Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 and 8 is too bigger gap for a sibling?

133 replies

starsandheart · 18/12/2023 17:24

Dh and I both have dds from a previous relationship, mine is 7 and lives with us f/t his dd is 8 and we have her 50/50.
Does anyone have any experience with bigger age gaps? And how it affects the family dynamics?

OP posts:
Vintageport · 18/12/2023 18:53

I don’t think there is a thing as too big a gap- different families have different dynamics… I know siblings with big gaps and those with small gaps and there isn’t a pattern of how close they are.

Personally my siblings are between 9 and 20 years older than me. Some I get on with, others I don’t. That’s just based on personality not age gap.

crumblingschools · 18/12/2023 18:53

How is the blending going at the moment? Will your DSD struggle with being the only child who doesn’t live at the same house all the time?

Do you have space for an additional child?

You are going to have 2 teenagers at the same time, that will be fun and expensive! Do you want to add an additional child to that?

pinkfunk · 18/12/2023 18:54

My niece and nephew are 7 years apart. I think it works at the moment where nephew is 2 and she's 9. I think she's just happy to have a sibling because she was on her own for so long. But I can see it turning sour very soon where she's getting quite sassy as a preteen. Also let's face it 3 years olds are quite selfish and stubborn and she's soon going to be 'way too cool' to spend time with that.

I can imagine if you have a very relaxed and emotionally mature older child then the gap might work. But if they are a bit difficult themselves and likely to be jealous then it might be very difficult..

DragonflyLady · 18/12/2023 18:57

It’s definitely not too much of an age gap. I don’t understand why it might be?

Dazedandfrazzled · 18/12/2023 19:01

I have a 10 year age gap, my cousin has a 9 year one with her sister, my friend has a 9/10 year with her siblings. None of us barely speak now we are in our forties (them fifties) our siblings have always hated us and still do (jealousy I guess)

CatherinedeBourgh · 18/12/2023 19:01

SleepingStandingUp · 18/12/2023 18:16

On that basis no one should have a second ever. And god help any multiples.

Show quote history

No, the needs of two toddlers are very similar, so it's easy to cater for both. The needs of a toddler and a teen, not so much.

moleeye · 18/12/2023 19:03

7.5 years between me and my younger sister.

She's my best friend and is awesome, I love her dearly.

IndecentFeminist · 18/12/2023 19:12

We had bonus baby #3 when 1 and 2 were 7 and 5.5.

Easy as pie when he 2as a baby, as they adored him and were fairly self sufficient. Harder at around 4, when their needs were quite different, and they would be off doing things he couldn't do yet, he'd want to watch different films etc.
Now getting easier again as the oldest is 13 and moving into doing things off her own steam but 2 and 3 can do stuff together. They do find him annoying sometimes admittedly.

DH is youngest of 4 and there is 10 yrs between him and the eldest. They didn't have much of a relationship until they were more or less adults as the older one went off to uni etc, but they're very close now.

funsymumsy · 18/12/2023 19:14

I have 10 years between my 16yo son and 6yo daughter. I was worried about the age gap and especially as they are different genders. It all worked out fine and I don't think it actually matters. 16yo is so protective of his younger sister and she looks up to him so much. If anything it works out better as he babysits for us sometimes (if we pay him)!

verabarbleen · 18/12/2023 19:15

I have a few siblings one 4 year age gap who is older than me, one 4 year that is younger, one 5 year gap that is younger and the youngest is 8 years younger than me. (We are a mix of full step and half siblings although we don't see it like that) funnily enough my youngest sibling with the 8 year gap both had their first child the same year i had my first , We were very close when he was little as I loved playing mummy . Drifted a bit when I was in my 20s and they a teen, but really none of it matters . I don't think age gaps matter really. My children have exactly 2 years and they fight alllll the time . They are only 2 and 4 though 😂

Spirallingdownwards · 18/12/2023 19:16

10 yesr age gap here. Works fine. Never been a rivalry as different ages and both adore each other.

helpme5 · 18/12/2023 19:20

Just under 8 years between DC1 and DC4, it's a great relationship. If you want another I wouldn't let the gap put you off.

