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Original poster

But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

452 replies

Suze889 · 18/12/2023 17:57

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

OP posts:
ginasevern · 19/12/2023 08:45

Is it possible that the DH had also had a drink that evening? No children involved so maybe he'd quaffed a bottle of wine whilst watching TV and didn't like to admit that he too was over the limit and make them look like a right pair of lushes. He might have been afraid he was still over the limit the following morning?

U2HasTheEdge · 19/12/2023 08:49

ginasevern · 19/12/2023 08:45

Is it possible that the DH had also had a drink that evening? No children involved so maybe he'd quaffed a bottle of wine whilst watching TV and didn't like to admit that he too was over the limit and make them look like a right pair of lushes. He might have been afraid he was still over the limit the following morning?

That wouldn't explain why he turned his phone off and was completely indifferent to the OP.

It's not hard to tell the colleagues that he has had a couple of drinks and can't drive. Or at least tell the OP that was the case the day after.

He was just being an arse.

ginasevern · 19/12/2023 08:54

Yes, that was my thought about the phone being turned off. I reckon he was having a nice little drink, doing his own thing and didn't expect all hell to break loose, especially if the OP doesn't usually get into that state. But yeah, he should have been honest with the OP, I would in that situation.

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 08:58

catscalledbeanz · 19/12/2023 07:57

Oh op so sorry you feel small. Everyone makes mistakes.

Without question imo your husband should have picked you up. In the first instance or at the very least in the morning. I'd have picked my husband up and he me. Those people who say they'd leave their partners there , frankly I pity. It's firstly not okay to leave other adults to look after your partner (yes she should have looked after herself but that ship sailed), and secondly he should have been worried/ care enough to want to be there for you. I love my partner and wouldn't leave them if it was possible for me to help.

Don’t pity me lol. Don’t think any of us with firm boundaries need it.

Whatdafudge · 19/12/2023 09:03

He should have picked you up - You have no form of this. Things happen. Why would he want you to be more embarrassed than you already were left with colleagues. 46min each way really isn’t a lot of time compared to lifetime together. Jeez. I would be raging.

whatnow123 · 19/12/2023 09:37

In defence of the husband. The colleagues were also drunk, became annoyed at him and were ringing him repeatedly leaving voicemails.

If I'd had been in their shoes, once he had said "I can't pick her up" I'd have left it. I don't know his situation (had a drink, not well, car in garage etc). So once he knew she was safe and well at their house, I'd have eventually turned my phone off rather than being lectured by some drunk strangers.

mewkins · 19/12/2023 09:47

SunRainStorm · 19/12/2023 01:23

You're a professional woman, with friends and no children.

Why stay married to someone like that?

You could divorce him and have a lovely life.

I'd do this.

theconfidenceofwho · 19/12/2023 09:51

Me too @mewkins

iljafjpr · 19/12/2023 09:52

I think I'll bookmark this thread and link to it the next time we have one of these threads "My DH's workmate has just phoned saying he's passed out on his sofa because he's absolutely wasted. He wants me to pick him up - it's 45 minutes away, so that's a 90 minute round trip and it's already 9pm"

When all the "just leave him there", "I wouldn't pick the drunker fucker up", "if he's big enough to go out and get so drunk he can't stand up he's big enough to get himself home" posts start I'll link to this where the vast majority are saying the OP should have been collected.

And while I do think a woman alone in that state is very vulnerable, men can also be vulnerable to rape, assault and theft or mugging in that state.
In this case the OP was at a colleague's place, not on the streets.

MasterBeth · 19/12/2023 09:55

MacarenaMacarena · 19/12/2023 02:21

Rather risk your partner puking in someone else's car or sofa?
Or choking on her vomit in her drunken slumber?
The honourable choice was to collect wife and relieve the work colleagues of that onerous and unnecessary responsibility. And give her the lecture later.

The honorable choice is not to give your life partner a fucking lecture! Who are you people?!

Glittertwins · 19/12/2023 10:01

Are you sure your drink didn't get spiked? The one time this happened to a friend, his drink had been.

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 10:02

iljafjpr · 19/12/2023 09:52

I think I'll bookmark this thread and link to it the next time we have one of these threads "My DH's workmate has just phoned saying he's passed out on his sofa because he's absolutely wasted. He wants me to pick him up - it's 45 minutes away, so that's a 90 minute round trip and it's already 9pm"

When all the "just leave him there", "I wouldn't pick the drunker fucker up", "if he's big enough to go out and get so drunk he can't stand up he's big enough to get himself home" posts start I'll link to this where the vast majority are saying the OP should have been collected.

And while I do think a woman alone in that state is very vulnerable, men can also be vulnerable to rape, assault and theft or mugging in that state.
In this case the OP was at a colleague's place, not on the streets.

Absolutely, I hate the double standards. I hate that some women hold men to a higher standard than they hold themselves or other women.

woman gets pissed, that’s ok, it happens. Woman feels up her male colleague, bet he was loving it. Man gets pissed, what a selfish arsehole.

