Page 10 | To think being asked for money at work like this is not ok?

xmasmoney · 2023-12-19T08:48:51+00:00

I don’t know if I’m feeling sensitive about money and actually this is totally reasonable… We have one dc in full time nursery costing 1500 a month. I work for a professional services company and we have a lot of support staff. We are seen to be paid huge money. However I am only on 63k and we are struggling so much at the moment, some people more senior are on well over this with grown up dc. A month ago a Teams message was started by someone senior saying does anyone want to pitch in for a gift for the secretaries. I found this very inappropriate on teams as it was difficult to say no in a group chat. I know the answer in practice is just don’t give anything if you can’t afford it but I’ve since been chased on a separate teams message asking if I am contributing and when I ignored that I got an email. I feel this puts so much pressure on people and think it is massively inappropriate thing to do at work? Am I being a dick?

Blah12345678999 · 19/12/2023 10:30

Hmmm tbh if the secretaries were paid fairly there wouldn’t be this issue in the first place…

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:33

BouncingJAS · 19/12/2023 10:15

The "woe is me" attitude in these threads when someone posts a non-poverty income is simply insufferable.

Enough. That £63k person is paying a lot of tax in order to subsidise the people that are complaining. On top of very high nursery fees.

Its astonishing this even needs to be explained to you folks.

🤣🤣🤣

You do realise that earning £63k a year is a choice don’t you?

You could get a job earning less or even go PT and then you wouldn’t have to pay as much tax.

You could even not choose to have such a high mortgage or such high outgoings.

Earning a high salary is a positive thing, if it wasn’t then people wouldn’t strive for it.

If you’re unhappy earning £63k and think that people on £20k have it easier or similar, then stop earning so much.

I can guarantee that you won’t though, because you know that at £60k you have much more disposable income than someone on half of that.

Tistheseason23 · 19/12/2023 10:33

I don’t think it’s shitty to point out that £63k is a well above average wage. Plus she chose to share her wage and call it ‘only 63k.’ Presumably she is not stupid if she earns that much so why say ‘only’ as if she thinks it’s not much. I don’t get that.

Savoury · 19/12/2023 10:34

@xmasmoney i agree actually and why single out the secretaries? Why not the cleaners/security/graduates who also also poorly paid?

As for those saying that you should be able to afford it, that’s 3K before tax you’re spending on nursery before transport, clothes and lunches. These are the hard years.

I buy my assistant a present directly because i choose to. I wouldn’t expect others to join in.

Worried234 · 19/12/2023 10:36

PhulNana · 19/12/2023 10:15

There must be a lot of us bitter types about. Maybe the supply of Murphy's Stout needs increasing?

Show quote history

Obviously there are a lot of you about. How proud you must be.

BouncingJAS · 19/12/2023 10:36

@kimchio

What planet are you on?

As a high earner she pays the full whack for nursery fees.

She effectively subsidises the lower earners who get anywhere from 30% to 85% reduction in nursery fees.

Its one of the main reasons why higher earners are having less children: nursery fees are crippling many families.

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:38

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:33

🤣🤣🤣

You do realise that earning £63k a year is a choice don’t you?

You could get a job earning less or even go PT and then you wouldn’t have to pay as much tax.

You could even not choose to have such a high mortgage or such high outgoings.

Earning a high salary is a positive thing, if it wasn’t then people wouldn’t strive for it.

If you’re unhappy earning £63k and think that people on £20k have it easier or similar, then stop earning so much.

I can guarantee that you won’t though, because you know that at £60k you have much more disposable income than someone on half of that.

Show quote history

Exactly. If it was the case that people who earn £23000 have very similar spending power to those on £63000, why would anyone bother themselves to do it?

Surely they would all quit and get a nice part time job, and still be able to live a very similar lifestyle.

In fact- why would employers spend so much on salaries if their staff could all be perfectly happy on £23,000? They wouldn’t need to worry about offering more money to attract talent and stop people jumping ship to higher paid roles, because no one would need a higher paying role!

