sum of money to many of us.

@Vintageport Absolutely - i never once suggested they don’t, and i’m one of those people.
However, belittling someone’s problems because their salary is higher isn’t fair

I am on far less than OP but my work is basically treating us like ATM machines at the moment. It's collection after collection after collection. I would throw in but I appreciate it can be difficult.

No, I'm saying that your suggestion that she gets a lower paid job is utterly stupid.

All it will mean is she has less money to pay her bills, which will not go down just because she has less money to pay them, and she will also pay less tax.

Lose lose.

Exactly!

So comparing your lifestyle to someone on half of your salary, who have the same bills as we all do and implying you’re just as hard up as them, is absolutely ridiculous.

I actually LOL’d at some of these posts suggesting that OPs salary is equivalent to someone on less than half.

Someone paying a mortgage on £60k is going to find it a hell of a lot easier, than someone on £20k or £30k.

You and other posters need to stop being so obtuse because it’s sounding ridiculous.

Now, stick £20 in for the secretaries and give yourself a money management lesson, and find out where you're going wrong. No-one should earn that much and be in huge debt!

^ This with bells on!

OP you need to get a grip of your finances and live within your means. You need a budget and that needs to include a pot for celebrations… I save money each month for birthdays, Christmas and work collections for celebrations … so it’s not a surprise. You should also be putting aside money to donate to those less fortunate than yourself.

Why you’re struggling on 2 higher than average salaries with only 1 child in nursery (try having twins!) is beyond me. I say that as a mortgage holder in an expensive city on an average household income. Cut your cloth accordingly.

So, just to be absolutely sure that I am not misunderstanding and that you really did say what I think you said, the OP is on a salary of 63K and she currently has 58 quid in her bank account because after tax, student loan repayments, nursery fees and other unavoidable costs her take home pay doesn't actually go that far, and your solution to her problem is to get a lower paid job so she pays less tax and lower student loan repayments?

Do you think your suggestion will leave her with more or less than 58 quid in her bank account at the end of the month, out of interest?

I don't think it's 'rude' to call out tone-deaf entitlement from people whining when their overstretched posh lifestyle house of cards shows signs of instability. 'Only' £63K salary! £18K nursery! Prep school next and some poncy private school? My heart bleeds!

It is absolutely, completely bonkers to suggest that 63k is the sort of salary that pays for a posh lifestyle and prep school.

Riiight?!

"Only £63k" and you've got £58 left in your bank account!?

You need to get a grip on whatever the hell you're spending your wages on!!

I've got an admin role and I'd hate to think people were having pressure put on them to get a Xmas present for me. It's not necessary. We usually get a group email asking us to contribute to something by x date if we'd like to by bank transfer, PayPal or cash to x person and that's it. There may be be a reminder email as rhe date approaches, but thats it.

Stop being such a Scrooge, you can spare a tenner in the pot.

Only on 63k? Haha try being on nothing! I was off sick for months and didn't qualify for sick pay. Im still trying to catch up on bills. Give your head a bloody wobble.

I know about a teacher’s salary in London (average £42,000.)

As someone who earns less than £63k and also has tax, NI, student loans, pension coming off of my wage before I even get it, you definitely earn significantly more than the £1550 you claim that you earn ‘not much more than’. I’m on 45k, have all that stuff coming off my wage too and come out with close to £3000 per month, yet you earn ‘not much more than £1550’ per month yet earn £18k per year more than me….either one of us is getting paid wrong or one of us is telling porkies! 🙄

I also pay nursery fees and still have money left at the end of the month.

Surely you can find £5 ? Your secretaries make your work possible & they're likely to be earning far less than you.

It's because when you're done paying nursery fees, you'll have £1.5k disposable income per month (yes kids clubs, after school, wraparound etc) but there's a surplus there a lot of people don't have hence the ick at how you worded it. And if you're already on £63k you may have more opportunities than most to increase it over time. We do get the gist of your post but it's a bit tone deaf to use the word "only". It's a temporary problem for you. You're currently in the trenches but you might not be in a couple of years when DC is/are at school. I would whack at tenner at it, unless you have any massive outgoings between now and Thursday from the £58 you have left and be prepped for it next year. Christmas savings bonds are a great way to prep for the mare that it the Christmas period x

@HMW1906

You forget that you only pay 20% marginal tax on your £45k of income.

OP pays 40% marginal tax from £50k to £63K

And then you add NI (2%) and studen loan (9%).

Thats a 51% marginal tax rate.

But it gets worse: she gets £0 child benefit at £63k

Some of you folks seem to not understand the basics of the UK tax system, and how screwed up it is.

All of these taxes exist to subsidise the folks like you (earning below £50k), so I would really stop complaining if I were you.

Come on.

Even in London £63k doesn't deserve an 'only' in a public discussion.