Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

452 replies

Suze889 · 18/12/2023 17:57

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

OP posts:
OracleofAragorn · 18/12/2023 17:59

have either of you got history for this type of thing ?

TooTender · 18/12/2023 18:00

YANBU. I mean obviously you were unreasonable to get that drunk (which you realise, and everyone messes up sometimes) but your husband’s behaviour was worse because he didn’t make a mistake, he made a conscious decision to be an arsehole.

I can’t imagine any circumstance where my husband wouldn’t pick me up if I had got into that state. He might not be delighted, we might have to have a conversation with a fulsome apology from me, but there is just no way he would leave me.

Your husband was a total dick about it.

LylaLee · 18/12/2023 18:01

I know it's far away but even £100 on a taxi would have been better than drunkenly spending the night. "Hi, Jen's husband, she's a little worse for wear. She's had a coffee at ours and a taxi is coming to drop her off at yours. We can cancel it if you would rather drive her."

Hatty65 · 18/12/2023 18:03

He sounds a bit rude, but honestly? I have NEVER been so hammered that I couldn't speak, particularly when I was expecting to get public transport home. Surely you just stick to a glass or two in that situation?

He wasn't expecting to do a 90 minute return trip to have to come fetch you, so I think being outraged that he wouldn't come and get you from a situation you were entirely responsible for is a bit unreasonable.

I understand why your colleagues think he is a dick. But I imagine they think it about you too. As an adult you don't carry on like this. Particularly on work nights out. You need to retain a bit of credibility.

Aria2023 · 18/12/2023 18:03

I think your dh was definitely in the wrong. First priority should have been to get you home safely because he cares about you, and second to take responsibility for you so your colleagues don't have to. You say it's not like you, so assume he doesn't have to nurse you drunk frequently!? I'd be gutted if my dh showed such disregard for my welfare.

NutellaNut · 18/12/2023 18:05

Yes, he was totally out of order. Had he been drinking at home as well? If so, obviously he couldn’t drive, but he could have ordered a taxi for you.

YourNameGoesHere · 18/12/2023 18:06

I can’t imagine any circumstance where my husband wouldn’t pick me up if I had got into that state. He might not be delighted, we might have to have a conversation with a fulsome apology from me, but there is just no way he would leave me.

Likewise. I mean he's not perfect, none of us are but there's absolutely no fucking way he'd just wash his hands of the situation and leave me at to sleep if off at someone else's house. Even asking for me to be put into a taxi and he'd meet it at the other end would have been better than just nah not my problem and to be honest him turning his phone off after knowing what state I was in would be enough for me to consider if I wanted to be with him.

Cherrysoup · 18/12/2023 18:06

Why would he not pick you up?! My Dh would be embarrassed but would do his damndest to come and get me were I in a similar situation (I’d hope!) I’ve picked him up when he and a colleague fell asleep on the last train of the night which terminated 20 minutes up the line from us.

TheCadoganArms · 18/12/2023 18:06

To be honest I would be reluctant to come and pick you up as well. 😂

AffIt · 18/12/2023 18:06

Your colleagues should be furious at you, not your DH.

Presumably you're an adult - own your actions.

EdinGirl · 18/12/2023 18:07

My husband would have his keys in his hand before they had even finished the call, as I would fo for him.

Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

The fact that he then turned his phone off, knowing that you were that drunk is WILD.

What if you had hurt yourself and they needed to contact him?

This would be a huge deal for me and is much deeper than him not being arsed to drive.

Wow. I am so sorry and your colleagues are right. He is horrible. As you said, this isn't a regular occurrence for you (in which case my husband would still collect me, but be annoyed).

I honestly don't know if I could get past my husband not helping or caring what is happening to me in such a vulnerable state.

I'm sure your colleagues are nice, but many women are assaulted when very drunk.

