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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 and 8 is too bigger gap for a sibling?

133 replies

starsandheart · 18/12/2023 17:24

Dh and I both have dds from a previous relationship, mine is 7 and lives with us f/t his dd is 8 and we have her 50/50.
Does anyone have any experience with bigger age gaps? And how it affects the family dynamics?

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 18/12/2023 17:57

I have a 12 year gap between my youngest and it's perfect. They adore each other and the gap helps with bonding because they aren't just peers, the older child can help so they bond on that caring level too. It doesn't matter how much of a gap you have, there will be jealousy at first and some rivalry or fighting, but the bigger the gap the less it is.

LadyBird1973 · 18/12/2023 17:57

I've also got 15 years between me and my youngest siblings - we are also close. When they were young it wasn't like a traditional sibling relationship (I was a bit more like an extra mum but without proper responsibility) but I'm not sure that matters - there was plenty of love and we remain close. They were like bigger siblings to my own children when I had them and my now adult kids spend loads of time either them now and are like friends more than aunt/uncle and nephews.
Different can be good - it doesn't always have to be a traditional sibling set up.

Jaxhog · 18/12/2023 17:58

I'm 13 years older than my youngest brother. I LOVED babysitting and wheeling him around in his pram. Took a load off Mum. He's still my baby!

waterdusky · 18/12/2023 17:58

Me and my sister 10 years younger are far far closer than me and my sister 14 months younger.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 18/12/2023 18:00

There are nearly 20 years between my kids. Hope that helps.:)

Sauvblanctime · 18/12/2023 18:01

I have 10, 6 & 15m

they adore their baby sister & she loves them as well, it’s worked perfectly for us

elm26 · 18/12/2023 18:01

My dad remarried and had my sisters and brother when I was 15-20 and I absolutely loved it! My DH also has a 20 year age gap between him and one of his brothers and a 22 year age gap between him and his sister! We are all close!

yikesanotherbooboo · 18/12/2023 18:03

8 and 10 years here; all very close .

SweetFemaleAttitude · 18/12/2023 18:03

There's 5 of us. Ranging in age from 38 up to 53 and we are all close.

Eldest sister and younger brother get on great. Age is not a factor with us, at all.

MissSmith80 · 18/12/2023 18:08

My sibling is 8 years older than me. Amazing when I was little - she taught me to read/ride a bike, we were very close.
Slightly more tricky when I was 8-10 ish and she a young adult but living at home - I was annoying little sis trying to hang around her when it wasn't wanted.
Once past that, back to being very close again and been that way since.

Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow · 18/12/2023 18:12

My kids are 5.5 and 3 and we are planning another. DC1 would be nearly 7 by the time the baby is born, even if I conceive straight away. I think it will be lovely.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2023 18:14

8 yo DS would love a new baby. 7 yo nephew adores his 1 yo brother. Their older sons are early 20s and love them to pieces.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 18/12/2023 18:15

Also to add a caveat, that I know friends with kids close in age, and all they do is argue and fight, so it really is nothing to do with age I don't think.

LinneM · 18/12/2023 18:15

My sister and I have a 9 year age gap. Very close

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2023 18:16

CatherinedeBourgh · 18/12/2023 17:46

I was 8 when my sister was born.

Meant I basically didn't have my mother when I needed her most. Yes, older siblings love the baby, yadda yadda, but basically a baby/toddler takes 90% of the parents' attention (as it should) which means there isn't enough to go round for the older ones. And that's shit.

On that basis no one should have a second ever. And god help any multiples.

Hopingforno2in2024 · 18/12/2023 18:17

DH has a sibling 17 months younger than him and one 8 years younger. He can barely tolerate the one 17 months younger and loves the 8 years younger one. IME it is personality that matters not age gap.

Cece92 · 18/12/2023 18:19

My DD is 10 and her dad and his wife are expecting she will be just turning 11 when baby is born. I mean it is a big gap but I was 21 when I had DD so if I had another I'd still see myself as young xx

AffIt · 18/12/2023 18:26

There's more than a decade between my sister and I and, while we didn't have much of a relationship when I was younger, we became very close when I was in my early 20s and remain so (I'm mid-40s).

I don't think you can expect somebody who is almost a teenager to bond with a very young sibling, but there are a lot of years ahead of them.

Hopingforno2in2024 · 18/12/2023 18:35

Yes so important to remember that siblings have relationships as adults for far longer than as children. In your 30s onwards 8 years will cease to seem big.

Cat1313 · 18/12/2023 18:45

My eldest is 9 and my youngest has just turned 1. It makes things so much easier having an 8 year age gap. My eldest is such a sweet lad, adores his baby brother but is also able to do alot for himself, so it takes some of the pressure off. You just have to make sure to give them time as well.

Oganesson118 · 18/12/2023 18:45

I think sibling dynamics can land either way, some close in age siblings get on and some don't and the other way round. You can't plan for that. I think the bigger question is how you'd feel about the struggle to find common ground to do things accessible to all the kids with that age gap, especially when you've also got blended family dynamics to factor in. That's why we aren't having another mostly.

tempnameforadvice · 18/12/2023 18:47

I'm 7 years older than my best friend sister.

TortoisePlayingMinecraft · 18/12/2023 18:48

The sibling I see most of is 17 years older than me.

10HailMarys · 18/12/2023 18:50

My siblings were 10 and 7 when I was born. It’s fine.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 18/12/2023 18:52

Dd1 is 8.5 years and her baby sister is 8 months. Dd1 adores her baby sister and loves cuddling her, holding her and making her laugh. She’s so proud of her. Dd2 looks at dd1 with such amazement, like her sister is the best thing in her tiny world. It’s so lovely seeing them together. Obviously might change once dd1 becomes a teen and toddler dd2 is touching her stuff 😂