How is your house not a shithole?

[Give0fecks]

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

I have a Fortnightly cleaner.

Oh I do have one tip! This song:

It's on cbeebies (nick cope podcast, they're great, get stuck in your head though) and on Spotify. I sing it as I tidy and somehow that enthuses my child to help for a bit, the singing also helps me not to cry.

I think the husband is the problem!
No time for lazy ness in our house.
Two disabled kids,a partner who works 60 hours a week and a crazy dog.

Some rules-

Food and drink is only eaten in the kitchen. If an adult chooses to take something elsewhere they’d better damn well hide all evidence of it! So if he wants a drink in the lounge he takes his own cup back in the kitchen.

Toys go back in a box after being played with and before doing the next thing- so allow 5mins before leaving the house to box up whatever toy they are playing with.

Don’t buy toys with fiddly bits that need to stay together- you want toys that get lobbed into an ikea box.

Some toys live upstairs. Some downstairs. You play with different toys at different times in different places. You can swap them out when there’s a need, but DC don’t carry things up and down.

Gather anything DH has left lying around and put it on his seat at the table. He can’t sit down for dinner without addressing it. This works as the DC get older too. It helps focus their mind to retrieving belongings!

Just go with the flow . It's a stage that won't last forever, Clean beds , clean kitchen and bathroom then the rest can do one .

I don't have a lazy husband.

I do the shit jobs like hoovering and bathrooms really regularly, before they look like they need doing because it's easier and quicker to wipe down a surface that looks clean or hoover up the days dirt than it is to get out ingrained crap.

I accept that doing the vmbigger jobs means some of the little jobs need to slide.

Seriously, assign your husband jobs if he isnt doing them. He doesnt get to sit in his ass after 'a hard day of work' while you run yourself ragged. Its everyone's mess, they're everyone's children. After you've done the 40 hours childcare whil hes at work, you divide the taks between you. Once its clean it's easy to keep clean.

Kids have to tidy up after each activity. If they finish drawing they tidy it before they move in to toys. They finish with the toys in the lounge, they tidy up before lunch time. Set the expectation now.

Have them draw while you prep lunch and tidy up, dont let them run off to cause carnage in the house.

The trick is to do each thing as it happens and not get caught in the trap of feeding the kids and then leaving the dishes to play with them. The dishes get done after the meal, the table gets cleaned, the floor is swept, then they can get down and play.

My house isn't immaculate but it's not bad. I try to do things as I go so things don't pile up on the kitchen, plates away as soon as they're used. Packets away immediately.

Your 3yo can clear his toys away.

Agree with chucking loads out. I bin most my kids scribbles almost immediately otherwise they hang around on the side untouched.

Your husband should contribute something though - at a bare minimum not contribute to the mess.

Mine are adults now but when they were little
I set up toys and rotated them so they were not all out.
Cleaned kitchen as I went along
Left the house between breakfast and lunch to go park or library or whatever.
But the important thing was DP did his share

As everyone else has said it's a combo of stuff plus a lazy husband.

We live a minimalist life. Our three year old has a toy box in the living room and a book tower in his bedroom. Any toys or books he owns must fit in there. If there is no room we donate old ones so new ones can move in. The only exceptions are the play kitchen which is obviously too big for a toy box and the indoor climbing frame which is folded away and put in the cupboard at the end of the day.

After son goes to bed we tidy the living room and clean and tidy the kitchen. Vacuuming happens as well if son has been particularly messy with his eating. It generally take no more than half an hour tops so we're usually relaxing in a clean, adult space by about 8.30 every evening.

Our wardrobe and chest of drawers limits the amount of clothes and shoes we can own and lack of storage in our new build house limits the rest of the objects we can have. We have to be very clever with what we buy and it's all governed by the space we have to store it.

Totally agree with a PP on the Marie Kondo drawer folding thing btw. Husband has taken a while to get on board as he has ADHD and constantly forgets the system but when it works it's a thing of beauty.

It's also a myth that you can have a clean and tidy home and spend all weekend chilling or having family days out. The weekend is the time for bug jobs you cnat do with the kids having off you. Dad can do dog and take kids to the park or he can do the cleaning.

