Page 11 | To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

xmasmoney · 2023-12-19T08:48:51+00:00

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable… We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat. I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email. I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

Autumnalday · 19/12/2023 10:53

OdeToBarney · 19/12/2023 09:42

How have you calculated that because I took home £3.5k per month on a FT salary of £65k after tax, NI, tiny pension contributions and student loan repayments on plan 1. Plan 2 repayments are higher, aren't they? You haven't accounted for pension contributions? How is the DP going to pay half if they earn so little?!

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I used an online take home calculator (including tax and student loan payment 2). Obviously I don't know if OP is making pension contributions. If child is in full time childcare then I assume her DP is working full time and earns enough to cover childcare. OP's take home pay is really good. It just depends on how she chooses to spend that money eg choosing an expensive house, car etc.

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:54

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:39

On what planet do you think someone with a child can just choose to have a smaller mortgage and lower outgoings?

The OP couldn't realistically choose to do this even if she did as you suggested and got a lower paid job or went part-time so she paid less tax. The only consequence of that would be that the OP would both have less money for herself and be paying less tax into the pot to pay for child benefit and childcare costs for lower earners.

Honestly, some of these comments are absolutely bonkers.

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The only consequence of that would be that the OP would both have less money for herself

So you agree that her being on a higher income means she has more money for herself?

You say my post is bonkers yet you’ve literally just agreed with me and my post🤣🤣

Having a high salary is a choice.
Having a high mortgage is a choice.
Having high outgoings is a choice.

Pretending that having a salary of £60k is equal to £20k is pure BS because if that was the case people like you and OP would just go PT or get a £20k job and still have as good of a lifestyle as you do on £60k.
But there’s a reason why so many people work hard to try and get good salaries.

beanontoast · 19/12/2023 10:54

Oh, having a high salary is a choice? Where can I choose to collect mine please?

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 10:55

Tistheseason23 · 19/12/2023 10:33

I don’t think it’s shitty to point out that £63k is a well above average wage. Plus she chose to share her wage and call it ‘only 63k.’ Presumably she is not stupid if she earns that much so why say ‘only’ as if she thinks it’s not much. I don’t get that.

The OP has clearly said she means 'only' in comparison to what others in her company earn.
Presumably you're not stupid and you can get that?

TheHeadOfTheHouse · 19/12/2023 10:57

£3,800 a month is the take home salary of 63k a year. This is without pension contributions.

its not a massive salary I don’t think, especially with £1500 childcare costs a month.

i hate being pressured to give money away, primary schools are terrible for this.

Tistheseason23 · 19/12/2023 10:57

Yes she compared herself to a secretary on £33k.

Bloodybloodtest · 19/12/2023 10:58

Yes, it’s not up to you to subsidise presents to less well paid staff. It’s rude and inappropriate to try and compel you. Just say sorry things are tight for me this year. If the CEO or something wants to put their hand in their pocket it’s up to them.

£63k is not a lot if 40 percent or so goes on childcare.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:59

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:54

The only consequence of that would be that the OP would both have less money for herself

So you agree that her being on a higher income means she has more money for herself?

You say my post is bonkers yet you’ve literally just agreed with me and my post🤣🤣

Having a high salary is a choice.
Having a high mortgage is a choice.
Having high outgoings is a choice.

Pretending that having a salary of £60k is equal to £20k is pure BS because if that was the case people like you and OP would just go PT or get a £20k job and still have as good of a lifestyle as you do on £60k.
But there’s a reason why so many people work hard to try and get good salaries.

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No, I'm saying that your suggestion that she gets a lower paid job is utterly stupid.

All it will mean is she has less money to pay her bills, which will not go down just because she has less money to pay them, and she will also pay less tax.

Lose lose.

Once again, how is having a high mortgage a choice when you have a child and you need to put a roof over their head? Plenty of people live in modest two bedroom properties and have large mortgages, because, in case you haven't noticed, house prices have been sky rocketing for most of the last 30 years and interest rates have recently shot up.

Where are these much cheaper properties which are within commuting distance of the OP's job and large enough to home her child that you think she should just click her fingers and downsize to?

