Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still feel slightly bitter about this? (Inheriting social housing)

305 replies

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:34

I grew up in a two bed council house with my mother (single parent) and my sister in what could now be considered a highly gentrified area within walking distance of the city centre. My mother benefited from a life time tenancy. I left at eighteen to go to university, and my mother didn’t keep a place or bed for me. If I went back during the holidays i would have to sleep on the sofa which I found quite annoying especially when so many of my friends at Uni still had rooms in their parent’s houses. Fast forward a couple of years and I graduated, moved away, met my DH and we now have our own home but have been struggling with our mortgage due to cost of living, etc. My mother on the other hand remarried and moved in with her DH whilst putting my sister on the council house tenancy so my sister now has a life time tenancy with subsidised rent in an area I could never afford. Aibu to feel like that’s abit shitty?

OP posts:
ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 15/12/2023 23:29

YABVU. You moved away, got married, and have a home of your own. Your sister presumably isn't married, therefore has less money to pay rent. What did you want your DM to do - give her tenancy to you and your DH and kick your sister out? Bitterness does nothing but eat up the bitter person - it has absolutely no effect on the persons that bitterness is aimed at. I suggest you get over it and concentrate on your own life.

IClaudine · 15/12/2023 23:31

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:00

Because she has a secure lifetime tenancy paying a reduced rate of rent unaffected by interest rates, etc in an area I could never dream of affording meanwhile I am struggling to pay the increase in my mortgage.

Show quote history

What difference would it make to your life if your sister didn't have the tenancy?

You are lucky you managed to buy a home. That is beyond the reach of many people.

AGoingConcern · 15/12/2023 23:32

Did you wish to sell your house and move back into the flat? And did you tell your mother that, yet she chose to give the tenancy to your sister instead?

If yes, I can see some reason to feel slighted.

If no, then you're just bitter that your sister got something nice - her not getting it wouldn't achieve anything positive.

Butchyrestingface · 15/12/2023 23:32

What is it YOU think your mum should have done to make this situation even stevens, @Buddybud ?

Scarletttulips · 15/12/2023 23:32

You wanted your family to sacrifice a family room downstairs for you to have as a bedroom for a few weeks a year?

Mines home 5 months of the year - 1 month Christmas and 4 months over the summer plus two weeks Easter and half terms.

This year she’s at Uni Monday - Wednesday so could come home 4 days a week.

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/12/2023 23:32

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:00

Because she has a secure lifetime tenancy paying a reduced rate of rent unaffected by interest rates, etc in an area I could never dream of affording meanwhile I am struggling to pay the increase in my mortgage.

Show quote history

So what did you want to happen?

Stay, not go to uni, share the property with your sister X years down the line (which neither of you could have predicted)?

Her boot your sister out and you move back in, when you live elsewhere and have a mortgage with a husband? Sounds v practical I'm sure!

She could only give the tenancy to one of you.

Your sister could benefit from it. You, who have a property elsewhere and cannot run two properties, live in two places at once nor want to, could not (in any case as a non-resident for X years, chances are you could not have taken over the tenancy anyway).

You wanted your Mum to hand back the property and boot your sister out to fend for herself?

None of the alternative outcomes or possibilities would actually benefit you.

Your situation sucks and some of it clearly wasn't your choice or fault.

Someone got a bit luckier than you, in some respects (not all, did your sister go to Uni, get on the property ladder, get married etc etc...?)

That is life, give yourself a slap and move on eh, because this isn't doing you any favours.

DurhamDurham · 15/12/2023 23:33

If your sister didn't have the tenancy your mortgage payments would still have increased by £300, it doesn't make any difference to you.

I think your mum was harsh getting rid of your room when you went to uni, my girls always had their rooms to come back to.
You left and bought your own home, it makes sense for your mum to put your sister on the tenancy agreement if she was still living at home.

