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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do we return inheritance?

328 replies

Yetisquare · 16/12/2023 20:13

Long time lurker, NC for this.

DMIL kindly handed over £195k inheritance 3 years ago as we were looking to buy a house. House sale fell through so we fixed £60k for both kids in a high interest account, bought a car and due to going private for DH medical and also dipping into it when he was out of work, we've just over £100k left. Put this into a high interest account but, it's not fixed and completely accessible.

Mentioned this to MIL a few months ago so she knows it's been locked away, however, we didn't mention we only have access to £100k.

DBIL has put his house for sale but is wanting more for what it's worth. Hasn't had much interest and he goes into a higher mortgage plan in January meaning his repayments will be unaffordable.
He's living with his partner, plan is he sells his, pays off her mortgage, she sells and they buy something together with money left over so they can both retire.
DBIL also has a flat worth around £300k that he has a small rental income coming in.

Today, MIL has called and asked for the £195k back. Or, she wants us to lend it to DBIL with the understanding he pays it back after they've sold both houses and bought theirs together.

It'll mean we take kids fixed amounts and our nest egg which is all we have to get on the housing ladder.
Husband has ADHD so doesn't earn much and we don't have a large HH income so really need a large deposit to be able to afford something.

So....sorry if its been a long one but AIBU if we say no? Or, what they have is none of our business and we help out with giving them the cash as we are family??

OP posts:
HamBone · 16/12/2023 21:07

Sirian · 16/12/2023 21:04

Say no. If you give it to BIL you’ll never see it again. He’s already had his equal share, don’t give him yours as well. Tell MIL you invested it in a fixed term account and can’t access it.

Yes, @sirian, that would concern as well. What if he just doesn’t return it, or takes ages to do so?

Soontobe60 · 16/12/2023 21:07

Yetisquare · 16/12/2023 21:02

We told her we're not buying the house and offered to return the money.
She declined, said it was ours for a future purchase.
When we fixed it, we told her, she's aware a large chuck is more the kids and the rest in a high interest account but accessible. She just doesn't know how much hence the reason she's asked for it today.

Agree we should have used it for another purchase but for reasons already stated, we haven't.
But, I haven't posted to be told off for using some of it when needed.
Just, what would you do?
I don't know what BILS like with money and don't honestly know where his share he received has gone either. But us saying no will not put them on the breadline, he just isn't getting what he wanted on asking price and refuses to lower but is running out of time. He does have other options but seems like accessing husbands share is easiest maybe? We'll just end up losing on the interest

I would have used the money to buy a house!

Panaa · 16/12/2023 21:07

Why does he need to pay off her mortgage before selling?

Crikeyalmighty · 16/12/2023 21:07

The fact your bil is choosing fiddly personal arrangements that let him asset rich but cash poor - but not prepared to sell a bit cheaper really shouldn't be yours or your MILs issue- he's the cheeky one here going to her- when he has already had a lot of money from her. It's not as if he's homeless or doesn't have other assets-

Canisaysomething · 16/12/2023 21:08

This has got family feud written all over it. I hope your DH is the one doing the communicating on this. Stay well out of the conversations with his family.

QueenOfMOHO · 16/12/2023 21:08

Can you just gift this amount of money without paying tax on it? I though the limit was ridiculously low? Like around 6k a year?

MiddleagedBeachbum · 16/12/2023 21:08

No way!

the brother had the same amount. He’s just being a cheeky fucker.

BabaBarrio · 16/12/2023 21:08

BIL sounds like a hole you throw money into. He has a house to sell worth more than what MIL gave you. I’d be saying sorry, we can’t, it’s our house deposit and BIL can get a bridge loan.

Sweetglossy · 16/12/2023 21:08

HeddaGarbled · 16/12/2023 20:26

Yes, give it back and tell her to keep it for now in case she needs it for care in the future. The lot of you are vultures, taking money from her. It’s not your inheritance until she dies. Outrageous greed from all of you.

👏

ttcat37 · 16/12/2023 21:09

Say “really sorry but we invested it and if we withdraw it early it’ll be worth £100k not £195k.”

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/12/2023 21:09

I don't think a new car and medical bills is really 'blown in 3 years'... My car is around 25K new (i dunno i didn't pay for it), medical bills and expenses as a result of someone being to ill to work can rack up pretty high in three years.

In any case, it was and is your money @Yetisquare its a gift, not a loan. You can't access it, BIL can't have it, end of story.

coldcallerbaiter · 16/12/2023 21:10

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2023 20:58

What does DH think? She must have realised you didn’t buy a house so I wonder what she thinks you’ve done with the money. Since BIL got the same amount I think it’s very unreasonable she’d ask for yours back. Not sure what I’d do but DH should ask why BIL gets to keep his and “borrow” yours.

This.

You have to give to your kids equally. No way should bro get her share. Bet brother is one that suggested it too.

I would say that buying a house is a key to your future security. I would be hugely upset if I gave money to my son and it got spent elsewhere but at least you do have things to show for it, it’s not like it got gambled away.

daisychain01 · 16/12/2023 21:11

The BIL is obviously the Golden Child

Gets the same gift as his brother but now the MIL sees nothing wrong expecting the brother to give up his share.

He should take out a loan if he needs even more cash, greedy sod.

ActDottie · 16/12/2023 21:12

Well it’s not an inheritance until your MIL is dead… it was a gift

I don’t understand why you didn’t buy a house? You’ve had it three years and haven’t bought somewhere? If you’d just used it for what it was intended you would t be in this situation.

Tbh the whole thing just sounds absolutely mad!

enchantedsquirrelwood · 16/12/2023 21:13

QueenOfMOHO · 16/12/2023 21:08

Can you just gift this amount of money without paying tax on it? I though the limit was ridiculously low? Like around 6k a year?

As long as you don't die, yes you can.

If you die within 7 years there is IHT to pay.

CoatOfArms · 16/12/2023 21:14

Well it's not inheritance, is it? Because MIL isn't dead. It's a gift which she gave you, albeit a gift earmarked for a specific purchase. You need to be honest with her about your finances.

coldcallerbaiter · 16/12/2023 21:14

Also why is BIL paying off some woman’s mortgage? It is his money and he should get a greater share in the house he buys with her. She gets a lesser share if she puts less in.

User2856948 · 16/12/2023 21:14

Don't most people buy a different house if one falls through. Why are you calling it inheritance anyway.

OneTC · 16/12/2023 21:15

I'm surprised at the number of people suggesting you lie to your mum.

Sodndashitall · 16/12/2023 21:16

I don't quite understand what BIL has done with his 195k!
It seems like if you lend this to BIL you'll never see it again. But also you need to step out and let your DH deal with this. Ideally to push back and refused

WelshNerd · 16/12/2023 21:16

Reading all your posts, it still seems as if her expectation was the money would be for a house. You still haven’t purchased a house so I can see why she would ask for it back. Piss or get off the 200k pot.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2023 21:16

OneTC · 16/12/2023 21:15

I'm surprised at the number of people suggesting you lie to your mum.

Mother in law, not mum

ObliviousCoalmine · 16/12/2023 21:16

You can't just fling nearly 200 grand around between family members without there being some annoyingly tricky tax implications - particularly with children's accounts etc.

Viviennemary · 16/12/2023 21:17

ReadingSoManyThreads · 16/12/2023 20:47

It IS inheritance, read the OP's comments, it's from the death of MIL's brother.

Show quote history

No it isn't an inheritance any longer. Once the person inherits it's their money. So it is misleading to describe it as an inheritance.

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2023 21:17

You don’t just risk losing the interest OP, there’s a good chance you’ll never get it back once it’s gone to BIL.