Balloonhearts · 19/12/2023 10:03

I wouldn't have picked you up either tbh. No chance would I make. 90 minute trip to collect a vomiting drunk unless they were my child. I don't parent other adults, not even partners.

WonderLife · 19/12/2023 10:11

Balloonhearts · 19/12/2023 10:03

I wouldn't have picked you up either tbh. No chance would I make. 90 minute trip to collect a vomiting drunk unless they were my child. I don't parent other adults, not even partners.

Whereas I'd go and get a friend if they called me and needed help.
You need people in your life that will come to your rescue if you ask them.

ComputerMice · 19/12/2023 10:52

I would be ok leaving them with a good friend. Not with a work colleague who had actually called me asking me to collect my partner.

Lulalola · 19/12/2023 10:58

I would be really interested to see what the responses would have been if it was OP who had been called because her husband was passed out drunk on a colleagues sofa and couldn't even speak. Normally when something like this happens, most of mumsnet tell the OP that he's an adult, is selfish for even getting drunk in the first place, can make his own choices and should have thought about it before getting so drunk etc etc

But when it's a woman, he's an awful person for not immediately driving 90 minutes to pick OP up. So many double standards on this site

TheCadoganArms · 19/12/2023 11:05

MasterBeth · 19/12/2023 09:55

The honorable choice is not to give your life partner a fucking lecture! Who are you people?!

Show quote history

If you have behaved like a drumken arse, inconvenienced and embarrassed yourself infront of work colleagues and dragged your partner out of the house to fetch you because you have lost most of your functions then yes, perhaps a small chat the next day is probably to be expected.

betterangels · 19/12/2023 11:11

Balloonhearts · 19/12/2023 10:03

I wouldn't have picked you up either tbh. No chance would I make. 90 minute trip to collect a vomiting drunk unless they were my child. I don't parent other adults, not even partners.

Exactly this.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/12/2023 11:19

Lulalola · 19/12/2023 10:58

I would be really interested to see what the responses would have been if it was OP who had been called because her husband was passed out drunk on a colleagues sofa and couldn't even speak. Normally when something like this happens, most of mumsnet tell the OP that he's an adult, is selfish for even getting drunk in the first place, can make his own choices and should have thought about it before getting so drunk etc etc

But when it's a woman, he's an awful person for not immediately driving 90 minutes to pick OP up. So many double standards on this site

Exactly! It'd be all 'ducks in a row' get the locks changed, go out to your mums for the day, if he hasn't got keys to get in, that's his problem! Etc etc..

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 19/12/2023 11:22

iljafjpr · 19/12/2023 09:52

I think I'll bookmark this thread and link to it the next time we have one of these threads "My DH's workmate has just phoned saying he's passed out on his sofa because he's absolutely wasted. He wants me to pick him up - it's 45 minutes away, so that's a 90 minute round trip and it's already 9pm"

When all the "just leave him there", "I wouldn't pick the drunker fucker up", "if he's big enough to go out and get so drunk he can't stand up he's big enough to get himself home" posts start I'll link to this where the vast majority are saying the OP should have been collected.

And while I do think a woman alone in that state is very vulnerable, men can also be vulnerable to rape, assault and theft or mugging in that state.
In this case the OP was at a colleague's place, not on the streets.

Ditto, And the 'it's all his fault, you should divorce him! You're so lovely!' Posters are bizarre.

GasPanic · 19/12/2023 11:27

Double standards, I agree.

Why couldn't the OP have just got the train back in the morning like she would have done last night ?

If you want to go out on a drunken binge that's fine. Expecting someone else to pick up the consequences isn't fine.

Also, if this were me bailing you out, I would have been fine driving you to the station to get back and sleeping on the sofa. Not so fine driving you 45 minutes across town to get back.

There's always another perspective to these sorts of things and you never get the true picture without listening to both sides of the argument.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/12/2023 11:41

If my partner “lectured” me I’d tell them to fuck off

QueenCamilla · 19/12/2023 11:44

I can't stand lousy drunks. That would be the end of the relationship for me.
What a wonderful life could OP's husband lead.

MasterBeth · 19/12/2023 11:46

TheCadoganArms · 19/12/2023 11:05

If you have behaved like a drumken arse, inconvenienced and embarrassed yourself infront of work colleagues and dragged your partner out of the house to fetch you because you have lost most of your functions then yes, perhaps a small chat the next day is probably to be expected.

Show quote history

Can you not see the difference between a conversation and a lecture?

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/12/2023 11:56

QueenCamilla · 19/12/2023 11:44

I can't stand lousy drunks. That would be the end of the relationship for me.
What a wonderful life could OP's husband lead.

@QueenCamilla

lol op got pissed at a Christmas party. A one off. Hardly an alcoholic. Her husbands life is just fine I’m sure especially as he’s so good at putting himself first.

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