To have declined Christmas invitation from MIL

[Onesidedagain]

Every year MIL hosts. The last time we went was 2013. That’s because that was the year that MIL got her dog.

Since then SIL and BIL have also got a dog, MIL has got a second dog.

I am allergic and terrified as well. I can’t stand the smell of dogs either. We’ve offered for them to see us at our house (minus dogs) on Boxing Day- that’s not good enough. We offered to host last year - no, that’s not ‘the tradition’

Now dh is getting hassled with messages telling him to go - that my allergies and phobias shouldn’t be a barrier to his family Christmas!

Hi 👋🏼 @Onesidedagain mil 🤣🤣🤣🤣

MIL has chosen to prioritise a dog instead of her family. She knows her animal is a health hazard but persistents in inflicting it’s presence as part of her Christmas over and above her sons family . Her choice , but it has consequences of her making . Stop pandering to her. She’s a grown up not a child
OP Your health matters. Enjoy your Christmas with your family . Your husbands extended family can play with their 🐕 together

It's not 'causing issues' people are just wankers about xmas and as you say, if it was about famly then they can come to you. If you see them all the time anyway it doesn't matter. Tell them you are starting your own 'family tradition' that doesn't include dogs.

People on this thread going on about dogs. Nobody has to like dogs... nobody. I wonder how many of the dog people have had treatment for their own phobias?

I love dogs and I agree somewhat that if a dog repeatedly displays signs of not liking a person, there’s usually a reason, but you’re right, this is a horrible, judgmental post based on nothing. I don’t think dogs are remotely Satanic by the way - their behaviour can be a product of both nature and nurture. But I entirely understand why some people don’t like, and are afraid of them.

Literally everything about dogs is nasty. They bark and sound horrifying. They slobber. Their breathing is loud and sensory offending. They stink at all times. They have dead soulless eyes that look at you like they want to eat you. They lick people. Their paws are like knives and disgusting.
There is no rational way of getting over a phobia of something so rank. Plus it is right to be scared, they can and do kill and bite all the time. Many owners seem to have no understanding of them at all and no control.

Falls over laughing.

Batshit lady, this is amazingly crazy!

(gets out popcorn)

im not denying I have a phobia and an aversion - if that was all then I’d fully own it and be honest it was that and that alone. I do also have a severe allergy as well.

you do sound incredibly like my MIL though so I’m now waiting for a text to say why did I post on MN!!!

The thing is that most people I know who have a "phobia" about dogs do not have an irrational fear of them. They feel like that because of the experience they have had with dogs.

I don't mind dogs. Quite a few people I know have some really nice ones but DD has "phobia". This is because a number of fairly big dogs have jumped up at her. She has SN so it is perhaps more difficult to try logic with her but bearing in mind she used to be on at me to get a dog I wouldn't say she has an irrational fear.

I know that people love their dogs and see them as part of the family but dogs jump, they bite, they bark in what can seem quite a scary way and in some extreme cases they can kill. To dismiss people's genuine fear or wariness around dogs is very inconsiderate in my opinion.

I’m shocked that they have put their dogs above their grandkids!! I wouldn’t be going on Christmas Day or anyday, they’ve made it perfectly clear where their priorities are and it’s not your family, I can’t even fathom how any grandparent would not want to see their grandkids on Christmas Day.

I mean, I don't trust people who question allergies and would rather see people physically or mentally suffer than a pet not be prioritised all of the time, because that is some properly fucked up thinking.

I definitely don't trust people who are so lacking in empathy that they can't conceive of having different feelings or opinions about a thing to their own, even about things they believe to be "amazing" or that not liking them would be "seriously missing out". That's proper narcissism territory and frankly a bit scary.

@Mrschickenn if you are indeed op’s mil you are nuts!

Also 85% of voter’s sided with your dil. Dogs aside your son has married and now his dil and his children are his priority. If they want to spend every Christmas at home that’s their right.

If you aren’t op’s mil you are still nuts. No one has to like dogs. 😂 Should we also have to like cats, birds, rats, horses, sheep, newts and so forth?

Here we have it. One poster who has finally been honest and come out with what so many other posters secretly think about people with allergies.

People like you are part of the reason people die from allergic reactions. It just takes one person to fuck up because they secretly think they don’t need to take an allergy seriously, that they know better than someone who is managing a serious medical condition, and then they fuck up just enough to put that person in danger.

This is why I will live in fear once my children are at school, at work, out in the world, because so many people would rather believe they make up their life threatening allergies than give a shit about the safety of others.

I actually quite like dogs, even though we can’t be around them. Posts like yours make me not like people very much though.

@Onesidedagain my inlaws are the same as yours and I’ve cut down their visits to every 6 weeks max. I’m happier and so is DH.

Yeah, I feel like for OP and her child, it's actually fairly rational to have a fear of something that literally makes them ill.

My eldest had a phobia of dogs for years. No allergies or anything to exacerbate it but it was 100% caused by being jumped up on by large dogs when he was small and it took years longer to help him get over it because of all the "he's just friendly" or even better the "they weren't jumping at him/chasing him until he reacted to them/ran away from them" dog owners. Again, pretty rational to be scared of something about two thirds of your size with sharp teeth that make loud noises at you.

@JassyRadlett exactly. Dogs in my home country are strictly licensed and we have very few issues with dogs as a result.

Dogs in this country are owned by idiots who let their unpredictable dogs do whatever they want untrained and wonder why so many people have phobias. The phobias are sensible if you live here tbh.

It's obvious to me that op and her child , both have a phobia because they have a serious allergy to dogs and cats , it's interesting that the child who isn't allergic doesn't have a phobia!
I am terrified of strange dogs ( I was bitten as a child) yet I actually had a German shepherd ( who died of old age) and currently have two cocker spaniels, I'm still terrified of other dogs! 🤷‍♀️

You sound like a complete and utter moron!
Merry Christmas!

Yes very unreasonable take an antihistamine and compromise on dogs being left in separate room to you. We have relatives allergic to our pets they wouldn’t dream of turning down invitations. They just take a pill and I keep pets away from them.

Yes because all allergies are the same severity and impact and everyone has the same reaction to antihistamines.

We are so lucky you're here with your expert medical advice.

I’d imagine she’s exaggerating somewhat does she have an epi pen? If not it’s manageable with common sense approaches

You don’t get an epipen until you have a severe reaction. They are frequently a shortage item too. Thanks for your unqualified advice.

Common sense approach though would include avoiding the allergen. Which OP is doing.

Every single reaction has the potential to be anaphylactic. Can I ask what it is about anaphylaxis that people just don’t want to believe it exists with animal allergies? Because it’s been mentioned loads on this thread and just about every other thread relating to allergies on mumsnet ever, and yet people still want to ignore it. It feels like people are being deliberately obtuse.

She has a P-H-O-B-I-A.

Can you prescribe a pill for that?

I have epi pens for my food (nut) allergies , but not for pet allergies it was prescribed as I’m allergic to peanuts hazelnuts and cashews. The food allergies cause my throat to swell. Pet allergies make my asthma really bad and my eyes swell and water so much I can’t see !

Being around dogs triggers her asthma to the point where inhalers are needed.

Stop imagining. Start listening.

I’m not denying I have a phobia - I do and it’s awful BUT if I didn’t have a phobia I still wouldn’t be going there due to having an allergy to dogs - so in some ways the phobia is irrelevant I was just including all the facts as they are