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:39

£63k is a take home of about £3700 a month though? So even with £1500 in nursery fees you should still have over £2k every month? You say ‘we’, so I assume you also have a partner therefore there is a second household income? What on earth are you doing with your money that you only have £58 quid?? Also, you mention that one of the secretaries is on £33k - their entire take home pay is less than what you have left over after nursery fees.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:39

Sugarsun · 19/12/2023 10:33

🤣🤣🤣

You do realise that earning £63k a year is a choice don’t you?

You could get a job earning less or even go PT and then you wouldn’t have to pay as much tax.

You could even not choose to have such a high mortgage or such high outgoings.

Earning a high salary is a positive thing, if it wasn’t then people wouldn’t strive for it.

If you’re unhappy earning £63k and think that people on £20k have it easier or similar, then stop earning so much.

I can guarantee that you won’t though, because you know that at £60k you have much more disposable income than someone on half of that.

Show quote history

On what planet do you think someone with a child can just choose to have a smaller mortgage and lower outgoings?

The OP couldn't realistically choose to do this even if she did as you suggested and got a lower paid job or went part-time so she paid less tax. The only consequence of that would be that the OP would both have less money for herself and be paying less tax into the pot to pay for child benefit and childcare costs for lower earners.

Honestly, some of these comments are absolutely bonkers.

emmylousings · 19/12/2023 10:41

I loathe the obsession with gifting in office workplaces. People don't deserve gifts for doing the job, they are paid for it. I find the idea that anyone who leaves needs a leaving gift...why?
The motivation for people who instigate this is performative....they love shopping / buying stuff ( the ones who take on task of choosing the gift) and a bit if boredom relief. I really resent being expected to chip in for gifts for people I barely know and don't care about. And don't get me started on maternity gifts...usually some totally overpriced basket with a baby towel and some soap or whatever...only £60 from some RIP off 'niche' retailer. Could buy items for under a tenner in supermarket.
I used to go along with it resentfully now I'm a grown up who just ignores or says 'no thanks'.
Also the OPs main concern is that she doesn't want to appear tight to colleagues, but she should be prepared to own it. And yes you should be able to handle that if you a professional earning 64k.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 19/12/2023 10:41

Message the person collecting and telling them that you can't contribute this year.
If you have contributed in the past it's reasonable to be asked. It's not like new ground is being broken here.
Hang on in there. Nursery years are painful.

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:42

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:39

On what planet do you think someone with a child can just choose to have a smaller mortgage and lower outgoings?

The OP couldn't realistically choose to do this even if she did as you suggested and got a lower paid job or went part-time so she paid less tax. The only consequence of that would be that the OP would both have less money for herself and be paying less tax into the pot to pay for child benefit and childcare costs for lower earners.

Honestly, some of these comments are absolutely bonkers.

Show quote history

On what planet do you think having a child means you have to have a high mortgage and high outgoings?

I have a child and I don’t have a mortgage at all!

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:43

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:39

£63k is a take home of about £3700 a month though? So even with £1500 in nursery fees you should still have over £2k every month? You say ‘we’, so I assume you also have a partner therefore there is a second household income? What on earth are you doing with your money that you only have £58 quid?? Also, you mention that one of the secretaries is on £33k - their entire take home pay is less than what you have left over after nursery fees.

Actually, if the OP is making student loan repayments and the person on 33k is paying neither nursery fees nor student loan repayments, the person on 33k has a higher take home pay than what the OP has left after nursery fees.

TinkerTiger · 19/12/2023 10:44

autienotnaughty · 19/12/2023 09:40

@TinkerTiger I'm on 10k because my son and I are disabled. (Some of my income is carers allowance)

We can afford our situation because We live in a cheaper area for housing. We budget and have few luxuries.

…AND because of what your partner earns

WinterNamechange · 19/12/2023 10:46

xmasmoney · 19/12/2023 09:44

@OnlyFoolsnMothers thanks. It’s upsetting to read people saying how can I not afford it on this salary. I don’t do anything lavish or buy clothes often but sadly when 2k a month is spent on your child with nursery, petrol, food, etc, it leaves very little for your own mortgage and life. I don’t even get child benefit. I have no idea why people think 63k ca stretch further than it does.

