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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How is your house not a shithole?

340 replies

Give0fecks · 15/12/2023 10:16

Help me. I’m drowning. I just feel so overwhelmed by the never ending mess and clutter and shit everywhere. I spend HOURS everyday tidying and cannot get on top of it.

I have a 3yo and 1 yo, a dog, a lazy husband and we are all at home a lot. So 3 meals a day for the kids and I. Toys everywhere, plates/packets everywhere always on the kitchen sides. Colouring pens, scraps of fucking scribbles, play doh, Breadsticks under the table as the baby constantly lobs food everywhere. Clothes all over the floor upstairs, out of the drawers/ “floordrobe”.

I just cannot cope. It’s not like I leave it and it builds up, it’s just a tsunami wave of mess constantly and I cannot keep up. Everyday the dishwasher goes on, laundry in, kitchen sides/table cleaned, etc and it lasts 3 seconds and it’s like a bombs gone off again.

im not exaggerating that it’s actually causes me anxiety!

OP posts:
EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 15/12/2023 14:10

It's impossible, DH and I both work from home, DS is only in school part time... I know we need to declutter, and have made some steps in that direction but it's hard to find the time around work and everything else. And getting rid of stuff takes time - I have bags of stuff to go, not landfill stuff, needs to go to charity shops, but finding one that will take it, getting the stuff there round working. We did try ebaying stuff but it takes up so much time.

Strictlymad · 15/12/2023 14:11

I feel your pain, it’s tough to with two little ones. My house is far from perfect but things that help are having a ‘tidy hour’ after kids are asleep. Lots of declutter img bring ultra ruthless. And good well planned storage, labelled boxes so everything has a home. This helps other adults and kids to tidy without asking you where to put stuff. And train dh and kids as old enough- even small stuff like shoes away, washing in basket etc

MoreChristmas · 15/12/2023 14:19

I think you've answered your own question op.

You have two small kids, a dog, a lazy husband and loads of stuff. That is a recipe for a messy house.

I can't preach as it's taken me years to get to a point where things are better.

Things that have helped me are doing TOMM, decluttering, decluttering and more decluttering. Then trying not to buy. Not easy.

Getting dh on board, again not easy and has taken years of arguments because I basically married a messy hoarder who didn't want to do any housework. Thankfully he took on board my feelings.

Starrystarryshite · 15/12/2023 14:24

It is a shit hole 🤷🏼‍♀️

Starrystarryshite · 15/12/2023 14:24

I meant mine!

TeenLifeMum · 15/12/2023 14:25

My dc are 12-15 and I lose my shit once a month and scream like a demented banshee, then they tidy. I’ve said summer 2024 will be the summer we clear out the toys! The difference will be phenomenal and I cannot wait.

Mariposista · 15/12/2023 14:34

We don’t allow food anywhere except in the kitchen. And nobody goes to bed until the living room is tidied up.
It’s no show home but it isn’t a shit hole.

llamadrama16 · 15/12/2023 14:53

My house has only become consistently clean and organised since I've had both kids at school. We go back to square one during the holidays!

It's not really possible to keep on top of every room with two young kids home.

SophieinParis · 15/12/2023 14:54

Same. Lots of kids, lazy husband and dog.
Its exhausting.
But it’s not forever!
But just do 2 kitchen tidies a day,(morning and evening) and 2 sitting room tidies. (Morning and evening). Bedrooms once a day and no playing in bedrooms at all (mine have a playroom and are allowed to bring toys down to playroom or sitting room). So bedrooms at least stay nice.

And take comfort:everyone I know feels similar

user1471523870 · 15/12/2023 14:54

I'd say it's nearly impossible with two small children, two adults and a dog! I have a smaller family, so can't really compare. However, for me it works doing small tasks but executed immediately: dirty dishes go directly into the dishwasher, clothes directly into the laundry basket, if I cook I put things away as I go etc
Also, I have some few tasks embedded in my routine that really help: I never go downstairs without having done the beds in the morning, I never to upstairs without having tidy the kitchen/dining in the evening.
Food is not allowed anywhere in the house but at the table, or very exceptionally snacks on the sofa.

Evilcold · 15/12/2023 15:27

Think of tidying as exercise, so at least it feels like less of a waste of time.

ConstantRain · 15/12/2023 16:31

My house is a shithole at the moment due to having some builders in. I'm really really hoping everything will be done before Xmas so we can enjoy a relaxing, clean, clutter free home over Xmas and new year. Fingers crossed 🤞

Beezknees · 15/12/2023 16:56

My house isn't a shit hole because I have just one child who is 15 and no pets. Therefore much easier to keep clean as we make minimal mess. Don't be so hard on yourself.

RaraRachael · 15/12/2023 19:24

Showing my vast age here but when mine were little I had a playpen. I used to put them in there with a few toys while I tidied up a bit.
My toddler grandson is into absolutely everything atm so his mum can't get anything done - he only has a brief daytime nap but they're always on her so again can't do anything.

