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AIBU?

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Original poster

But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

452 replies

Suze889 · 18/12/2023 17:57

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

OP posts:
Aishah231 · 19/12/2023 18:06

You know not to bother helping your DH next time he needs it OP.

PrawnLiberationFront · 19/12/2023 18:08

TooTender · 19/12/2023 08:13

I have actually been in the colleague’s position in this scenario, where a junior colleague of mine got very drunk on a staff night out and missed her last train home. I took her home to my house and she called her then boyfriend (very drunkenly and incoherently) in the taxi home and asked him to come and get her. I spoke to him and said I was happy for her to stay and he didn’t need to come and pick her up. An hour later he arrived, having driven from a city 40 miles away. He wasn’t thrilled but he said he wouldn’t have dreamt of leaving her.

They’re married now and I’ve always strongly approved of him since that day because it was such a good sign that even when she had been a bit of an idiot (which was rare because she was a lovely person) he was still going to show up for her.

I suppose it’s not technically one of your marriage vows that you’ll always show up for your spouse even when they’ve made a tit of themselves, but I do wonder why even be married if you don’t love and cherish someone enough to do that for them.

Actually I think "for better for worse" covers innumerable"I have accidentally got myself in a state please come and rescue me" situations, including this one.

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:11

I have had a feeling that my husband only likes/ supports when I’m behaving or it’s convenient and I think the above confirmed it.

This is a bit of an odd takeaway from the situation, IMO.

If I got a phone call saying DH was vomiting and incoherent on someone's sofa I wouldn't be very impressed, nor would I go out and collect him. I wouldn't feel safe driving home with someone that drunk in my passenger seat, nor would I want to risk them vomiting all over the place.

Your drunken behaviour is not your husband's responsibility.

Believeitornot · 19/12/2023 18:18

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:11

I have had a feeling that my husband only likes/ supports when I’m behaving or it’s convenient and I think the above confirmed it.

This is a bit of an odd takeaway from the situation, IMO.

If I got a phone call saying DH was vomiting and incoherent on someone's sofa I wouldn't be very impressed, nor would I go out and collect him. I wouldn't feel safe driving home with someone that drunk in my passenger seat, nor would I want to risk them vomiting all over the place.

Your drunken behaviour is not your husband's responsibility.

I would collect my husband! I’d be mightly pissed off with him but I would still collect him because people make mistakes.

unless of course he was a raging alcoholic and we’d had the discussion about not behaving this way etc etc.

There’s a conditionality to the OP’s husbands willingness to support his wife. Now, surely, it makes sense for said husband to explain what his red lines are because the OP clearly doesn’t know. And the fact colleagues are thinking wtf - those who knew the situation much better - is quite telling.

TinyTee · 19/12/2023 18:22

Let’s just all be honest - we’ve probably all had too much to drink at some point, made a tit of ourselves and needed help to get home etc. You’re non different so don’t beat yourself up. However… in these situations you should expect friends / family / partners to step up. I would 100% expected my husband to pick me up - just as I would have if the roles were reversed. Personally, I would be fuming at him for not bothering to help when you needed it. Potentially bigger issue you have there…. I hope the hangover wasn’t too bad.

Daddydog · 19/12/2023 18:24

Sorry YABU. My partner and I have a long standing agreement. We can go out, drink and party all night if we want but it's our responsibility to be in enough control of ourselves to find our own way home or bunk with whoever we are out with. I have too much respect for my partner to expect her to ruin a quiet night in and scrape up a drunken fool!

It does have it's downsides, after her work Xmas party my partner somehow made it home only to piss all over the living room carpet and then try and pin it on the cat!

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:28

I would collect my husband! I’d be mightly pissed off with him but I would still collect him because people make mistakes.

The reason I wouldn't collect him is because I wouldn't feel safe driving home at night with an incoherent drunk person next to me. I'd be too worried that they'd pass out or vomit on themselves etc. It's not really to do with how pissed off I am, more of a safety thing.

There’s a conditionality to the OP’s husbands willingness to support his wife. Now, surely, it makes sense for said husband to explain what his red lines are because the OP clearly doesn’t know. And the fact colleagues are thinking wtf - those who knew the situation much better - is quite telling.

Maybe he didn't think he had to explain his red lines. If this thread was about a man getting absolutely shit-faced, most of the replies would be to lock the door and go to bed and leave him to get himself home.

Teledeluxe · 19/12/2023 18:45

He was clearly pissed off by your behaviour and probably didn’t want you back whilst drunk. I’d be the same. I can’t suffer drunks.

WhatNoUsername · 19/12/2023 18:51

My DH would pick me up no questions asked. As I would do for him. What an areshole leaving you and also for upsetting your work colleagues and making you their responsibility.

YeahIsaidit · 19/12/2023 18:57

DH doesn't owe anything to OPs workmates, all those "he was so rude to your colleagues" ummm, why's he the bad guy in regards to behaviour and OP getting all the sympathy when it was her that imposed on them?!

