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Original poster

But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

452 replies

Suze889 · 18/12/2023 17:57

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

OP posts:
pebbles8811 · 19/12/2023 22:38

He sounds like a complete c u next Tuesday what partner wouldn’t collect their oh from a night out when they’re pissed like that, next time he phones you fucking leave him there regardless of what nick he’s in and switch your phone off, see how he likes it what a prick. Also op your not In the wrong we’ve all been there it happens xx

InBuffywetrust · 19/12/2023 22:43

Please try not to feel shame. These things happen, you did nothing wrong and it's a shame your husband didn't have your back more. You should tell him how it's made you feel. Your work colleagues sound lovely though so maybe a bunch of flowers for boozing up their couch.

Teledeluxe · 19/12/2023 22:55

“Colleague’s husband insisted on driving me home.” In other words he was keen to get the drunk safely out of their house. He had little in the way of options.

PocketBattleship · 19/12/2023 23:33

The OP's DH isn't here to tell us how the situation was articulated to him; OP has no idea, that's for sure. All we know is this:

He turned his phone off as my colleagues kept calling and leaving voicemails.

I'll give you short odds on it not being clear to him what kind of state she was actually in and a bunch of drunk calls and voicemails understandably eventually got on his last nerve.

TeaGinandFags · 19/12/2023 23:38

Spiked drinks can last 12 to 72 hours in your system. If you were hammered by 9 then you must consider that a possibility as red wine isn't that strong. Unless you were really going for it. If not and your memory has a gap talk to the police.

As for hubby turning his phone off - he's not a keeper.

Take care of yourself.

nagnagnag · 19/12/2023 23:56

You deserve better than this. He should want to make sure you’re okay. Don’t feel bad about getting drunk - these things happen occasionally and you deserve someone to be there for you.

Notastayathomemum · 20/12/2023 00:59

I was having the same thoughts- spiked drink?

Dibbydoos · 20/12/2023 01:08

He is a sick, don't protect him.

You need to consider if you want to be with a dick or not...

BTW I am pissed off for you. He should have got you. We are all entitled to let our hair down once in a while...

Nicaced10 · 20/12/2023 07:36

Sorry to go against the majority here. But no if my husband a grown man got himself so drunk he could not speak, I would not be doing over 1.5 hour round trip in pitch black at night.

He is your husband not your minder and it would have been great if he did come. But it wasn’t ten minutes down the road and you couldn’t even speak.

Honestly you are an adult you caused the situation and honestly I feel you have embarrassed yourself and yourself only in this instance. I really do not blame the guy at all.

Nicaced10 · 20/12/2023 07:40

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:11

I have had a feeling that my husband only likes/ supports when I’m behaving or it’s convenient and I think the above confirmed it.

This is a bit of an odd takeaway from the situation, IMO.

If I got a phone call saying DH was vomiting and incoherent on someone's sofa I wouldn't be very impressed, nor would I go out and collect him. I wouldn't feel safe driving home with someone that drunk in my passenger seat, nor would I want to risk them vomiting all over the place.

Your drunken behaviour is not your husband's responsibility.

Absolutely this ! I would love if a woman wrote this thread with the roles reversed.

Everyone would say he’s this and that, but because OP is a woman it’s ok.

You are an adult and that’s where it ends, be responsible for you and your actions.

TheCadoganArms · 20/12/2023 07:51

We are all entitled to let our hair down once in a while...

Well, there is letting your hair down, and there is getting so shitfaced you lose all motor function and have to be carried around like a vomiting sack of spuds.

margotrose · 20/12/2023 07:58

Dibbydoos · 20/12/2023 01:08

He is a sick, don't protect him.

You need to consider if you want to be with a dick or not...

BTW I am pissed off for you. He should have got you. We are all entitled to let our hair down once in a while...

There's a big difference between letting your hair down and getting so drunk you can't speak and are vomiting on someone's floor.

bringbacksideburns · 20/12/2023 10:09

Your husband doesn’t sound very nice at all. I’m sorry.

You haven’t got a history of this. You have no kids. He could have picked you up in the morning surely?

margotrose · 20/12/2023 10:45

bringbacksideburns · 20/12/2023 10:09

Your husband doesn’t sound very nice at all. I’m sorry.

You haven’t got a history of this. You have no kids. He could have picked you up in the morning surely?

I don't think any women here would be encouraged to go and collect their hungover partners the following morning after being told they were vomiting and incoherent on a colleague's sofa, would they?

They'd be told to go out, lock the house and go and see a friend for coffee/lunch and let him deal with the consequences himself.