Vettrianofan · 15/12/2023 19:48

Lower your expectations. It is going to be tough when you are in the trenches so to speak. It gets easier as they get older.

WavingCatsandDogs · 15/12/2023 19:58

Tidy the house when you have young children in reality any age is like shovelling the snow when it's still snowing. Said SIL to me once.

I live by that mantra,

But yeah. Also stick a mop up lazy husbands arse.

Thursa · 15/12/2023 20:09

My house isn’t a shit hole because I grew up in a shit hole. 40 years on I still get physically tense if the house is untidy. I’m also lazy, so keeping on top of it means there isn’t ever much that needs to be done. When you’re finished with something don’t put it down, put it away. If you see something that needs to be done, do it. 10/15 minutes before bed to tidy up means it’s tidy when you get up in the morning.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 15/12/2023 20:34

Does your DH need a visual aid to help him understand the problem?
He only works 20-36 hours a week.
There are 168 hours in a week.
Assuming that he needs to sleep for at least 8 hours per night (i.e. 56 hours per week), that means he's awake for 112 hours.
If he's only spending 36 hours of that working, that leaves him with 76 hours of free time!
Can he explain what he does with that time? How much is spent looking after his children/ house/ family/ you? How much time does he have to relax/ watch TV/ read/ lounge around/ go out with his mates/ do his hobbies?
How much time do you devote to housework/ care? How much time do you get for pure leisure?

I think you could create a colour-coded chart that makes this point very powerfully, and stick it up on the wall for him and his family to look at...

ConstantRain · 15/12/2023 20:38

Generally, my house doesn't end up a total shithole because I'm really strict about cleaning the living room and kitchen every night and getting kids to tidy up before every meal and clearing up kitchen after every meal.
Sometimes it doesn't get done for whatever reason but usually it does.

It only takes a few minutes if it gets done regularly. Play some music and by the end if 2-3 sings, it's done.

rosyglowcondition · 15/12/2023 20:41

It is! I've been full of cold for a week and ferrying kids around regardless here and there. No time for cleaning and it's all gone to pot 😭

ExTrex · 15/12/2023 21:09

Don't beat yourself up about it. Nobody's perfect.
But if you actually want advice, this is what i do.. I tidy up the kitchen as i cook. Then its just collecting the plates off the table and putting them in the diswasher as soon as everyone has finished.
My vacuum cleaner lives in the middle of the lounge floor, always plugged in. Always. I have 2 cats and 2 dc (no Dh), so its messy and i just vacuum under the dining table/around it every day.
I have a big washing basket that lives on the upstairs landing. The dc know thats where you put worn and dirty clothes. The pile gets high, but at least its only one pile and its portable.
The market, crayons, scribbles i dont have a solution for. We do have one big basket that i chuck all that into every day, but it is an eyesore. I do go through it sometimes and bin all the stuff that's not needed.
Your 3 year old dc can learn putting things where they belong already. Mine are older now, but i remember they used to love 'helping'. Now its easier to demand more chores because they just accept its their responsibility too.
The lazy dh i don't have any tips for..

TadpolesInPool · 15/12/2023 21:26

Mine isn't a shithole because

  1. we decluttered massively and now drawers and cupboards are only 50-75% full. This makes putting things away easier than leaving them out.

  2. i do a load of washing every day. DC have always put clothes in the wash baskets (1 for darks, 1 for lights) as do DH and I so no clothes are ever left lying about

  3. only allowed to eat at the table. Washing up is done as I cook and the dishes immediately after eating

  4. DH doesn't make a mess. He is incredibly tidy with his stuff. He still isn't great at tidying up for others 🤷‍♀️ but I get the DC to do their stuff

  5. some things PP have listed on here are things that we've all naturally done forever so comes easily to us all. Eg. Shoes and coats off and tidied away as soon as we get in the house. School bags go in their places .sports bags in theirs. Etc.

  6. i don't clean daily (apart from the kitchen) but its definitely tidy

DragonMama3 · 15/12/2023 21:27

cleaner

janicegarvey · 15/12/2023 21:32

"A lazy husband"

THIS ☝️ is your issue

He needs to sort himself out, it's his house too. How do people put up with lazy men, let alone shag them, my Fanny would slam shut

1AngelicFruitCake · 16/12/2023 05:41

I agree with decluttering, if you offer it for free on Facebook you find people will collect.

Focus on getting one room
at a time right. Dedicate an hour or half an hour a night to a job e.g. ‘I’m going to spend half an hour on getting rid of outgrown clothes’

Try and work on getting the house to zero (don’t know why I call it this!) or getting it to a standard you’re happy with then work to get it back to that.

When mine were that young id do jobs around them e.g. tidy up the play dough as they watched CBeebies, clean the high chair and sweep under it whilst youngest played with a toy in the high chair.

I load the dishwasher a bit at a time. Do little and often so it doesn’t build up.