To have declined Christmas invitation from MIL

[Onesidedagain]

Every year MIL hosts. The last time we went was 2013. That’s because that was the year that MIL got her dog.

Since then SIL and BIL have also got a dog, MIL has got a second dog.

I am allergic and terrified as well. I can’t stand the smell of dogs either. We’ve offered for them to see us at our house (minus dogs) on Boxing Day- that’s not good enough. We offered to host last year - no, that’s not ‘the tradition’

Now dh is getting hassled with messages telling him to go - that my allergies and phobias shouldn’t be a barrier to his family Christmas!

Oh the jpys of people who don't understand allergies. Also asthmatic and ended up in hospital over a number of Christmases while growing up due to relatives' pets (no phobia though, luckily) and have done the whole react to people in furry coats etc thing too. It's really hard for your husband but stick to your guns, they are being totally unreasonable and you have offered for them to come to you so obviously not just about seeing your DH.

Aside from some of the utterly tone deaf and ignorant comments about allergies (yep they’re real and they kill people), this thread is reinforcing why I’ll never again go back to my family at Xmas. I don’t like dogs, despite being brought up with them it’s a function of my idiot mother getting a dog when I was a child that took a dislike to me. And attacked me repeatedly. Until the attacks got dangerous to the point they had to get rid of it. (More, it destroyed part of the kitchen rather than they actually thought about me). I’ll tolerate some dogs and that has taken a lot of work on my part. I’ll even pet them on my terms. But I will not be in a confined space with them and don’t like being approached by them. My idiot mother has apparently just got a dog. I will not be putting myself in a room with that animal.

You all need to compromise. You clearly (and with every right) don't want to spend every xmas with in-laws. Where are your parents in all this? But why not agree to every other year, just your husband will go around for 2 hours on xmas day, while you and dc start your own tradition like a walk/ /game/ cooking something special like the turkey stuffing for lunch. And alternative years, dh is home all day and you see in-laws on a day around xmas? You don't need to offend them by telling them their dogs smell and you hate them. You just need to say you're starting your own traditions, you'll respect theirs every other year and they need to respect yours every other year. They sound like a nightmare if they're not willing to compromise. But they'll be a corrosive pain in the backside if you/dh sees them regularly throughout the year.

Ten years into a new way of doing things (having Christmas Day at home rather than at in-laws) is a bit late to start a tradition of doing them that way!

I have 3 dogs luv them to bits but if u r allergic and frightened of dogs then I would respect that u would not be coming and try to come and see u without them

They are being unreasonable knowing you have an allergy and not finding a solution. Your DH should say if they are happy to shut the dogs away or put them in kennels for the day, you’d gladly go. Bet they will say no and then you can say you tried!!

Take some antihistamine’s and you’ll be fine. The amount of people that walk around with animal dander on the en in immense including people you are friends with, work with etc.

If you haven’t been for ten years then it’s no longer tradition

Except they earlier said that pills don’t help

I wouldn't set foot in that house. Your husband can go on boxing day.

But only if he wants to. If he doesn't, he is under no obligation to after all this harassment of his wife.

What’s rubbish about that though?

Then I’m surprised they could ever leave their house given the amount of animal dander everywhere….let’s just call out the BS and stop being silly. She doesn’t want to go….just admit it. Let’s not be BSing

Unfortunately, their actions (filling the house with dogs) is telling you they're not bothered if you go or not.

I'm not allergic or have a phobia but wouldn't want to spend 3 days - even 1day - surrounded by smelly yapping dogs.

I have allergies, not pets but I understand
In my case they would all be offended if I asked them not to wear scented products if I was hosting ( this is not possible and if it were nobody is willing to do it)
I get it
Say NO and mean it , explain YET A Flippin Gain why it is not good for you
Then let them stew while giving no flips - I find people so selfish in this way
If their relative had a peanut allergy it would be serious but no not us who suffer without the anaphylactic reactions (yet)

The woman sounds like an absolute monster and I reckon the more you pander to her wishes the more you will HAVE TO!

It's a NO from me, start as you wish to go on, let them all know how you wish to proceed and if they don't like it, they can suck it up. Your life, your choices, you did not marry this woman and have your own life to live

@CantFindMyMarbles you obviously have no knowledge ( Or are a Doctor 😂)
either way you are talking mince

Nobody should have to do anything they don’t want to on Christmas Day! Even without allergies & phobias you can stay home with your little family if you like.
Partner & I have 6 children & 10 grandchildren between us & everyone knows they are more than welcome to join us for as long as they like over the Christmas period - it’s their choice, nobody else’s. Too many selfish overbearing relatives. I would only want any of them to come to us by choice, if not what’s the point?

You get that it's more concentrated in the places where animals live, though, right? And when the actual animals are in the room with you?

Some folk are just wilfully dopey.

I'm allergic to dogs. I take a daily anti histamine which helps with the unavoidable day to day dander contact etc. It does sweet fa against being in close, confined spaces with dogs for a prolonged period of time, and does nothing to stop or reduce the asthma attacks (which can actually be life threatening) wheezing, burning itchy throat, stinging and watering eyes. Your post is so ignorant. I'm also contact allergic to the saliva of some dogs, which again is avoidable on a day to day basis, but not in confined spaces. (Brings me out in itchy hives that turn to sores). So why on earth would I, or anybody (including op), put themselves in that situation? Maybe let's just admit that you know very little about allergies, and that you are the one bullshitting through arrogant ignorance.

God the arrogance of you. There is absolutely nothing minor about being hospitalised with an asthma attack. I hope everyone you meet treats those in your household with allergies with much more empathy and understanding than you treat those you deem with "lesser" allergies. There's absolutely nothing scummy about avoiding asthma or allergy triggers. Imagine if someone said that to your loved one - sure so what if you expose yourself to a potentially fatal allergen, you have your epipen!

Depends on if it’s airborne or a touch allergy. If it’s an allergic from close contact then it’s manageable as most ppl don’t have dogs climbing all over them every time they leave the house.
if this happens to you every day leave off the bacon perfume perhaps

I think it is quite sad that your kids can't have Christmas in their own home!
And your mother in law has to realise that your husbands family IS his wife and kids!
You are allowed to make your own traditions and she has to get over herself.

You obviously haven't had an allergy to dogs.

I think the description the OP gave of her allergy being triggered by sitting next to a boy in school who had a dog, is pretty much an indicator of how serious the allergy is. Interesting that you find what can be a life threatening allergy amusing though.