Imagwine · 20/12/2023 11:16

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 19/12/2023 15:54

Well it's mn where a significant number of posters will find anyway to blame the man, dh gets shitfaced pukes and passes out on a friends sofa, leave him to deal and ltb.
Op gets shitfaced, pukes and passes out on a friends sofa, she's being neglected and ltb! 😆 it's embarrassing.

Show quote history

The difference is friend.

I think many responses would be different if husband or wife got shitfaced with friends. This didn’t happen at a friends house but at a colleagues! A kindly colleague, but not a friend as such.

Major difference. A wife would be just as unreasonable if a colleague and their spouse asked her to collect her drunk husband and she refused.

everythingthelighttouches · 20/12/2023 11:20

I think you are just trying to sooth your own conscience here by focusing on your husband.

I notice you changed your story a bit.
Originally, you said

”He hadn’t been drinking as far as I know. That’s the thing, I can’t even really ask him as he’s just like what; you were the idiot which I can’t argue with!”

Perhaps he had had a drink, perhaps he was at work early the next day, who knows?? You don’t know because you haven’t even had a proper conversation with him about it.

I’m still getting over the fact that you went out with work colleagues (you said you are professionals? So I’m guessing some sort of professional role with responsibility?) and got so completely shitfaced (red wine on an empty stomach, not spiked) that you lost motor control, couldn’t speak and were vomiting. By 9pm!!!

We’ve all got shitfaced, but this is next level. I don’t think there would be many people that would do this in a professional setting. And I don’t think it is holier than thou to say so.

The next morning you should have been out of there as early as you could manage, apologising profusely and if the colleague’s husband “Insisted” you should have “insisted “ back that you were quite capable of getting yourself home now, thank you. You are a grown woman, not a child, you have agency.

That is entirely on you, making a sober choice to put them out further the next day.

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/12/2023 11:22

Lol’ing at all these saints who have never misjudged their limits before

TheCadoganArms · 20/12/2023 11:46

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/12/2023 11:22

Lol’ing at all these saints who have never misjudged their limits before

I think most people 'find their limits' when drinking cider to excess as a teenager and then firm up those limits as 20 something. Getting pissed to the point of unconsciousness and puking your ring up is a bit more then a 'misjudgment'.

margotrose · 20/12/2023 12:04

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/12/2023 11:22

Lol’ing at all these saints who have never misjudged their limits before

There's misjudging your limits and there's getting so drunk you're incoherent and vomiting on someone's sofa at 9pm.

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 12:35

LuckySantangelo35 · 20/12/2023 11:22

Lol’ing at all these saints who have never misjudged their limits before

I’ve had many a drunk night, pulled all nighters, literally on the table dancing, fallen asleep on someone’s sofa, puked up, the lot, I’ve done it, but the one thing I’ve never done is be so drunk I couldn’t speak,

and it really annoys me when a woman posts her man got off his face, the replies are all he’s a selfish arsehole. When a woman does it, the man is still as selfish arsehole as he is supposed to step in and do what he can for the woman, and the woman isn’t at fault

i abhor double standards. The op is a grown up. She was fine sleeping in their sofa, it was her responsibility, she should deal with the consequences of her actions, just as a man should, and she should be ashamed getting them to drive her home next day and not getting a taxi.

bringbacksideburns · 20/12/2023 12:36

I would if it was out of character. Of course I’d be annoyed but I would pick him up in the morning and thank the colleague on his behalf for having to deal with him - not expect them to take him all the way home too.

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 12:38

bringbacksideburns · 20/12/2023 12:36

I would if it was out of character. Of course I’d be annoyed but I would pick him up in the morning and thank the colleague on his behalf for having to deal with him - not expect them to take him all the way home too.

Why would it be your responsibility to pick him up? He’s not a child? He can get a taxi, no one needs to be picked up

DeeLusional · 20/12/2023 12:52

What a cruel nasty judgemental sanctimonious bunch of old farts commenting on here. Yes she fucked up. If either me or DH had fucked up like that, each of us would rescue the other, no question. People who don't drink much can easily misjudge how much it takes to get paralytic. I hope you all find more compassion and understanding in your lives than you have dished out on here.

MasterBeth · 20/12/2023 14:09

Jf20 · 20/12/2023 12:38

Why would it be your responsibility to pick him up? He’s not a child? He can get a taxi, no one needs to be picked up

Show quote history

No-one's saying it's her responsibility.

We're saying it's a kindly act that you do for someone you love and are married to.

It's not a dutiful act, it's a caring act.

Tittiesthattouchmytors · 20/12/2023 16:43

Horribly shitty behaviour from husband. It’ s mean and nasty. What is he like usually?

i am like you in that I drink rarely and red wine makes me really drunk. My husband would laugh, dine out on it for months and come and collect me straight away.