AtomicBlondeRose · 18/12/2023 18:08

But OP wasn’t lying on the street, she was safe and sound in someone’s house. I don’t think I’d be looking forward to manhandling a drunken adult home and dealing with them potentially puking in my car and otherwise being annoying! Better to leave them where they are.

BornIn78 · 18/12/2023 18:08

I wouldn’t be rushing out to pick up my partner who had got themselves so shitfaced they were on a colleagues sofa incapable of even speaking.

Honestly, I wouldn’t want my DH home in that state if I knew he was somewhere safe, which you were. It wasn’t like you were walking the streets alone.

If you were capable of a car journey why not get a taxi?

Theunamedcat · 18/12/2023 18:09

If its not normal behaviour I don't see why he was such a shit about it

You know how to respond next time he wants a lift

LenaLamont · 18/12/2023 18:11

I don't blame him for not wanting to do a 90 minute round trip b ecause yoju got yourself bladdered.

Do you have children? Would he have to put them in the car too?

Original poster
Suze889 · 18/12/2023 18:11

Honesty, I do not do this frequently at all. I would admit if I did and I think that’s why my colleagues can’t understand it. It was a mistake - albeit a completely idiotic one and I am ashamed I was so drunk and incapable of making my own way home: I had thrown up too so getting a taxi was infeasible. It’s just one of life’s crappy situations but I wish my husband had had my back more. We have no children so there was no one in that regard stopping him.

OP posts:
WorriedMum231 · 18/12/2023 18:11

I dunno who thinks YNBU but you definitely are. Your an adult who got yourself into a mess, I wouldn’t have picked you up either.

AgnesX · 18/12/2023 18:12

BornIn78 · 18/12/2023 18:08

I wouldn’t be rushing out to pick up my partner who had got themselves so shitfaced they were on a colleagues sofa incapable of even speaking.

Honestly, I wouldn’t want my DH home in that state if I knew he was somewhere safe, which you were. It wasn’t like you were walking the streets alone.

If you were capable of a car journey why not get a taxi?

If it's unusual behaviour (and not a weekly occurrence) that's a very mean attitude. Why wouldn't you want to help your partner?

ConflictofInterest · 18/12/2023 18:12

Depends if this has happened before a few times? Is it a regular pattern or a total one-off? Or if not you, has he got an alcoholic relative? At first I used to collect DH when this happened but over time I began turning my phone off when he went out as I couldn't deal with the stress.

Whataretheodds · 18/12/2023 18:12

Well, all you can do is sober up, order your colleague a lovely gift and write a nice card to say thank you, and then reflect on your relationship

YourNameGoesHere · 18/12/2023 18:13

WorriedMum231 · 18/12/2023 18:11

I dunno who thinks YNBU but you definitely are. Your an adult who got yourself into a mess, I wouldn’t have picked you up either.

Yes because we're all perfect and no one ever makes a mistake. 🤔

To be honest if you were that drunk before 9pm I'd wonder if your drink had been spiked.

Melodysmum12 · 18/12/2023 18:14

What’s his reason for not getting you and then turning his phone off? My husband would never ever do this and neither would I to him. We all make mistakes. I barely sleep if my husband is out until he’s home safe!

Mrsttcno1 · 18/12/2023 18:14

I don’t really see an issue here.

You weren’t stuck on the street, you were in a safe place and you are an adult who got yourself into that state.

Also, as you’ve just said the taxi was infeasible due to you being sick, so I can’t blame him for not wanting to drive 90 mins with a vomitting drunk in the front seat having to pull over every 5 minutes for you. The best thing for you in that situation is to stay in a house, near a toilet and going to sleep- and I say that as someone who has been both the person who had too much to drink and also as the partner who has been asked for the lift!

naughtynine · 18/12/2023 18:15

Tough one, if my husband was comatose at 9pm I’d probably leave him on the sofa. Tbh i’d have a hard time believing he was that wasted.

AhBiscuits · 18/12/2023 18:16

What has he said about it since?
I would be upset, a marriage is supposed to be a partnership and he just ditched you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread