Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 and 8 is too bigger gap for a sibling?

133 replies

starsandheart · 18/12/2023 17:24

Dh and I both have dds from a previous relationship, mine is 7 and lives with us f/t his dd is 8 and we have her 50/50.
Does anyone have any experience with bigger age gaps? And how it affects the family dynamics?

OP posts:
maddiemookins16mum · 18/12/2023 21:42

The reality is they won’t really have a ‘shared childhood’ as such, not many 12 year olds will play for ages with a 4 year old for instance. But there is no reason at all for them not to have a fabulous relationship at different stages of their lives.
My brother is 10 years older than me, I certainly never played with him when I was little but do recall him being a strapping teen teaching me to ride a bike and giving piggy backs and getting annoyed at me scratching his Showaddywaddy records.
As adults, we are very, very close.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/12/2023 21:43

There are 6.5 years between my two DDs and they adore each other. There will be 10yrs and 3.5yrs between each DD and my DS when he arrives in April. They are both super excited for him to arrive and I know they’ll both be the best big sisters. We had DD1 when we were 19 (nearly 20) and 22. We were ready for DC2 (house, jobs and wedding done) by 24 and 26 but it took a year to conceive. DS is an unexpected extra but will be so loved.

Shallana · 18/12/2023 22:14

I have an 8 year gap with my older sister and we are really close. We grew apart for a while when she hit her teens/early twenties, but grew much closer again once I was late teens, and have remained so. I'm also really close to her daughter and did a lot of babysitting.

Benibidibici · 18/12/2023 22:18

An 8 year old might think a baby is cute or a toddler entertaining for a bit, but a 10 year old generally isn't going to want to do much a 3 year old enjoys, and a 13 or 14 year old won't have a lot of time for a 6 year old either.

Benibidibici · 18/12/2023 22:21

Remember, its not quite the same as with full siblings either.

There can be resentment towards half siblings as it can be perceived as mum or dad starting a new "complete" family with new partner and leaving "broken" family aside.

ImTiredBoss · 18/12/2023 22:26

22 years between me and my eldest brother. 8 years is nothing Grin

tennesseewhiskey1 · 18/12/2023 22:28

I have 7 years between me and my siblings - eldest and youngest siblings 14 years - we are all very close.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 18/12/2023 22:32

Benibidibici · 18/12/2023 22:18

An 8 year old might think a baby is cute or a toddler entertaining for a bit, but a 10 year old generally isn't going to want to do much a 3 year old enjoys, and a 13 or 14 year old won't have a lot of time for a 6 year old either.

I think this depends on the children.

My nearly 10yo still happily does things her 3yo sister wants to do because she enjoys them too or because she enjoys seeing her sister happy. DD2 likes doing things that DD1 likes as well with a bit of help from DH or I.

If we know they really wont be up for or able to join in with something, we organise separate things for them and have 1:1 time just like you would with any two siblings. For example, I took DD2 to see the Paw Patrol movie recently and DH took DD1 bowling. Both happy.

onwardsup4 · 18/12/2023 22:47

My 10 year old son adores is 20 month old brother and vice verca

saoirse31 · 18/12/2023 22:50

Am in my 60s, have two sisters one almost seven years younger, one over eight years younger than me. Could not imagine my life without them in it.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 18/12/2023 22:53

My almost 11yo and 2.5yo absolutely adore each other.
We have lots of family time to do things together and then 1:1 time with each to do things the other child wouldn't want to or can't do.

Papillon23 · 18/12/2023 23:12

Benibidibici · 18/12/2023 22:18

An 8 year old might think a baby is cute or a toddler entertaining for a bit, but a 10 year old generally isn't going to want to do much a 3 year old enjoys, and a 13 or 14 year old won't have a lot of time for a 6 year old either.

I never had my brother as an equal playmate,, no.

But it's a different sort of relationship. I loved seeing him happy. It was playing for his sake, but that didn't mean I didn't enjoy it. Obviously not all the time, I wasn't a saint and children can be dreadful.

I also quite liked a reason to play with younger toys. I couldn't justify playing with railways as a 10 year old but my brother loved it and I enjoyed it too.

There were a lot of compromises thougg, which I referenced in a previous post.

One other key thing my parents did was make sure that under no circumstances was he allowed to ruin my projects. I might have had to do them in a particular place but they were mine and nothing ever happened to them.