Gather anything DH has left lying around and put it on his seat at the table. He can’t sit down for dinner without addressing it. This works as the DC get older too. It helps focus their mind to retrieving belongings!

Now that is genius

Honestly? 1) our kids are older (you're at a tricky stage) 2) we have a cat instead of a dog 3) my husband is not lazy and probably actually does more than me, he's fussier than me 4) we have a cleaner.

Because my DC are grown and we don't have a dog. It was definitely much messier when they were little.

@Give0fecks

if you want to get it sorted, listen to the podcasts, you tube or get the books (real or audio) by Dana K White.

youll never get it under control until you declutter, you have too much 'stuff'.

Dana is very 'real' down to earth & decluttering her way only makes progress, only ever leaving a space better.

its very stress free!!

thanks for all the replies - still reading through!

our biggest issue is our house is too small and there is no where to put anything. Yes will need to declutter but I get stuck at the getting rid of it stage. Our local charity shops are full and turning down donations so I’ll have to tip it - which is an hours drive!

my husband is the type to leave his coffee cup dirty on the side, leave his dirty laundry on the floor, not pick up a wet towel, not rinse his toothpaste down the sink. I have told him and told him but he doesn’t change. He sees me also “being messy” eg not always immediately putting my own things away as I’m trying to do 18 jobs at once. So thinks I can’t talk as I’m a hypocrite. He will take the baby out the high chair and leave all the food on the tray, on the floor, the dirty spoons/ bowls wherever they’ve been thrown, dirty wet bib on the chair, etc and just go and sit down.

We (I ) tidy as I go. If the kids play with toys they get put away before more toys are brought out. Declutter and good storage. You and dh are a team you both need to work together!

i tidy each morning before work eg hoover downstairs floors and wipe worksurfaces, put a load of washing on, then on a Saturday the house gets a full clean. Have done this since the kids were young. Dh ‘tidies’ the kitchen, not quite to m6 standard but it’s a help.

1. Husband needs to do his fair share
2. Kids should not be eating around the house. I detest that so much, sit at the table for meals and snacks. Kids need to be taught this, its basic manners. Even if you don't have space for a dining room, you can get one of those kids table and chairs set from IKEA, and put it on your living room.
3. Cut their toys and crafts stuff in half, you'll see the difference
4. Shoes off in house helps the carpet stay cleaner.

In laws coming tomorrow so trying to do a big clean now but they are just so fucking judgemental and critical and I feel sick of it all and just want to go and stay in a hotel.

Lazy husband is your issue. I'd try and get a day without the kids to do a mega blitz and declutter. We only ever eat at the table so no mess on the floor or sofa. A 3 YO can learn to tidy away before bed or after an activity. And bit late now just before Christmas but be ruthless about what comes into your house in terms of presents, new purchases etc. We have 1 in, 1 out rule.

Get one of those little ottoman toy storage things and teach the 3 year old to put everything in before bath time and bribe with a sticker or something. Make a game of it. Get a robo vaccums. At that age I just did laundry everyday and ignored small messes. Definitely get a cleaner if possible too.

You have a DH problem. In a small house, everything needs to be put away instantly.

I think if your washing clothes and dishes daily your doing good with little kids. Decluttering does help. Asigning jobs to everyone helps. But until they are both at school it's going to be a mess most of the time. If it's all clear and clean at night your winning. My basic level of ok is dishwasher on multiple times a day, at least one load of washing and sorting a day. Bins empty. That's it.

If your in laws are coming this is 100% the time to sit on your arse and drink coffee. If your husband doesnt give a shit then neither do you. If he suddenly cares then he can clean. Let them judge. Revel in it. Fuck them

Given DH’s bad attitude, I’d add a rule to my previous list- every night when the kids are down you both move manically for 30 mins doing things TOGETHER! No ‘you do kitchen while I…’ Togther is key!

@TheBirdintheCave

The Marie kondo thing does give me joy. I need to do my own. So much easier to maintain when everything is stacked side ways.

And to pp I know this sounds like potential madness but you don’t have to do it perfectly. Mines not perfect folding. Just cheap cardboard dividers. Some home made sellotape labels. It’s the intent that counts. It does give me joy.