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:59

@MargotBamborough which I have, at no point said. I literally said that the OP doesn’t owe anyone anything but that her salary comparison of “only £63k” for her whereas she says £33k is plenty for the secretary. My point was around the double standard, not the gift.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 11:01

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:59

@MargotBamborough which I have, at no point said. I literally said that the OP doesn’t owe anyone anything but that her salary comparison of “only £63k” for her whereas she says £33k is plenty for the secretary. My point was around the double standard, not the gift.

The point she is making is that there isn't necessarily a massive gulf between her disposable income and that of the secretary, which may well be true.

Nazzywish · 19/12/2023 11:02

Why are so many posters jumping on OP 63k comment. If she is single income, living somewhere ridiculously expensive like London, no benefits then that is hard to manage on as a parent! Most of which prob gets eaten up by a mortgage and nursery fees.
YAnBU to not contribute OP,maybe send the chaser and email saying things are tight and you can't and that'll hopefully shut them up and make them think the next time of what someone else may be going through.

CoffeeCantata · 19/12/2023 11:03

I agree that, on your substantial wage, you can afford a tenner at least. But nagging requests are very irritating.

I also think that now much is done by bank transfer, it put people off because the amount they're contributing is not secret. A box for people to put in what they can afford/feel comfortable giving is much better, with a few friendly reminders to all and a deadline.

Workworkandmoreworknow · 19/12/2023 11:03

63k after tax and student loans is not much more than that and I have a mortgage, food, petrol costs

That's over £3k a month? That's double your childcare fees....so more than £1.5k a month.

I think if you're struggling, then own that. But pretending you're not earning much is disingenuous, I think.

MarkWithaC · 19/12/2023 11:04

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:59

@MargotBamborough which I have, at no point said. I literally said that the OP doesn’t owe anyone anything but that her salary comparison of “only £63k” for her whereas she says £33k is plenty for the secretary. My point was around the double standard, not the gift.

It's not a double standard, it's about comparative salaries; she says I meant only 63k as in the rest are on far more. It was a comparison to the rest of the group who have been asked.

penjil · 19/12/2023 11:05

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 08:58

I meant only 63k as in the rest are on far more. It was a comparison to the rest of the group who have been asked.

Yes, we get that, but what you don't seem to get is how alienating that sounds to most people reading it.
£63K is a huge salary. Your DP obviously earns a good wage too.

If you and your DP are having money problems on that enormous income, then no-one is going to have any sympathy for you. Even after paying out £1500 a month for childcare, you should have you plenty left.

Now, stick £20 in for the secretaries and give yourself a money management lesson, and find out where you're going wrong. No-one should earn that much and be in huge debt!

How do you think the rest of us cope on salaries of approx. 29k....?!

confusedaboutclothes · 19/12/2023 11:06

PhulNana · 19/12/2023 08:54

I feel so sorry for you. Only 63K per year! Feeding the family on scraps from the skip round the back of Aldi and Greggs, are you?

why do people always feel the need to do this? OP has probably worked really hard to get to this wage and no doubt she deserves it. That wasn’t the point of the post - their outgoings will
match their income so she’s still entitled to be struggling!!

OdeToBarney · 19/12/2023 11:07

@Autumnalday I gather OPs DP is earning minimum wage. But that's not the point. Neither is the point that their wage is "good" (which is subjective). They may have chosen a very affordable mortgage years ago before all of the interest rate rises, before food inflation got to the level it's at now, before fuel became so much more expensive, before they had a child to feed and clothe. Our nursery fees went up massively in April. That's leaving aside the additional costs such as buying extra clothes because I physically cannot keep on top of all the washing during the week and dd goes through 2 sets of clothes most days. Yes these are all purchased on vinted, but it adds up. Plus all the new shoes every five minutes - trainers, wellies, slippers. It costs a fortune! Is it not conceivable to people on this thread that the financial landscape has changed dramatically in this country in the last few years? Things that were affordable no longer are, especially with wage stagnation. We're always being told on here to save like mad via a pension, yet you've not even allowed for pension contributions in your analysis of OPs take home pay. BTW those calculators aren't hugely accurate, I could never get one to tie up with my actual take home pay!

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 11:07

Workworkandmoreworknow · 19/12/2023 11:03

63k after tax and student loans is not much more than that and I have a mortgage, food, petrol costs

That's over £3k a month? That's double your childcare fees....so more than £1.5k a month.

I think if you're struggling, then own that. But pretending you're not earning much is disingenuous, I think.

