How is your house not a shithole?

[Give0fecks]

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

Utter lack of awareness is quite shocking. Is your surname Rhys- Mogg?

Wrong thread !

Your problem is your husband Im afraid not the house!

Everything I pick up, I decide whether it brings me extreme joy or use. If it has neither of those attributes about it I recycle/regift or bin it. Everything else has a home in a cupboard or an ikea kallax. I got rid of the majority of my ornaments because they just collect dust. I know dishwashers are the devil on MN but honestly I couldn’t live without one (space and finance dependent obviously). I set a timer on my phone for ten minutes and see how far I can get in those ten minutes cleaning. Usually by that point I’m in cleaning mode so I kind of trick myself into wanting to do it. Having young children is really difficult and it won’t be like this forever. Be kind to yourself. Also, get rid of the lazy husband. We all have work and stresses in life, that absolutely zero excuse to be a lazy fucker and dump it all on you.

As above... it's not your house per se, it's your husband. Now you have your DC - do you really need him anymore? I find once you have the children most of them become surplus to requirements. Kick him out, ensure he pays towards their care and you will automatically have a cleaner house as (assuming he's not a complete deadbeat) he will have the DC on occasion giving you time to get on top of things and watch as a sense of calm descends when you rid yourself of the endless frustration of mothering a grown man.

This exact scenario of inadequate men fathering children and not pulling their weight is happening in thousands of houses up and down the country right now. It's so tedious that we have to waste energy complaining about them ad infinitum. Just get rid or it never ends!

@Zoreos

There is a ton of stuff in my house that brings me negative joy but as it belongs to DH it's not as simple as get rid... do you just ignore the wishes of others in your home?

Although as above he seriously pulls his weight in house work, there's a lot more 'stuff' than I'd like.

Start declutting, if you haven't used it/worn it in the last 6months donate it.

If it's broken throw it, I'm relentless but it's needed or it gets overwhelming.

You've got this, your kids are happy, fed and in clothes that's all that matters!!

I feel you! I got diagnosed as an adult 12 years ago but struggled with the label so largely ignored it.

Now I have a son I'm going through the process again as I don't want to be a bit rubbish for him, as my poor undiagnosed mother was in the organisation stakes when we were kids.

But there's the meds crisis at the moment and I'm still waiting to hear back. And I'm still the one, out of me and my husband, doing all the thousand tiny things, especially at this time of year, that come as part of having a family...presents, cards, trips to Santa, tips for window cleaners and postie, grocery shop, tree buying, christmas cake making, putting up decs etc (only done last night)

I'm overwhelmed and feel like I'm burning out. Luckily I've just got the hypothyroidism under control as I was totally fucking useless with that and the adhd raging. Next comes menopause 🤣

Good luck with the diagnosis.

At least a year, not six months. You don't use your winter stuff in the summer or vice-versa.

And all his stuff, then revel in the freed space and reduction in number of people making a mess.

I have children roughly the same age as yours and a dog so I feel your pain!

DH is your biggest problem. Me and DH split getting the downstairs in order straight after tea, which really helps both of our stress levels. I’m slowly teaching my kids to clean up after themselves, but naturally it takes ages and usually needs redoing (they enjoy it though!).

Upstairs is our biggest problem, I just can’t seem to get clothes put away etc with the children around. Then once they are in bed, we don’t want to wake them up by cleaning upstairs 🤷‍♀️

I'm totally with you on that @Allthingsdecember . Our bedroom is where all clutter and mess goes to... I would say to die, but I swear it's started reproducing.

I don't go by a certain time period, apart from rather vaguely when I start putting clothes away for the summer and again for the winter, thinking is this worth storage space, do I want to see it next summer/winter when I get things out. Sometimes I think yes but when it comes to summer/winter I think no, and at that point it goes. If something is a bit specialized and I might not have used it, eg extreme weather stuff I'll keep. I have some boots like that
I went through all my Christmas decs last January and thought I had culled years everything, but this Christmas there are things that have gone to the charity shop, as I changed my mind. And that's all right, it's shifting. If in doubt with stuff like that, you're not committing to it forever, and the stuff I've got rid of hasn't made any more room just left me with stuff I like this Christmas.
You can move stuff on at any time
An idea I took on board some years ago was the emotional withdrawal box. Basically stuff you feel you should get rid of but still feel some sort of an emotional bond to. Seal it in a box which you put somewhere dry and mouse proof and get on with the rest of your life without it. After say 6 months, open it and you probably will.be ok to get rid of most of it. If there is stuff you still want, that's ok. By then your decluttering muscles have got a lot stronger. I no longer need boxes like that, it works, seeing whatever it is at the change of seasons. Even Marie kondo says do emotional.stuff last. I gave up with her due to the extreme behaviour of a Facebook group I was in, you had to stick exactly to what she says in the exact order, exactly as she says however doing it slightly differently because it works best for you with your circumstances, or you can manage perfectly well without thanking your motheaten item etc, you're not doing the method, it was like being in a fundamentalist cult.
But even MK says not everything has to spark joy, no one gets fond of their loo brush, so if it works, you keep that because you need a loo brush, or you need work clothes, or a cheat of drawers and the one you have works well but is a bit battered, they are all things you need, you can replace them with something else more joyful, but the joy is in having what you need to live your life

Manage your expectations .. I can keep my house pristine but tidying is f**king boring and I like doing other stuff. I just tidy if I invite someone round. In fact sometimes I invite them round to make me tidy if it's particularly bad. Make friends with someone messier you'll feel loads better.
You could try Fly lady if you must aspire to be Mrs Hinch...

My house is not pristine but I do 30 minutes every day just putting things away or back on teenagers beds.
At the weekend I clean on a Saturday morning everywhere and that's it. It's clean, tidy and I have a life too.
Not pristine but if people unexpectedly called round it would be ok