But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

[Suze889]

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

YANBU to be upset with your husband, I would expect my partner to pick me up in that situation and I have no doubt that he would.

Colleague’s husband insisted on driving me home. Despite what many of you are saying, I don’t drink often and haven’t been this drunk ever before. It was a genuine mistake. This issue is multi faceted. Yes, my behaviour was completely wrong although I was only drunk, not abusive, or shouting. Just incoherent and couldn’t make decisions for myself safely hence why my colleagues were worried. I didn’t contemplate spiking but who knows. I suppose I just felt a bit lost as I needed someone to have my back although wrongly of me and due to my own stupidly, and my husband refused to do that in any way shape or form.
I appreciate what every one has said although some are far off the mark in terms of what I am like. I have had a feeling that my husband only likes/ supports when I’m behaving or it’s convenient and I think the above confirmed it. Happy Christmas, every one!

Not done it regularly = done it before

I wouldn't come and get you either. It's not like you were in a ditch somewhere

I’ve no issue with you getting drunk and incoherent as a one-off — everyone’s done it at some point. Only you know what your relationship with your DH is like in general, I just don’t see the issue with this specific incident. You were safe on a colleague’s sofa. Your issue seems to be that your colleague and her husband were annoyed, and you’ve decided to blame this on your husband not picking you up rather than on you being incoherently drunk on their sofa overnight in the first place. If they ‘insisted’ on driving you home next day, that’s up to you, surely, if you could have taken public transport?

I mean, in the nicest possible way, it’s you who put them out, not your DH. I mean, I don’t think it’s a big deal, necessarily. I’ve certainly had people pass out on my sofa overnight, too. I wouldn’t be hopping mad about it.

She didn't need help though. She was safe at a colleagues house.

Op, you're still blaming your husband for your behaviour.

Is that your critereon for when your spouse deserves your help? Whether or not she is physically safe? So, yes, if she was dying in a ditch somewhere, she is worthy of help, but everything else beneath that, fuck it, you're on your own.

Physically safe in a colleague's house, yes, but embarrassed, unwell and neglected by her husband. Her friends literally asked her husband to help. Of course she needed help.

No, she's blaming him for his behaviour.

@Balloonhearts obviously we are living in different worlds because for me, being incoherently drunk on a colleagues sofa = in need of help 😂 that is not a comfortable situation to be in by any stretch of the imagination.

Imagine the shame of getting so shitfaced you can't even talk around your colleagues but you're really embarrassed because you have to convince yourself you colleagues are put out by your husband rather than the comatose puke wanker on their sofa 😅

Then you come on Mumsnet and a significant percentage of people agree with you 😅

He should definitely have picked you up no matter how angry or annoyed he was.

I don't think the OP is a big drinker so it is weirder that he wouldn't come to help. Also weird that he didn't ask whether he could collect her the next morning. And then to turn his phone off?! Who does that?

If someone called me and said for example my sister or friend who didn't usually drink was passed out on the sofa and could i collect them, I'd be concerned I'd want to help.

Colleagues sound like they've got a bit of a martyr complex.

Insisting on driving someone home while getting simultaneously outraged about doing it. I know a few people like this. Ask them for a favour and it's always "it's fine, sure no problem" and "no I insist" then they bitch about it endlessly to other people behind your back.

I mean, if I wasn't happy doing that I would have just called for a cab to take the Op to the train station, after all, if the train was good enough for last night it would have been good enough for next morning.

DH would absolutely pick me up. Not really for my sake, but because there is no way he would expect relative strangers to spend their evening mopping up his wife instead of him doing it, especially when they’d already put themselves out. He might well be pretty furious with me but he wouldn’t allow that to affect other people.

How dramatic.

If the colleague's phone call to your husband went like this "Just to let you know that your wife has had too much to drink, she's safely at ours, on the sofa with a bucket, but not to worry, we will make sure she's ok & get her to give you a call in the morning' then I wouldn't think the husband is being too unreasonable.

If the colleague's phone call to your husband went like this "your wife is in a bad way, she's drunk too much, please could you come and get her" then I think the husband is being very unreasonable.

It's all about context...but in this situation OP it sounds like he was being v unreasonable. My partner wouldn't even hesitate to come & get me. Sorry

Well it's mn where a significant number of posters will find anyway to blame the man, dh gets shitfaced pukes and passes out on a friends sofa, leave him to deal and ltb.
Op gets shitfaced, pukes and passes out on a friends sofa, she's being neglected and ltb! 😆 it's embarrassing.

Have you actually spoke to your DH and asked him why he switched his phone off?

Have all the "wah what about the poor menz" "if the sexes were reversed" handmaidens managed to miss the part in the OP that says
"If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before."????

Has anyone on this thread actually said that it would make any difference if the roles were reversed?

I don't think they have.

I would expect every loving husband and every loving wife to help in these circumstances.

OP, do you think your husband should have picked you up? If the answer is yes, then I'm afraid you and your DH have different values.

I would 100% pick my DH up to make sure he was home and safe. I would expect the same from him.

We all have different values which is why people are agreeing and disagreeing with you, however you now know where you stand with DH.

But the amount of Mother Theresa-ing on this thread is incredible. Mumsnet seems to be full of perfect, tea total people who have never made a mistake in their perfect lives. I smell shite!

Lots of opinions here - how are you two going to move forwards from this. What happens now? 🙂

She did need help. She needed to get home, she couldn't get there by herself.

If I could, I'd help anyone I cared about in that situation, but especially the people I love the most.

Why did your colleague's husband have to take you home the next day? Were you still incapable of getting the train?

I'm Team Husband on this one. You weren't ill, you were drunk. Very very drunk. Drinking red wine on an empty stomach is a pitiful excuse, you are an adult, you should be aware of the effect of alcohol without food.

As for being a puking, incoherent mess on your colleague's sofa, I would have been mortified, and would be sending apology flowers at the very least.

He sounds horrible