You know many people's mortgages alone are more than 1.5k a month, right? Especially at the moment.

LBFseBrom · 19/12/2023 11:07

I think somebody on £63k pa could spare a tenner at this time of year and not notice it. Plenty of people earning far less would not think twice about it and most people over-spend at this time of year.

However, if I were a secretary at your firm I would find it all rather patronising.

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 11:08

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:46

The planet on which a one bedroom flat or a room in a shared house isn't a suitable environment in which to raise a child.

If you don't have a mortgage because you're renting, you can't just choose to pay lower rent any more than the OP can just choose to have a smaller mortgage. Housing isn't really an optional expense.

If you don't have a mortgage because you're living in a house you own mortgage free, I would pipe down personally.

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So the options are a room in a shared house/one bed flat or an enormous mortgage? No housing options exist between these?

So, even taking central London as an example, where all housing is expensive in relation to most other places (and the op hasn’t mentioned she lives there)- there still isn’t any variation in cost? People have absolutely no choice in how much they spend on accommodation? They can’t maybe have their kids share a room in a smaller house? Or do without a garden? Or anything?!

I don’t earn any property, mortgaged or otherwise. I can’t afford it.

LinneM · 19/12/2023 11:08

‘I’m only on 63k’ as if it’s 23k. MN is hilarious

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 11:10

confusedaboutclothes · 19/12/2023 11:06

why do people always feel the need to do this? OP has probably worked really hard to get to this wage and no doubt she deserves it. That wasn’t the point of the post - their outgoings will
match their income so she’s still entitled to be struggling!!

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Plenty of people work really hard for far less. Lover income doesn’t equal less hard work.

Togomalone · 19/12/2023 11:11

I’m usually the person organising collections, for babies / leaving gifts etc. It’s always the ones on the highest salaries who contribute the least or not at all in many cases.

Those on lower salaries consistently manage to find £10 or maybe £5

Yes I judge people especially those I know have high disposable incomes. I judge one woman who has been on 2 long haul holidays this year. Complaining about COL bonus given to lower paid staff

She has worked in the team years, is on a high salary, and is very vocal about everything. No dependents. She is just a selfish tight cow, really annoys me she never puts her hand in her pocket.

I have a less favourable view of her and make minimum effort with her. I’m always perfectly pleasant and professional but there is a cost attached if you come across as a non-team player!

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 11:12

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 11:08

So the options are a room in a shared house/one bed flat or an enormous mortgage? No housing options exist between these?

So, even taking central London as an example, where all housing is expensive in relation to most other places (and the op hasn’t mentioned she lives there)- there still isn’t any variation in cost? People have absolutely no choice in how much they spend on accommodation? They can’t maybe have their kids share a room in a smaller house? Or do without a garden? Or anything?!

I don’t earn any property, mortgaged or otherwise. I can’t afford it.

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You appear to be assuming that the OP is living in some sort of mansion.

She may well be living in a two bedroom property which is only just big enough to house her family and STILL has a large mortgage. This is the situation most people I know are in.

Whether you can afford to own property or not is irrelevant to the OP's situation.

If you are renting property then your housing costs are not free, just as the OP's housing costs are not free, and you should be able to understand the fairly simple concept that whether you rent or own, a sizeable chunk of your income every month will go on the non-negotiable expense of putting a suitable roof over your family's head, and that most people don't have the option to just pay less for this cost. It costs whatever it costs.

If you are not renting property and your housing costs are in fact free or subsidised because someone else is covering them, then you are the one who should stop moaning, not the OP.

cezannesapple · 19/12/2023 11:12

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 09:44

@OnlyFoolsnMothers thanks. It’s upsetting to read people saying how can I not afford it on this salary. I don’t do anything lavish or buy clothes often but sadly when 2k a month is spent on your child with nursery, petrol, food, etc, it leaves very little for your own mortgage and life. I don’t even get child benefit. I have no idea why people think 63k ca stretch further than it does.

It’s not 63k though is it? You say ‘we’ so you have a partner who is working as well and contributing one would hope. Apologies if I’ve got that wrong.

Unless you are new in your job you must know this is coming round every year. You could have said something earlier about CoL and not putting pressure on people to buy gifts from one another but you’ve left it too late. I don’t think you can get away with a fiver either.