I really cannot believe that OP made an absolute arse out of herself and DH is the one getting slated.

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:59

I really cannot believe that OP made an absolute arse out of herself and DH is the one getting slated.

If this was a drunk husband who was incoherent and vomiting, everyone would be saying to go to bed and let him get on with it.

YeahIsaidit · 19/12/2023 19:03

margotrose · 19/12/2023 18:59

I really cannot believe that OP made an absolute arse out of herself and DH is the one getting slated.

If this was a drunk husband who was incoherent and vomiting, everyone would be saying to go to bed and let him get on with it.

Exactly, the double standards on this site are crazy sometimes. It'd be "does he have a drink problem? Are you safe with him" "just leave the waste of space to sort out his own mess" and other bollocks. But this is, oh poor OP everyone makes mistakes what an awful man he is. Fuck that.

Zanatdy · 19/12/2023 19:19

Your husband is out of order

Gg93 · 19/12/2023 19:40

I am really sorry this happened to you. It is very embarrassing. I am sure even having to deal with the aftermath isnt great. To be honest I feel your husbands actions aren't very caring. You are married he should have been there for you not switch his phone off. Yes he may have been pissed but thats not an excuse. Its not like he was doing anything of any importance. Id hate to see his response if you were in dire need. The fact that he switched his phone off is a major red flag. I am sorry you are going through this.

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 20:17

I think your husband was bang out of order. He should have protected you from being embarrassed in front of your colleagues!! You weren’t with your friends, you were with work people. He should have immediately got you a cab or arranged for you to get back safely. I would be fuming. Yes you were wrong to get hammered but we have all been there. I am sure he’s had moments he’s not proud of. Best wishes

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 20:18

And just to add on : how did your husband know that your drink hadn’t been spiked or that you needed medical attention? Awful behaviour.

YeahIsaidit · 19/12/2023 20:34

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 20:17

I think your husband was bang out of order. He should have protected you from being embarrassed in front of your colleagues!! You weren’t with your friends, you were with work people. He should have immediately got you a cab or arranged for you to get back safely. I would be fuming. Yes you were wrong to get hammered but we have all been there. I am sure he’s had moments he’s not proud of. Best wishes

Bit late for the saving...

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 20:57

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 20:17

I think your husband was bang out of order. He should have protected you from being embarrassed in front of your colleagues!! You weren’t with your friends, you were with work people. He should have immediately got you a cab or arranged for you to get back safely. I would be fuming. Yes you were wrong to get hammered but we have all been there. I am sure he’s had moments he’s not proud of. Best wishes

lol by the time he found out she was passed out on their sofa unable to speak. The time for saving was many glasses of wine before. He’s not a time traveller.

and he knew she wasn’t spiked or needing medical aid as he spoke to her colleagues.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 19/12/2023 21:03

YeahIsaidit · 19/12/2023 19:03

Exactly, the double standards on this site are crazy sometimes. It'd be "does he have a drink problem? Are you safe with him" "just leave the waste of space to sort out his own mess" and other bollocks. But this is, oh poor OP everyone makes mistakes what an awful man he is. Fuck that.

Show quote history

Absolutely but apparently if you acknowledge this your a 'handmaiden'.
Women are sooo supportive of each other, just don't have an individual thought or deviate from 'men are bastards, always abusive and in the wrong' as a mum of boys, with a pretty good dh and a brother who annoys the fuck out of me, but is a good egg, I find that sad.

Dynababy · 19/12/2023 21:11

I think he is bang out of order. You needed help he would not help. Very hard to understand why a loving husband would not help his wife. Have you considered that your husband might be having an affair and had used you Xmas night out as an opportunity for night with lover? I’d be seriously suspicious as to why he could not and would not help me. I’d be seriously questioning him and the relationship. Sorry op 😔

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 21:27

How do her colleagues know she didn’t need medical attention, they’re not doctors?

Jf20 · 19/12/2023 21:50

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 21:27

How do her colleagues know she didn’t need medical attention, they’re not doctors?

What are you posting 😂 neither is her husband as far as we know. How was he to know?

What do you do, take every drunk person along to a&e just in case? Generally you don’t need to be a doctor to assess if someone drunk needs medical attention.

VictoriaMum323 · 19/12/2023 21:59

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Fuzzykins · 19/12/2023 22:31

I’m shocked that he didn’t come for you. I know my husband would have picked me up and probably would just laugh at the state I’d got myself in. I don’t drink very often (once/twice a year). You didn’t do anything wrong- you had too much to drink- so what? It can happen. Your husband should have been concerned that you were safe- definitely not switching his phone off.

BlueGrey1 · 19/12/2023 22:35

it sounds like you and your partner don’t communicate and don’t have a very good relationship you still don’t seem to know why he did what he did and clearly haven’t asked him…..I would have asked him by now instead of going on mumsnet and writing this post

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