To have declined Christmas invitation from MIL

[Onesidedagain]

Every year MIL hosts. The last time we went was 2013. That’s because that was the year that MIL got her dog.

Since then SIL and BIL have also got a dog, MIL has got a second dog.

I am allergic and terrified as well. I can’t stand the smell of dogs either. We’ve offered for them to see us at our house (minus dogs) on Boxing Day- that’s not good enough. We offered to host last year - no, that’s not ‘the tradition’

Now dh is getting hassled with messages telling him to go - that my allergies and phobias shouldn’t be a barrier to his family Christmas!

Because the issue isn't the dog. It's the dog matter the dog leaves behind.

Isolating the dog doesn't solve the problem with allergies.

I do understand that. I have cats. If a friend with a cat allergy was coming around the cats would be locked up. The rooms where we sit and meet, plus toilet and passage to toilet would be hoovered, all surfaces dusted, chairs hoovered, and floors washed. That's a given. I cannot understand why people won't isolate their animals for people with an allergy. It's literally for only a small time. Not a big deal.

After a phone call last night from FIL to dh where he explained how upset MIL is dh asked outright ‘is someone ill?’ To be told no. The issue is that they will be downsizing next year and MIL just wants to see everyone together on Christmas Day for the last time in the house.

At least you now know the degree of mememe involved.

So her moving house means you and your child have to suffer physical illness to gratify her. That seems a pretty poor reason for going there, to me.

She has done without you for the past ten years, so she hasn't seen everyone together on Christmas Day in the house for long enough to have become used to the idea by now, surely.

By ‘everyone’ she means her children. So it was made clear that if I can’t go then she wants dh there but he has explained (again) that isn’t possible.

I did hear dh say ‘the only way it would be a possibility would be if everyone put their dogs in kennels or with a dog sitter over Xmas and you get the house deep cleaned ‘ and that was pretty much the call over then

I wouldnt have dogs if I knew that my DIL was very allergic and phobic.

How to disendear oneself to one's son, his chosen wife and companion, and their children: demand that they spend Christmas Day separated rather than as the family unit that they are.

Your MiL seems to be being more than a little silly, really.

Good, hopefully it's sorted now and she'll stop bothering your DH. You are your own family and even suggesting he goes there alone or with DC leaving you alone on Christmas day is selfish. Some MIL are awful, enjoy your Christmas with your DH and DC.

She want your husband to leave his wife and young children alone on Christmas day so that she can spend Christmas day with all her adult children, her family. I don't think she is so daft that she doesn't know what she is doing. If she is genuine, she will compromise and keep the dogs away for that day. She is playing pick me with your husband. Pick this family, we are your real family, not your wife and children.

These are likely of the same ilk as conspiracy theorists. 'But it's aaaallllll made up, and you lack critical agency if you believe what "they" tell you!' Or the second brand: people who disbelieve others' allergies can possibly be real just because they're outside their personal experience or comprehension.

Either way you cut it, both are reasons enough not to take those people remotely seriously.

You are being unreasonable . Take an antihistamine and get over yourself . Dogs are family 🎄

Let them expect all they like .
Stay home and do Your own family thing and think no more of it.
Just get dh to make sure they know they are all welcome at any time abs think no more about it .

Well, she is daft. You never, ever put people in the position of having to choose. IME, people who try this trick invariably lose.

Were MiL actually to win this particular power struggle it would illustrate some very real weakness in her son's marriage, and would likely create divisions in his own family unit.

I have no doubt that some MiLs would love to see this happen, a thing I find really sad. Their own child's happiness seems of less acccount to this ilk than being (and remaining) top dog in the matriarchal family hierarchy.

Then they wonder why their DC end up NC, place the blame for this unappealing state of affairs directly upon the shoulders of the DiL alone, and go around bleating 'we have no idea why this has happened, but WE never did anything wrong!'

This is just as much The Script as the cheat's one, and it's depressingly prevalent.

Sigh. You haven't read the thread, have you. Not even just the OP's posts.

Yes, this is my view as well. MIL has put her dogs before her family - her choice, she deals with the consequences.

Not in my family they’re not!

Hey Siri, show me a post where someone shows they're lazy and ignorant without saying they're lazy and ignorant.

hahahahahha

Only for people who love them, and even then, if they want to see humans, they'll have to compromise if those humans don't feel the same way about dogs for WHATEVER reason.

Nope. They are animals. And can be dangerous especially if a human has an allergy to them.

🙄🙄🙄

Quite understandable from MILs point of view.

Reidie
Dogs are family

🎶Bestiality's best, boys, bestiality's best....🎶

And quite understandable it is still her SON’S decision if he wants to go
there or not on Christmas Day.

Considering the expectation is for family
to be there for a few days, there’s no reason that OP’s DH (if he chooses to) can’t visit on a day other than Christmas Day.

Understandable in what sense? A sentimental wish for a photographic moment doesn’t excuse browbeating her son and his family and insisting he split his young family for the holiday into more valued (dh) and less valued ( op and her allergic child). Its so shallow and divorced from the true appreciation of the family side of Christmas.