Branleuse · 15/12/2023 23:39

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:56

Don’t social housing tenants pay a reduced rate of rent? I do apologise if I worded that incorrectly.

Show quote history

They don't tend to be market value rents but that's a good thing. My mum rents her house out and only charges LHA. That doesn't make it subsidised

2021x · 15/12/2023 23:40

It feels unfair because ultimately it is unfair. It f the property was not council owned it would have been split between you.

Go be angry about it and rant to people
outside your family and get it out your system and then move on with your life.

wafflyversatile · 15/12/2023 23:45

Council House rent isn't subsidised.

Well your sister lucked out today but next year it might be you who is lucky and her less so. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 15/12/2023 23:48

2021x · 15/12/2023 23:40

It feels unfair because ultimately it is unfair. It f the property was not council owned it would have been split between you.

Go be angry about it and rant to people
outside your family and get it out your system and then move on with your life.

Couldn't have put it better - spot on!!

Boomboom22 · 15/12/2023 23:50

Why are people assuming the sister would have to move in with op or needs social housing? It's clear favourites from the mum as has been the pattern it seems. More about not losing the reduced rent than the sister needing it.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/12/2023 23:53

If we accept that social rents aren't subsidised, we have to also accept that private landlord rents are massively overinflated and you all should pester your MPs to do something about that and cap the rate of private rent increase instead of denigrating posters for being pissed off about being fleeced while their family members take advantage of the system, when I would bet most posters being shitty to OP started life with a leg up that you don't even recognise because you're so privileged, and OP had to fight for every penny she ever had. But some of you think it's ok to be shitty to her because you've internalised the fact she's beneath you because she grew up in a council house and this post gives you free licence to be shitty to someone from social housing without looking bad.

Panaa · 15/12/2023 23:54

Boomboom22 · 15/12/2023 23:50

Why are people assuming the sister would have to move in with op or needs social housing? It's clear favourites from the mum as has been the pattern it seems. More about not losing the reduced rent than the sister needing it.

I think most mums wouldn't want to lose the reduced rent so if they could give it to one of their kids then they would.

I can't imagine many handing it back just because they can't offer the other kids anything to make it even.

Original poster
Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:54

We were still renting when my sister inherited the property. I guess I would have liked the option of living there after university. If I had moved out on my own initiative then fair enough, but I wasn’t given much choice. That’s what really irks me.

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 15/12/2023 23:55

AGoingConcern · 15/12/2023 23:32

Did you wish to sell your house and move back into the flat? And did you tell your mother that, yet she chose to give the tenancy to your sister instead?

If yes, I can see some reason to feel slighted.

If no, then you're just bitter that your sister got something nice - her not getting it wouldn't achieve anything positive.

OP could not be on the tenancy as she has not lived there for years. Her sister has.

Teenagehorrorbag · 15/12/2023 23:55

Yeah - I would be jealous/pissed off too! With no real reason - but it just feels 'unfair' (irrespective of the bedroom issue previously).

People say social housing rent isn't subsidised - but it's massively cheaper than private rentals and probably governed by caps on annual increases etc which other rentals aren't. Plus it's for life and you can buy the house at a stupidly cheap price. An amazing benefit for a child to receive because their parent moves out - I personally feel that policy is completely wrong (assuming OP is correct and it is allowed in her area) - but if it is then OPs sister has a huge benefit that she hasn't and yes - I'd be miffed! Why should OP work hard and struggle to pay her mortgage when her sister has everything on a plate?

But the wider question is about social housing full stop. If the original tenant moves out then surely they can't pass the tenancy on to their child, willy nilly? If that's legal it is so wrong! So many families are desperate and homeless - why should one 'lucky' youngster get a two bed house without even having children in need of a home? The system is totally screwed!

