Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 and 8 is too bigger gap for a sibling?

133 replies

starsandheart · 18/12/2023 17:24

Dh and I both have dds from a previous relationship, mine is 7 and lives with us f/t his dd is 8 and we have her 50/50.
Does anyone have any experience with bigger age gaps? And how it affects the family dynamics?

OP posts:
Catza · 18/12/2023 17:27

My cousins have 10 years gap. They don't have much of a relationship. My ex has a twin. They don't have much of a relationship either. I don't think age gap matters.

Greybluewhite · 18/12/2023 17:28

My 8 year old is amazing with my two babies. The younger two adore him.

Einszwei · 18/12/2023 17:28

Age has nothing to do with it.

Original poster
starsandheart · 18/12/2023 17:31

Greybluewhite · 18/12/2023 17:28

My 8 year old is amazing with my two babies. The younger two adore him.

That's lovely and what we'd hope for.

OP posts:
Thewolvesarerunningagain · 18/12/2023 17:33

It’s not massive as an age gap. Imagine if you had a younger child as well, say 4. There would still be the same age gap between a baby and your older kids but no one would bat an eyelid. They are individuals, not a set.

My 10 yr old is desperate for a younger sib in part because 2 other boys in his class have new babies at home. Sadly it’s not going to happen 😀

Daftolive · 18/12/2023 17:33

I don’t think that 7 or 8 years is too big a gap. In your case I’d be thinking more about how another child would impact your family dynamics.

CuriousityKilledThePussy · 18/12/2023 17:33

Never mind, I take it you want a baby.
10 years between mine and very close

Marblessolveeverything · 18/12/2023 17:36

The challenge will be trying to find common ground. Pretty much all activities the older ones want to do won't be accessible by baby/toddler so there will be a lot of one parent taking older ones to cinema, bowling, ice skating etc while the other is at soft play etc.

I had just over 5 year gap and it was hard work, they get on but it will remain a challenge until younger one is old enough for common activities .

It's doable but do you really want to hit the joys of puberty X 2 and dreaded toddler years together? Teen years and younger primary will also be interesting.If you are able to face that crack on.

Vettrianofan · 18/12/2023 17:36

There's a ten year gap between no1 and no4. Seven year gap between no 3 and no1. Five years between no2 and no3.

AllIsWellish · 18/12/2023 17:36

I have 8 years between ds1 and 2 and 8 years between ds2 and 3, they all get on really well except ds3 &4 who have a just under 2 year age gap

steff13 · 18/12/2023 17:38

My boys were 9 and 11 when my daughter was born. They have a great relationship and she adores her big brothers.

pinkspeakers · 18/12/2023 17:39

I don't think it matters. My sister is 11 years younger than me and we have always had a lovely relationship. Better than with the sister who is 2 years younger.

HereIAmThereYouAre · 18/12/2023 17:40

10 year age gap here. Our DD's adore each other (95% of the time!) We are very careful to not expect our DD1 to tidy up/look after after DD2 etc. She voluntarily reads bedtime stories/plays with her. It's lovely. It's also hard going back to bring very tied when your older DC are getting more independent.

Ejismyf · 18/12/2023 17:40

There's 8 years between my eldest and youngest, they get on fine. I don't see it being an issue.

SutWytTi · 18/12/2023 17:42

No gap is too big if the kids are well cared for. Sibling rivalry or not getting on happens when close in age or not.

CatherinedeBourgh · 18/12/2023 17:46

I was 8 when my sister was born.

Meant I basically didn't have my mother when I needed her most. Yes, older siblings love the baby, yadda yadda, but basically a baby/toddler takes 90% of the parents' attention (as it should) which means there isn't enough to go round for the older ones. And that's shit.

emmylousings · 18/12/2023 17:47

There's 7 years between my to DC, they are close and get on well. With this gap the older one can help with raising the younger one, keep an eye on them, read to them, babysit for a few hours. I didn't plan for this gap, but it certainly hasn't been detrimental.

PossumintheHouse · 18/12/2023 17:48

There’s a 15-year age gap between me (the eldest) and my youngest sister. We got on great when she was a baby as I was chief babysitter, but we didn’t have much in common when she got older and we aren’t close (but arguably due to reasons other than the age gap). I would think the 7/8 years older sibling would take on a protective role, but it’s hard to know how close they would be at those different stages of life.

spongebunnyfatpants · 18/12/2023 17:50

There is 7 years between me and my brother. We have always been very close. It's never been an issue for us.

Longma · 18/12/2023 17:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

MissDollyMix · 18/12/2023 17:51

I’ve just been to the hospital for a scan. DS (age 13) thought I was pregnant- he was gutted when I told him I wasn’t! That said, I’m not sure he’d really like the reality of a new baby in the house.
My DM has a sister 13 years younger and they’ve always been very close. That said with a bigger age gap I’d always be slightly concerned that the little one wouldn’t have a playmate growing up. Maybe you should have 2 more babies OP! 😆

Simonjt · 18/12/2023 17:53

There are six and a half years between our son and daughter, so a similar gap. It works fine for us, our son very much enjoys his younger sister. It works well for us as we can organise joint days out that suit both, but we also do quite a few seperate ones if we want a more age specific day out. It means things like the cost of nursery, big school trips, uni, learning to drive etc are spread out a bit more.

LadyBird1973 · 18/12/2023 17:53

My youngest has this age gap with her older siblings and their relationship is great - there's a lot of love. The older ones were great at playing with her and they are close even now (youngest is 16 years old). I think it's about personalities and the efforts you put in as a family to create a strong bond.

qpdlurgak · 18/12/2023 17:54

The age gap isn't the issue but the blended family, it's a complicated enough dynamic as it is for the children brought into the relationship, I think it's necessary angst for them. You don't need a child to legitimise your relationship.

Christmassss · 18/12/2023 17:56

I have a 10 year age gap, it’s been amazing, my DC are grown up now and they still get on so well. As do my two cousins, two aunts and two uncles who have similar age gaps.
I know plenty of siblings who are a couple of years apart who seems to hate each other.