To think it was weird to show up with prawns?

[prawngate]

Last night had a gathering at DM’s - DB and I plus spouses and our children.

Anyway while we were cooking DM’s phone kept ringing- her DB is calling. After a while I said we need to answer because I was worried something was wrong. In any case he then started ringing me I picked up and he checks we’re at DMs and announces he and new GF are joining us.
He goes on to say they’re bringing prawns and wants to know if we have garlic and lemon.

DM says she did mention we were getting together to him a couple of months ago but he was non committal and didn’t bring it up again.

They show up a few hours later and the new GF has a massive bag of raw prawns - with heads and eyes. She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon.

Apparently the prawns were quite nice (I didn’t want to try them with the heads) but she sat and started cutting huge chunks of prime beef rib off and ate a TON which annoyed DB and I because we were each taking some leftovers home 🤣

Anyway AIBU to say it’s weird to show up to someone else’s Xmas do with a bag of raw prawns and then expect them to supply you with the things to cook it? (And to sit and eat other people’s leftovers)

I'm allergic to shellfish so would have given the prawns a wide berth, but as long as they didn't touch other food, I'd have been fine with her bringing them. My DS would have been over the moon he loves them.
Essentially she turned up with some food and cooked it - prawns are a pretty generous contribution, they are very expensive - then she ate some beef. I can't see much wrong with what she did, I'd have found it quite funny.

Why are people still banging on about DB not being invited...

He clearly WAS invited, OP says he was 'non-committal' about the event, if he hadn't been invited, there'd be nothing to commit to, therefore he was invited.

OP also states it was an informal gathering, not a 'party' so why would there be any need for formal acceptance of an invitation?

Furthermore when someone did finally answer the phone, why didn't the host say 'sorry, we're full up/its a bit late/you're not invited' if this were in fact the case.

He was invited.

His GF brought a contribution to the meal, presumably thinking its a good opportunity to bring a food she likes but her partner doesn't, and being willing to prep/cook it for everyone so as not to put the host out.
She likely also had no idea there was a vast excess of food in order to provide left overs and assumed the food set out was food to be eaten (a pretty normal assumption!) and so helped herself, as one does at a buffet! Did anyone bother to tell her?

OP - I think you're being snarky because his GF made herself at home, and you don't like it. She was over familiar in cooking in your mothers kitchen, asking for some simple store cupboard ingredients, and you simply don't like it.

You sound mean. She just sounds like she was bringing something nice to a buffet. She ate YOUR beef. Are you 5?

@MeMySonAnd1 "But if she had been around long enough, she will know that most English people do not cope well with seeing eyes and legs still attached to an animal on their plates."

Oh, I don't know. Maybe she's just been to a lot of English pubs. A pint of prawns is standard pub fare.

What was she supposed to do since she didn't belong there? Sit outside and wait for the gathering to be over?
What a ridiculous attitude.

They always invite me and try to get me to go out the house, but I'm unable mentally too. I wfh thankfully. Only places I do go is the Dr's, hospital and dentist any they are in a taxi there and back. I even have to time appointments for as early as possible because if they are to late it stops me from leaving the house as my head goes into overdrive

Yanbu. Why did you mother even mention the gathering to your uncle?

And what’s the plan for Christmas? Who is lumbered with uncle?

I think she sounds utterly charming and if anyone had turned up at my mums with a big bag of whole fresh prawns she would have fallen in love with them immediately and probably written me out of her will in favour of the generous prawn-giver!

You sound less charming, being so territorial over the beef that everyone was meant to share and enjoy, somehow seeing it as “yours” to squirrel away from your own enjoyment another time. That’s the only thing I find odd about all this!

I'd honestly be delighted if someone brought a big bag of delicious fresh prawns round and prepared them for me!

So it's your uncle? Or did I jnderstand that wrong?

I thought you said your mum told him about it ages ago perhaps he thought that was an invitation otherwise why tell him?

I've been a bit snippy to you too so I apologise. I'm autistic and would find it incredibly stressful if nobody let me know if they were coming or not. I'd still be hospitable if someone just turned up but I'd rather know in advance!

It's the fact that they are literally the dustbin of the sea for me!

Well op seems to think they were hers bella 🙄

So much angst, get over yourself

But sadly they were late so everyone had already eaten!

Autistic too, hence sometimes I need things pointing things out to me. I tend to get caught up in a subject more than what I actually think when I really think about it.

The GF cooked it not the host. She said there wasn't enough lemon but that could have just been a comment like 'it would have been nicer with more lemon' not really s complaint about the host not having enough lemon just a comment on the recipe

I read it as her peeling them and handing them to the host to cook

"She starts skinning them and stuff pulling bits out and giving my mum - who has already cooked a huge buffet for us complete with beef rib and gammon - instructions on what she needs and complaining there isn’t enough lemon"

I have a friend who does things like turn up with prawns. It's quite eccentric and quite wonderful. We are quite foodie types so can invariably work his contribution into dinner somehow!

Is she possibly watching her weight, low carbing, bringing along the seafood, eating the beef, maybe she wanted to be in control.

It was a bit eccentric but not weird enough to be as affronted as you are OP. And there were no leftovers if someone was still eating the food there and then so kind of weird if you to be so territorial about a piece of meat!

Oh my god, so pretty much contributed nothing and then complained about someone else eating "her leftovers" and bringing nice food for everyone. OP are you 7 years old?

It doesn't matter if they only take 10 minutes - they were already on dessert!

Not many people like to eat prawns with their dessert! 😂