TurquoiseSeasAndSilverSand · 15/12/2023 23:58

I get it and I hear you. You had no option of moving back after uni as your room had been taken away, so you had to fend for yourself. Your sister had a home provided for as long as she needed it and because of this she met the conditions to take over the tenancy.
It is unfair. But there's nothing you can do about it and it isn't your sister's fault. She may even be jealous that you've got on the housing ladder. Try to move on and focus on the future.

Outofmydepthnow · 15/12/2023 23:59

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 22:42

@tinyme77 If she moves out the property does get returned but otherwise she has a secure tenancy for life with subsidised rent uneffected by interest, etc.

... and as someone who lost there home in a divorce consider yourself extremely lucky . Yes she has subsidised rent but nothing that is hers. Nothing she can leave to kids.. nothing she can call her own. A choice between cheap social housing or MH own home (if only most of us had that choice !!) Count your blessings and stop being so bloody jealous . I

XenoBitch · 16/12/2023 00:01

Teenagehorrorbag · 15/12/2023 23:55

Yeah - I would be jealous/pissed off too! With no real reason - but it just feels 'unfair' (irrespective of the bedroom issue previously).

People say social housing rent isn't subsidised - but it's massively cheaper than private rentals and probably governed by caps on annual increases etc which other rentals aren't. Plus it's for life and you can buy the house at a stupidly cheap price. An amazing benefit for a child to receive because their parent moves out - I personally feel that policy is completely wrong (assuming OP is correct and it is allowed in her area) - but if it is then OPs sister has a huge benefit that she hasn't and yes - I'd be miffed! Why should OP work hard and struggle to pay her mortgage when her sister has everything on a plate?

But the wider question is about social housing full stop. If the original tenant moves out then surely they can't pass the tenancy on to their child, willy nilly? If that's legal it is so wrong! So many families are desperate and homeless - why should one 'lucky' youngster get a two bed house without even having children in need of a home? The system is totally screwed!

Most councils/HA allow you to pass the tenancy on once, and it has to be to someone who has been living there for 2 years minimum.

OP went off to uni and never moved back. Her sister has been living there all along and is named on the tenancy, therefore she can stay once mum had moved on.

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 00:02

Buddybud · 15/12/2023 23:54

We were still renting when my sister inherited the property. I guess I would have liked the option of living there after university. If I had moved out on my own initiative then fair enough, but I wasn’t given much choice. That’s what really irks me.

Ok @Buddybud, but how is this related to your sister inheriting the tenancy? Do you think you'd have still been living at home with your mother and sister when your mom remarried if she had kept the dining room as your bedroom?

@XenoBitch yes, I know. I was trying to get OP to walk through their thought process because it doesn't make sense to me what they were wanting to happen.

XenoBitch · 16/12/2023 00:06

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 00:02

Ok @Buddybud, but how is this related to your sister inheriting the tenancy? Do you think you'd have still been living at home with your mother and sister when your mom remarried if she had kept the dining room as your bedroom?

@XenoBitch yes, I know. I was trying to get OP to walk through their thought process because it doesn't make sense to me what they were wanting to happen.

Show quote history

Yep, OP has been asked a few times what she would like to happen. No real answer, funnily enough.

Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 00:06

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 00:02

Ok @Buddybud, but how is this related to your sister inheriting the tenancy? Do you think you'd have still been living at home with your mother and sister when your mom remarried if she had kept the dining room as your bedroom?

@XenoBitch yes, I know. I was trying to get OP to walk through their thought process because it doesn't make sense to me what they were wanting to happen.

Show quote history

I don’t know. I guess I would have at least liked option.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buddybud · 16/12/2023 00:07

XenoBitch · 16/12/2023 00:06

Yep, OP has been asked a few times what she would like to happen. No real answer, funnily enough.

Show quote history

That’s not true. I have said what I would have liked earlier on in the thread. Would you like me to repeat for you?

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 16/12/2023 00:11

Buddybud · 16/12/2023 00:06

I don’t know. I guess I would have at least liked option.

Show quote history

The option of what?