You say in your OP that 'we' have one child in nursery but only mention your wage - is your partner not working, and if not why isn't he/she doing childcare to cut your nursery bill?

In answer to your OP I'm not sure what you would prefer - Teams is such a normal way to communicate these days, the person doing the collection is hardly going to go around and ask each individual in person, and if they did wouldn't that out you on the spot even more?

enchantedsquirrelwood · 19/12/2023 10:46

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 19/12/2023 09:57

Why do they owe you a gift though?

Show quote history

Yes and why is it a higher earner's job to subsidise a lower earner? The lower earner should be taking up their low salary with their employer if they think they should be earning more.

It's also worth noting that many PAs and EAs in professional services organisations earn very well indeed, especially EAs (although they do a different job to a PA).

People on above 40k who whinge have generally made poor choices in spending and bought for example the most expensive house, car and other things they possibly can then are shocked when the repayments are high. Buying cheaper things is always better no matter what salary you are on

There is a lot of truth here. We've always lived down from our income which means we can cope with rainy days. If you always live up to and beyond your income, you find yourself in trouble.

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:46

Vintageport · 19/12/2023 10:42

On what planet do you think having a child means you have to have a high mortgage and high outgoings?

I have a child and I don’t have a mortgage at all!

Show quote history

The planet on which a one bedroom flat or a room in a shared house isn't a suitable environment in which to raise a child.

If you don't have a mortgage because you're renting, you can't just choose to pay lower rent any more than the OP can just choose to have a smaller mortgage. Housing isn't really an optional expense.

If you don't have a mortgage because you're living in a house you own mortgage free, I would pipe down personally.

Nw22 · 19/12/2023 10:48

It is not a take home if 3700. I earn about the same and after Student loans and pension it’s only about 3000

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:49

Pigeonrific · 19/12/2023 10:05

People on above 40k who whinge have generally made poor choices in spending and bought for example the most expensive house, car and other things they possibly can then are shocked when the repayments are high. Buying cheaper things is always better no matter what salary you are on.

This has to be a joke.

When I was on 40k I could not afford to buy a house at all in the part of the country I was living in, let alone an expensive one. And I did not have a car at all.

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:49

@MargotBamborough but they could just as easily have both those expenditures.

my point is not that OP owes anyone a gift, but that to gripe about “only £63k” whilst also saying that someone on £33k is earning plenty is both disingenuous and silly.

RosesAndHellebores · 19/12/2023 10:49

You are being a big dick
If you'd said no straight away, you wouldn't have been chased.
It's Christmas. They do stuff for you. Find a fiver.

Gall10 · 19/12/2023 10:50

I worked in a large organisation with a few VERY well paid ‘top brass’.
those at the top bought a few presents (think hand lotion, biscuits, body shop stuff)
They then drew out a few people’s names out of a hat & they got the presents!
Whats wrong with a few boxes of biscuits for everyone to share?
I suppose all those private school fees, ski holidays, golfing weekends in Portugal need to be saved for!

MargotBamborough · 19/12/2023 10:50

PosyPrettyToes · 19/12/2023 10:49

@MargotBamborough but they could just as easily have both those expenditures.

my point is not that OP owes anyone a gift, but that to gripe about “only £63k” whilst also saying that someone on £33k is earning plenty is both disingenuous and silly.

They might, they might not. Who knows?

The point is, it is stupid to make these simplistic comparisons based on nothing more than salary and arrive at the conclusion that a person on 63k should be able to afford to buy a Christmas present for a person on 33k.

1975wasthebest · 19/12/2023 10:51

RosesAndHellebores · 19/12/2023 10:49

You are being a big dick
If you'd said no straight away, you wouldn't have been chased.
It's Christmas. They do stuff for you. Find a fiver.

They do stuff for you

As part of their job they they’re paid to do, you mean?

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 19/12/2023 10:53

Me and DH don't earn 63k between us.
We support DS living set for college and DD is in comp.
Is still give at least a fiver to this