Was my behaviour at the Christmas do out of line?

[strawberrycream1233]

For context, I work in the public sector.

We had a Christmas party last night. I went for some drinks with my department before and arrived VERY drunk. My colleagues were dancing with one of the younger guys and giving him lots of attention. I felt sorry for his friend who is shy and was standing on his own at this time, ignored. I pulled him over to dance, and (I’m cringing) got pretty handsy with him, hands all over his bum and pulling him closer. Lots of people noticed and commented! I hear how awful this sounds now, but in my mind I was just having fun and including him, although I can see how it probably looked a bit seedy.

Towards the end of the night (I was even more drunk by this point) he pulled me round the corner away from the group. I’m hazy at this point, but I’m pretty sure he tried to kiss me. I know I didn’t kiss him back, and shocked he was being so forward (he’s very very shy and quiet). Another colleague bobbed round the corner and pulled me away and I was taken home!

Woken up this morning convinced I’ve been predatory and am going to be sacked for sexual harassment, and that I’ve taken advantage of him and shouldn’t have touched him. There would have been tons of people that saw me touching him. I just keep thinking if it was reversed genders and a man had been all over ME like that, he would have been (rightly) held to account there and then, whereas no one really seemed bothered by me doing it. We’re both similar age and don’t work together closely, our paths probably won’t cross for a while to be honest, which makes it more awkward,

Was I unreasonable? How can I applied for my behaviour?!

Ooooh, the big guns are here. Caplin’s in MANagement <gasp>

MANAGEMENT!😆

She wasn’t snorting cocaine off his bare ass on the dance floor.

People really need to get out more for some perspective.

Oh, dear. OP may I ask how old you are?

She wasn’t snorting cocaine off his bare ass on the dance floor.

😂😂😂

this is the kind of attitude that lets people behave in a moronic fashion at work events and they reassure themselves with well, everyone does it now and again. No, they do not. OP you have been very silly indeed and it might actually do you good to be disciplined - hard lesson learnt.

Corr you sound like a barrel of laughs

If that’s your level at which something becomes unacceptable, I’m guessing you must find professionalism in the workplace a novel concept.

I’m no prude but I saw a woman at my work party do this a few years ago and I won’t lie, to her face everyone laughed it off and said it was fine, but behind her back everyone was appalled and talking about her. And someone in the end complained about her behaviour and disciplinary action was taken, after a full investigation with everyone interviewed on what had happened.

i also don’t like your attitude that you can’t even remember if he tried to kiss you but then follow it up with you were shocked he did. It can’t be both.

i don’t believe men and women should be treated differently in this and if you were a man people would say you’d committed sexual assault. At a min sexual harassment.

not ok all round.

Seriously peeps don't grope your colleagues

And you sound like one of this people that make everyone cringe at any work event and doesn’t realise everyone is gossiping about how embarrassing you were

Oh yeah we have one of them. It's all like HAHAHAHAHAHA I WAS SOOOOOO OUT OF IT HILARIOUS. And everyone else is like oh god she was at it again spoiling it for everyone.

Also what makes it worse, you’re still not owning it. You weren’t thinking you were just including him. Including him doesn’t include publicly groping him.

you can behave like that in private, go to clubs, get wankered, grope random blokes. But not st work events.

and quite frankly even if there Is no disciplinary, your reputation, is absolutely shattered, and management will know and take a dim view. I’m assuming you’re very junior.

Are you for real? Letting your hair down for you is getting bladdered at work events and feeling up your colleagues?

This.

I'm picturing the OP going full on wolf of wall street 😂

@Flamesatmytoes My comment was in response to a post asking the relevance of mentioning the piblic sector.
But in response to your sneery comment, and the other snarky ones you have made, do sod off

Like I’ve said above yes I would say this if it was reversed. It’s pathetic that people cry sexual assault in situations like this. If he was that offended he wouldn’t have tried to kiss her.

I for one am absolutely sick to the back teeth of people like you crying and whinging about any bit of flirting/banter/cheekiness. If your life could be that affected by a little mess around/grope then stay inside and let everyone else live like the normal people we were meant to be.

You should apologise to the guy and report yourself to HR.

But people don't tend to get consent for stuff like that. All over the country right now there are hands going on bums and very few are asking permission and in many cases it is welcome and wanted.

I will concede that if you don't know that it's wanted that you are potentially assaulting someone, but that doesn't mean that you did.

And if getting explicit consent is needed or else it's assault then I've been assaulted by every single man I've ever been with or boys in my teenage years because none of them ever got consent before touching my bum.

I've been raped and had several instances of sexual assault, and it should go without saying that touching or sex is completely different when it's wanted versus when it's unwanted.

If he reported it to the police if he said she touched him without consent but he actually liked it and enjoyed it they would look at him like he was mad for reporting it.

And yes I can use the fact he tried to kiss her later because he wouldn't have went after her to kiss her if he hadn't welcomed the earlier touching.

But if you want to see them as separate events and that the OP assaulted him then her touching him earlier didn't mean that later when she was more drunk that he should have pulled her aside and attempted to kiss her and that was also assault.

I can’t actually believe what you’re writing. Are you drunk? No you don’t get to publicly feel up your colleagues, shy or otherwise, and she can’t even remember if he tried to kiss or. Could easily have been her tried to kiss him. She’s no friggen clue.

It depends if he said no or felt violated? Doesn't sound like it so if you're both single what's the harm? Loads of couples get together in the workplace.