To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

[prawngate]

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

you should have put the left overs to one side

I have no problem keeping washed, dried and hulled strawberries fresh in an air tight container for a day or two or even on top of a pavlova and would never dream of turning up at someone’s house with a contribution that involved commandeering the host’s sink and chopping board etc!

I've had this a few times, and I find it really annoying, once it was when DS was small and I was hosting the DMs and babies group.
Talking time was limited enough due to the babies and preparing a load of strawberries was the last thing I wanted to do - then everyone thanked the person who brought them for her kind gift- grr.

Guests should never bring items that need preparing unless that has been expressly agreed- our NYE party is a bit of a free for all so it's fine that friend knocks up her bruschetta.
Even then you should bring all the ingredients you need and not expect your host to provide them.

You just sound like a weird extended family.😉

I think it's lovely! She brought something she knew how to prepare quickly and was unlikely to be on the menu already (large fresh prawns).

Making herself at home in your mums kitchen shows a willingness to muck in with the family rather than expecting the host to provide everything.

I hope she and your uncle enjoyed themselves!

The prawns sound like a lovely generous treat. You simply take the heads off before eating them. You should have tried them!

I’d be thrilled with big raw prawns for my buffet. Yeah it’s a little eccentric and probably should have checked about the additional ingredients in advance or brought their own but it’s not a big deal.

We had one family member visit and bring two tubs of fresh pouring cream. Not anything to pour it on, just the cream.

But you don’t randomly bring raw prawns to a gathering and expect the host to prep them, or allocate prep space, provide the tools and any accompaniments! That’s ridiculous.

I'd be delighted. Does she work in a fish shop ? If not they would have cost a lot. Maybe she should have brought her own lemon though.

I’d rather prawns than beef. She’s trying to be nice

'She didn't really belong' and 'She is welcome' are contradictory statements.

In France this would pass as normal behaviour, at least amongst my acquaintance.

I think it's fab!

Forgot to come back and say - I accept I was being totally unreasonable!

Thanks all :)

A bit weird to bring something that needed cooking and it would stress me out as a host but in some cultures quite normal to cook collectively. It’s nice that she wanted to contribute and share (assume the DB brought nothing himself!). Perhaps prawns are her specialist skill?

I think you are v unreasonable to comment on how much she ate at a buffet (though I would also be internally seething if my planned leftovers were being eaten I know that would be me being U).

It's a bit presumptuous to think you can use the host's kitchen to cook something else, when the host has already prepared a buffet and maybe tidied the kitchen. I'd find it annoying if someone did that to me but it could go either way, as I suppose someone else might be excited about prawns.

For the record prawns taste better. They have a distinctive flavour whereas grasshoppers/locusts are just crunchy rather than tasty. Crickets are a bit small to bother with.

I disagree that its either weird or entitled though, except in the narrowest of minds.

Is Mum's DB at fault here? Did GF get any warning of the gathering either? She may have just grabbed them from her freezer rather than turn up without anything. He may have not given her any time to prep them either. (It is quite a common buffet food and I would have loved it, and the fresher the better). However, if she did bring them, you might have expected her to eat them too. He did not bring any veggie food though?

YABU I don't see the problem. He's your uncle, they turned up unexpectedly and brought some food to the buffet

Slightly weird. But completely harmless.

If this was Australia she would be the most welcome guest in the house! Prawns are a Christmas staple.

She was trying to be generous and thoughtful.

Agree, and crab, lobster etc. all have different textures and flavours too. The insects I've tried generally just have texture though ants are weirdly fizzy/sour; either way more a garnish/snack really. But I think it's the opposite of weird to have food preferences shaped by culture.

BIL turned up to a gathering once with a big bag of prawns. Everyone was thrilled. It’s not weird to me.

I think people are being a bit unfair. With regard to the prawns, I don't think OP is unreasonable. Someone bringing me food which needs preparing and cooking, even at the start of a party (much less two hours into it) would not fill me with joy at all. If you want to make it, fine, but I should be able to enjoy the fruits of the hours of labour I've already put in to hosting at that point.

Ofc the leftovers comment is U but you know that 😆

If your mum's DB is vegetarian, his GF only had what beef he would have eaten were he carnivorous. What's your gripe? Food is to be eaten and if you want to bags it to take home, you could have asked your mum to put some aside for you. You don't sound at all hospitable, to begrudge someone even when you haven't supplied the food.