To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

[Buddybud]

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

How do we know the sister doesn't earn more than op? And her bf? They might have thousands more in disposable income than op. She didn't get the house because she needed refuge but by default because she never moved out at 18 and mum got remarried. She might have a degree apprenticeship.

I thought you could only succeed a tenancy if the main applicant dies.
Not just because they want to move out and don't need the property.

Are you sure your sister has succeeded a 2 bed property especially as she is only a 1 bed need?

Doesn't seem unreasonable that they would do that? It's a small house. It's much harder to keep space in that circumstance.

What would you like her to have done, instead?

Assuming you’re not a mum. I could never do that to my children.

Kept a place for me and give me the option of moving back after Uni. That way when the time came to change the tenancy, I would have probably moved out on my own initiative and it would have felt less unfair.

What would you have done?

See above.

@Buddybud are you sure she has succeeded the tenancy? If your mum is still alive it seems strange the council will allow your sister to take over the tenancy which is under occupied.

Is it more that you could not move back hone after Uni, rather than the tenancy?

I couldn’t imagine giving one of my children a secure life long tenancy, while the other receives nothing from me. In my mind that’s the same one child inheriting my home, and leaving the other child with nothing.

In situations like that the reasonable thing is for the house to be sold and the proceeds divided. That’s not possible here, so it’s irrelevant.

Your mother had two options when she moved out:

1. Help the child still living at home who didn’t own her own house yet
2. Help neither child

While having some resentments about feeling pushed out when you went to uni is reasonable (you can choose to work through those or cling to them), it’s not reasonable to want your mother to have not helped your sister when she could years later. That’s just spitefulness.

And you still haven’t answered - how old are you & your sister & how long ago was the tenancy passed over?

In the past month I have had to replace my water heater, my furnace, and my dishwasher. In the next year I'm going to have to replace my roof and my deck. I can think of some pros to renting.

For someone who spent years living in a council flat, the OP seems a bit clueless about how social housing actually works.

Yes, in many places the tenancy can be passed on at least once, but only to someone else in the family who's already living there. The OP wouldn't have been eligible for this as she'd already moved away and got married.

The sister is not paying a "reduced rent". She's paying rent which is calculated to cover the real cost of housing. Social rents usually rise every year in line with the cost of living (linked to inflation).

This rent level is not being subsidised by anyone else; the problem is the opposite: that private landlords charge obscenely high rents because they see housing as a profit-making opportunity, and the housing shortage in many parts of the country means they can get away with this kind of profiteering.

Here in Scotland there is now a rent cap, so private rents can only be increased by a small % each year (6% if the landlord applies to do this, and provides evidence to show why their costs have risen, a max of 3% otherwise).

Those who choose to buy a house, and borrow money to do so, are at the whim of the wider economic situation, and surely understand that any change in interest rates is bound to affect how much they'll have to repay to their mortgage lender?

I do understand what you are saying & your feeling it’s unfair op. When it’s comes to parents and their children at hard not to do a comparison when there’s an easy comparison to make.

put very simply your mum has given your sister a cheap rent home for life. And she’s not done that for you.

I do understand that might feel shit. And I’m trying to work out how to put this is a positive & helpful rather then sounding patronising (I’m really sorry if it sounds patronising, that’s not my intention, I’m just trying to help you feel better about the situation)…: how are you trying to be proactive about the issue? What can you do to make that feel less shit? Try to ignore and move on? Talk through the issue with your mum and/or sister?? Try to see the positives in your life (..,,you went to uni, got a better education, moved into a career wanted? Went on a path that enabled you to meet your partner?) so you feel less down about a situation that probably isn’t going to change?

I really hope you can work you what it is you need to do to help you move on and focus on the many good sides on your life.

I do get the financial imbalance you mum had given you & your sister, but if that bit something she can correct I hope you can move on and retain a happy relationship with her rather then negative thoughts.

Omg owning a home and annoyed you can’t get cheap rent in a council house.. I can’t. 🤦🏻‍♀️

But you own your own house, she rents. You’ve moved away so it would be no use to you at all. This is misdirected resentment at your mother for not letting you stay in your room during uni holidays.

Your sister may not be able to afford her own house but you clearly can. I would say you came out the best here. It’s like being jealous of someone with a clapped out cheap car on lease when you own an Audi. They’re not comparable.

@Buddybud but it isn’t though. She doesn’t own the house, her kids won’t own it, she is literally paying money every month and getting nothing except to live in a nicer area than you for a period of time…

If she buys it with whopping discount then you would have more reason to be aggrieved.

I suppose the tenancy is just the icing on top.

I have a five bed and granny flat, so it's not a problem I've had to consider. I also grew up and left home at 17 to go to uni, and have never been back since. My sibling has a lot more material benefit than me but also hasn't got the blessing of children that I do. Your mother had a home that is really too small for all those adults. She didn't tell you that you couldn't stay, she just didn't offer you the living area to use sometimes when she can use it all the time. She couldn't have passed it to you since you weren't an ongoing resident. Your sister was so she was the only option. Did you mother help with your costs of uni and accommodation there? We all get some perks in life that others don't get. Resentment will only hurt you.

But your mum has not given your sister a secure life long tenancy.. the council has... and under the terms etc this allowed. It is not the same as inheritance at all.
If your sister goes on to marry her boyfriend and have kids, and then leaves or dies, the property wont be allowed to be passed on to any of them. They would be forced to leave.

I will give only as much detail as I am comfortable with, and I certainly won’t give ages or dates. 😊

The issue isn't the house. Its your relationship with your mum and sister.

Well then tell us @Buddybud

If the scenario is that she’s about 22 and sitting with the tenancy while she completes her medical degree or doctorate saving up stacks of cash while the bf does similar before they buy the house at discount, sell it 5 yrs later and waft away into the sunset. Then you most certainly have a point that it’s unfair.

If the pair of them will never make anything like the average wage and are dependent on the tenancy, unlikely ever having the option to buy that is something else entirely and the correct sister has the house.

Overall, you both should have preempted this problem long prior to your mother’s death by encouraging her to buy with you and your sister’s support… but that ship has sailed.

Sorry you’re feeling so hard done by, I wouldn’t let it drive a wedge between you and your sister; bereavement is hard enough. Seek counselling if you need it. 💐

The issue isn't the house. Its your relationship with your mum and sister

yes, clearly the OP is upset that she felt she was forced to move out after uni & feels like she is treated less favourably vs her sister. Have you spoken to your mum about why?

Since your sister lived with your mum, I'd wonder if she has done most of the caring of her in age? If so, I'd have no quibble about her getting the house. Ultimately you will end up with a paid off asset, she won't.