But embarrassing for me, but was DH wrong too?

[Suze889]

Work night out recently. I got completely hammered on red wine; I must say now and I do mean this, this is really unlike me but it happened so have to to tell the truth. Work colleagues were also drunk but luckily female colleague’s husband was on hand to take us back to hers. I love about 45 minutes away and was supposed to be getting the train home but was not capable of this. I know the shame. This is where it gets weird. Colleague and her husband called my husband from my phone. I was incapable of speaking to him and was lying on sofa. My husband was completely unperturbed by the whole thing, refused to come and pick me up, (it was only nine o’clock) and pretty much left me at my colleagues so I had to stay the night and THEY had to drive me home the next day. So embarrassing. My colleagues were also a bit drunk And outraged at my husband’s behaviour and when he refused to come and pick me up. They called back to discover he had turned his phone off! Now I was completely oblivious to all this happening but now I just feel so little and small. If the shoe had been on the other foot, I would have collected him, I have done similar before. My colleagues all think he’s a dick but are being polite and I am mortified on all fronts.

Maybe you just have to accept he doesn't really care about you enough and work out if that's the type of husband you want to spend the rest of your life with ? He sounds awful to me & I would be devastated if my husband didn't have my back when i was vulnerable - is this usually how he behaves towards you ?

Also amazes at those who say his behaviour was fine. You're supposed to be a team, which includes times when one or other of you screw up. You were in a state, your colleagues didn't want to have to look after you, they asked your DH to help. It's shocking that he refused - so rude to them, and such a betrayal of you. He seems to think married partners don't have any more responsibility towards each other than colleagues do. My only caveat is if he's had a bad experience with an alcoholic (parent/sibling/previous partner). He might see picking you up as enabling, or have a fear of v drunk people. But I imagine you'd have mentioned that!

I would pick up my other half and they would do the same. I think it's very uncaring of him.

LTB

Your husband doesn’t have your back or care about your wellbeing. And that’s worrying for your marriage.

I understand he might have been angry. Your behaviour was out of order and you admit that. But if it was a one off, he was vvvv unreasonable to leave you at your colleague’s and switch off his phone. That’s not how caring spouses behave.

aone off and quite early id pick someone up

But what if dh had had a drink and couldn't? If dh is out on a weekend night, there's no way I could pick him up, cos I'd have a couple of drinks at home.
If he specifically asked me to pick him up, then I'd probably do it, but neither of us ever assumes the other will pick them up.

I have a great relationship but yes, I am selfish (nothing wrong with that), and no, I wouldn’t want my partner around that drunk. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean unconditionally being at their beck and call when they’re in a self-inflicted stupor.

Maybe he didn't want to have to deal with you whilst you were so inebriated?

Your husband is entirely in the wrong. That behaviour is completely inexplicable. On no level would my husband ever, ever do this to me or my colleagues.

If he did, I'd think about leaving him tbh.

@Barmecide appropriate consequences for getting paralytic drunk with work colleagues is being horrendously embarrassed next time you see them, possibly even facing an informal disciplinary.

Not being abandoned miles from home when barely conscious to potentially be robbed/sexually assaulted/murdered/whatever.

FFS. I feel like some posters on here are creepy puritans salivating over a 'fallen woman' being appropriately 'punished.' I bet you think women wearing short skirts "deserved" to be raped too?

OP accidentally misjudged how much she could drunk. Yes she was stupid to have done so but it's hardly the crime of the century.

This

Oh my goodness, I see this so differently. I genuinely think married couples do have some responsibility for each other. I acknowledged my husband's support when I had to give a thank you speech after a professional recognition thing I got. I expect him to tell me if Ive eg been too harsh with the kids. And I'd be hurt if he didn't do the same for me - give me credit for the fact that his professional success is partly owing to me, and trust me to be the one to give honest criticism where it's needed. Ie, my DH and I each take some responsibility for the successes and failures of the other.

Was he perhaps after having a couple of drinks at home meaning he couldn’t drive?

Have you asked him why he didn’t want to collect you?

I'm really shocked by these reactions. Your husband sounds horrible. Can't believe he didn't pick you up. Yea it's annoying but you're not doing it every week I'd be genuinely concerned about spiking etc. God forbid you ever get really ill or anything. This would actually make me look at him differently tbh as melodramatic as that sounds!!

My husband would come and get me without fail, and as well as wanting to make sure I'm OK and being looked after he would do it so my colleagues weren't put out.
I'm sure some of the perfect people on here won't agree but when you are in a long term relationship you sign up to deal with stuff not quite going right and looking after each other. Your husband was crap and selfish imo.

Honestly, if it was close by I'd expect a lift from hubby. But it was 1.5 hours of driving, I would have expected hubby to stay at a mates too, then catch a train the next day.

This is a divisive situation. I haven’t ever done this before. He hadn’t been drinking. He turned his phone off as my colleagues kept calling and leaving voicemails.

Honestly, i can understand your husband not wanting to drive 45 minutes to pick you up, then a 45 minute drive home with you in that state. I wouldn't risk you throwing up and/or passing out and wetting/soiling yourself in my car. He knew you were somewhere safe and not alone so in no immediate danger. You made your bed so to speak, the decision to drink so much and get in that state was 100% on you, so i don't think he's done anything wrong in not wanting to deal with you. Good on him for turning his phone off after letting them know he wasn't coming for you, he didn't deserve to be badgered by your colleague who clearly didn't want to deal with you either!

I think he should have picked you up. We all fuck up sometimes, and it doesn't sound as if you did anything so bad, just got too drunk. Not many people have never done that-you don't seem like you were nasty or abusive or snogged anybody or broke anything.

I'd drive anywhere to pick my partner up in that circumstance unless for some reason I truly couldn't.

Really couldn’t disagree more. I’m not his mum or his keeper (or vice versa) so no I don’t think we have responsibility for each other. Responsible for being respectful and kind to each other and sharing life admin etc equally yes - but while he’s a lovely enhancement to my life he has absolutely fuck all to do with my professional successes (or me his) and I find it really cringe when people needlessly mention partners in things like this. Nor would he be my responsibility if he got himself blind drunk!

I can’t believe that your DH wouldn’t want to come and get you to take you home and look after you, he was told how much of a state you were in and he was happy to have an, unknown to him, male stranger look after you in that vulnerable state rather than bothering himself. For goodness sake people have choked and died after being left to “ sleep it off” even if your colleague’s husband is a decent person he had his own wife to prioritise. As for your DH turning off his phone what if you’d really been taken ill or the couple had asked you to leave. Yes you shouldn’t have got in such a state and I would expect words to be had but your DH does not have your back when it counts.

YANBU OP. Not at all. What kind of man is this truly

I had thrown up too so getting a taxi was infeasible.

Then why do you think your DH driving you was feasible? Did you want to vomit all over your car?

Some of these posts are ridiculous hyperbole. OP was safe with known people, not abandoned in the middle of nowhere with an unknown male. Surely the most sensible thing to do would be to leave her on the sofa with a bucket and a glass of water rather than attempting to haul her into a car that she might puke in? Yes, annoying for the colleagues but if they didn’t want a paralytic drunk on their sofa then surely they can understand why her husband didn’t either!