Bunnybear42 · 18/12/2023 23:14

15 year age gap between DD1 and DD2
They adore each other ! Have some interesting days with toddler tantrums and a 17 year old attitude but mostly they are amazing and I can't believe how lucky I am

MadameCamembert · 18/12/2023 23:14

Not a big gap at all. My brother was 16 when I was born and my best friend until I was around 20. He was almost an uncle figure and somebody I could always rely on 100%. I’m glad we had the age gap!

Imenti · 18/12/2023 23:14

My friend is now 37 and her sister is 8 years older than her. They are the best of friends as well as sisters 🥰

Roundtable83 · 18/12/2023 23:16

There’s 7 years between me (40) and my sister (33). I remember thinking when she was born that she’d always be too young to play with but as the years have passed we have a wonderful relationship. She’s my best friend and the age gap is and never has been an issue.

Moveoverdarlin · 18/12/2023 23:17

I actually think that’s a great age gap. The older ones are well and truly out of the baby years. I have 5 year old and we still get tantrums and tears and she’s only just started in reception and lots of them seem so young and babyish still.

asco · 18/12/2023 23:33

We have 3 boys between us, ages 6, 7 & 7 and are expecting our first together in Feb. The boys are beyond excited. We will have more together and plan on having them close in age so will effectively have two families - 3 close in age, bigish gap and then 3 more close in age.
DH son made us tear up when he said
"X and Y are properly yours Mum (talking about my two boys) and I'm properly yours Dad but our new baby will belong to EVERYONE. It's going to be sooooooooooo cool"😍

Ohnonoohoh · 18/12/2023 23:41

If I was ever going to have a big age gap like that, I'd have to have 2 close together

My mum had us 3 aged 5,6 and 7 and then my newborn sister.

She was never part of our "group", not on purpose, she was just always so much younger than us, we didnt have much interest in a baby or toddler and by the time she was a child we were teenagers who again, were not really interested in a small child.

We were all nice to her, but none of us are close to her and even to this day, she is still the "annoying" younger sister because of the way she now behaves. It's a shame too because I try really hard to like her, but she is so very annoying and attention seeking.

I blame the way she is on her technically being a single child. I think if she had had a sibling around the same age she wouldnt be the massive attention seeker she has always been

I have 2 children, aged 6 and 8 and if I was to ever have another, I would definetly have to have 2 because of the way I've seen having one play out in my siblings

toomanyleggings · 18/12/2023 23:56

Very similar scenario here. 1 each from previous relationships and we had one together when they were 6 and 7. It works ok. She’s 3 now and she does annoy them when they’re trying to play games and things and she’s grown up fast trying to keep up with them and gets frustrated when she can’t do what they can. They do love each other though

Mountainhowl · 19/12/2023 00:13

We have almost exactly a 7 year gap (10 & 3), there's 8 days between their birthdays

They get on well, the eldest was old enough to be fairly independent, and at school during the day (well, that was the plan but he was home thanks to covid). So we didn't find it too much going from 1 to 2. The youngest seems way older than my eldest did at the same age, partially down to personality I think but having his brother to talk to and play with has meant his speech is amazing and he is so so ready for school (we have to call nursery 'school')

Youngest is in the school nursery and eldest is in year 6, so they cross paths at school and are apparently always happy to see each other when they do

They enjoy much of the same things and activities, the main thing that causes issues is age restrictions on things, my youngest is a daredevil and is up for almost anything, but is too small/young for a lot of things (like our local climbing walls) or has to go in separate sessions like at the trampoline park.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 19/12/2023 00:39

There was a lady on here earlier who is trying for another baby, and her other child is 24. 24! Will be 25 or 26 when baby is born, if all goes to plan. So no I don't think 7 and 8 is too much at all.

29andLost · 19/12/2023 06:17

Too big for me personally. I would hate going back to the no sleep, ŕeflux and nappy days.
My brother was 7 years older than me, I always felt like an only child growing up.
Now into adulthood we aren't close

VickyEadieofThigh · 19/12/2023 06:32

Why would anyone consider it too big a gap?

I'm 9 years older than my brother. We adore each other (we're now 65 and 56, but have always been very close).

Our other sibling is 3 years older than me. I have almost zero contact with him (last saw him at our Dad's funeral in January. We never speak on the phone).

namechangedforthisone35 · 19/12/2023 06:41

My girls were 11 and 7 when ds was born