Isis1981uk · 18/12/2023 19:20

My brother & I were 22 months apart, then my sister was born when I was almost 10 and my brother 8. It's lovely, as you're too old to get jealous, and old enough to really enjoy the baby & remember it all.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 18/12/2023 19:21

DD was 7 when DS was born 18 years ago. They are very close, always have been.

leighh88 · 18/12/2023 19:23

Ive got 3 kids, 3yo, 11yo and almost 18yo. I wanted this type of age gap and its worked out perfectly, they both adore their little sister, my oldest actually got her name tattood on her last week, to my suprise 😅

AlmostAJillSandwich · 18/12/2023 19:23

My partners child will be 8 in april, hes just gotten a new baby sister from his mum, as well as an amost 2 year old sister. He dotes on both, to the point he doesn't want to come to his dads and leave them.

Laurama91 · 18/12/2023 19:24

My brother has a 13 year old and a 2 year old. They dote on each other.

VisionsOfSplendour · 18/12/2023 19:27

Loads of people have age gaps like that both in families where the children have the same parents and in step families, at least in my experience it's quite normal.

itsalwaysthesame · 18/12/2023 19:27

10 years between me and my brother, we are very close, always have been.

My cousin and her brother don't really talk at all despite only 20 months between them!

banananananamama · 18/12/2023 19:29

I have a 10 year age gap with my brother and we're so close ! I said to my friend yesterday I wanted another when my youngest now is about 7, think it's a nice gap! X

Papillon23 · 18/12/2023 19:30

There were 8 years between me and my brother and it worked fine. We couldn't have been described as "close" in that our interests were very different and in comparison to him I seemed adult no matter my age.

But I used to play with him and we would do games and Lego and even play on consoles together.

We weren't close while I was at uni and then while he was at uni but we have always been fond of each other.

Now we're both grown ups in work etc the gap seems much smaller.

I think you need to be aware of how your children are dealing with the blended family thing though, and be pretty wary of that.

I also ALWAYS had my own space. My bedroom was my room and it had a hook and eye on the door so I could shut my brother out. I wasn't allowed to be mean to him but he also wasn't allowed to bother me if I wanted to be on my own. I think that was a really really important thing in terms of our relationship working.

Similarly he would have had a fairly early bedtime for a decent while so me and my parents could watch a TV episode that wouldn't have been suitable.

I guess the big downside was I wasn't allowed many hobbies, and I did sometimes resent him for that, but it doesn't affect my relationship with him as an adult.

bettynutkins · 18/12/2023 19:30

There's 12 years between me and one of my siblings. We get on well and are fairly close. My closest sibling in age I hardly speak to, i don't think age has much to do with it

diamondpony80 · 18/12/2023 19:31

I am 7 years older than my sister. I didn't have much to do with her growing up and actually have very little memories of my childhood after she arrived. However, we are close now as adults and I love her to bits.

My son is almost 10 years older than his sister and they are very close. Hes in uni now but still makes an effort to come home and does stuff with the family when he can. She's always excited to see him and spend time with him.

I think personality more than age determines how well siblings get on. I know plenty of siblings that have only a small age gap that don't get on at all. Obviously with a big age gap it's going to be a very different type of relationship (at least until they're all adults), but can still be a good one.

1967Kitherly · 18/12/2023 19:31

13 years between my two (15 and 2) big bro absolutely adores little sister and I imagine its easier that I don’t have 2 littles. 15 year old doesn’t really like doing kiddy activities with us so thats tricky if we want a more child friendly family day, but tbh I think he finds me and DP embarrassing anyway and would rather chew his own arm of than be spotted with us 😂

12 years between me and my sister and we are very close, 10 between me and my brother and again very close. My dad is 2 years older than his sister and they have never got on! It all depends on how it pans out really!

Digestivechocolatebiscuit · 18/12/2023 19:33

Eight years between my daughters.. always been best friends.. they are now 31 and 39.