I've just ruined my career haven't I?

[hopesndrrm]

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

30-ish was when I gave up getting drunk, ever. I didn’t even like getting drunk, I just like wine and would end up having too much and then being mortified that I was loud and inappropriate. Since then I’ve only ever had 1 drink, 2 max on special occasions, and it’s great not having either the regret or a hangover.

Though looking back, I don’t think it was as terrible as it felt at the time and remember if everyone else is drunk too they probably don’t notice or remember much either. I think people pressurise others to drink a because they want everyone to be in the same boat and not judge them. So as PPs have said, have drinks that look like they could be alcohol to avoid the pressure.

i’m with PPs, it will blow over.

Sorry-you misunderstood. I wasn’t asking for a roll call. I was asking ‘how’ it worked in terms of objectives, mentoring, role modelling, assessments, reflective practice etc.

The clues were in the questions 😉

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Is the bar set so low now that everyone thinks this behaviour is either hilarious or normal … I’d suggest you get a grip and start taking some pride in yourself instead of acting like a drunken teenager.

😂😂😂😂

An OLD MAN? In his 50s? You're hilarious. 😂

That is what I was thinking, as a former trainer in the NHS who used to organise and co-ordinate student placements I was at a loss as to how this could be possible

He's in a position of authority, there's nothing for the MRA agenda there

Edited to add the comment I thought I had quoted because clearly I've forgotten how to post properly!

TravelInHope · Today 07:36

Mummymummy89 · Today 03:56

The team leader is absolutely the main person in the wrong here. Shockingly so
Yes. He is a man. Clearly it must be his fault.

Might be time for a bit of reflection on your codes of conduct and what that means in reality. When I trained this would have gone to fitness to practice if my practice educator had been made aware of it.

I haven't actually ever done anything I shouldn't at a work do - quite surprisingly, really, as I used to be a wild child - but my former (married, mid-50s, female) boss got absolutely hammered at one of our Xmas parties and snogged the postboy, who was about 18, in front of everyone. She went teetotal after that!

You haven't ruined your career and of course you have to go in on Monday - otherwise you might sabotage your career. Just style it out and say you just can't remember anything.

Sure. OP got drunk, played footsie, and its all her managers fault. Got it.

I have to say I make no judgment at all about OP as a person and I definitely err on the side of the debate which says the older male superviser was at fault more than OP, ignore any women on here who obviously spend December every year wondering what their high earning but faithfless husbands are getting up to at their Christmas-parties-on-repeat this month. I feel sorry for their juniors/team members, sure there are some with other agendas around their older colleagues but being coerced into drinking alcohol when you didn't want to (even said as much beforehand) and then being blamed by your own supervisor after the event is a perverse form of oldfashioned bullying. If we maintain that culture (prevalent in the 90s and 200s) then you might as well advise all juniors everywhere to outright refuse to attend Christmas parties and the letchy out-of-control midlife men can just lust after each other LOL!!

But seriously now, this bit from a previous poster does give me a bit of pause for thought " When I trained this would have gone to fitness to practice if my practice educator had been made aware of it."

I don't know what kind of social worker we are talking about here but social workers often work with vulnerable people with addictions (including addictions to alcohol) and social workers can be absolutely key and instrumental in decisions which are life changing for their clients (eg taking children away from alcoholics).

Its all very well multiple mumsnetters coming on saying:
"doctors/consultants/medicals students do this every day during Christmas" "medics are the biggest drinkers on the planet, work hard play hard hahahaha" etc

-but that does not cancel the question "why is it acceptable that such professionals can do that in a public space (a restaurant/bar) where their patients/clients might see them and the next day get up and make life changing decisions about their very own patients/clients".

There is something very wrong here. And to repeat the above,the first person in the firing line here is the 50 year old supervisor not the OP.

Like so many have said, front it out…don’t let anyone know you’re embarrassed, it’s fine as long as you’ve really learned your lesson from it and don’t repeat it. Just be glad you woke up at home fully clothed: it could have been so much worse. Maybe practice acting nonchalant in the mirror over the weekend xx

God that made me spit my tea out 😆

Its Xmas and its not a new thing I'm 50 now. and hasn't been on ,Wild Xmas night out for about 20 years
But I certainly remember some memorable when I was a young nurse
Its not ideal.but it happens

You are a student and you just learned a lesson that will be useful for the many years in your career when you will have to attend these parties.

Put it behind you, claim you can’t remember a thing and by Monday things won’t seem so bad.

Not the point of the threat at all, but what the hell is "eye fucking"? Is it some new and extremely coarse way of saying flirting, giving someone the glad eye?

In the old days, the works Christmas party was specifically for stuff like this: I remember once the lift doors opening to see a manager getting a blow job by a woman from another department while some other man was kissing the manager's (male) neck.

I was 24 at the time (I'm 57 now) and it was a government quango. Everyone carried on the next day as normal. Of course those who had misbehaved "Couldn't remember a thing about last night." was the standard line to be used the next morning...

I've posted this before but in the late 80s I once removed my blouse & bra and 'paraded' my topless self through a Christmas party in a ballroom (300 staff) before being eventually being covered up and escorted out by an older woman. A lot of people thought it was a hoot although my temp contract was swiftly ended at the start of the New Year!

Why? I was young, drunk, titproud, and had weeks before finished reading a biography on Tallulah Bankhead, who used to strip off at parties in the 1920s. For some drunken reason, I thought it would be a cool thing to do. 😁

Don't get me started on the 90s and all the coke going on in the toilets.

In that case, I suspect he is also feeling exactly the same sense of embarrassment and horror right now as you are and is worried about showing his face just like you're worried about showing yours.

My guess is that neither of you will ever speak of this ever again and that everything will be fine.

And a merry Christmas to you too.

@Charlize43 I've posted this before but in the late 80s I once removed my blouse & bra and 'paraded' my topless self through a Christmas party in a ballroom (300 staff) before being eventually being covered up and escorted out by an older woman.

I don’t know you from Adam but all of a sudden I want to be friends with you 🤣

He's the one with the problem, surely? You're only there on placement. Everyone's eyes would be on him, not you.

@Charlize43 Why? I was titproud.

🤣😂🤣😂😂

Style it out

Well.exactly as a young 25 year old nurse I had a one night stand with a student nurse on my ward he was 21 so not a massive age gap and had finished his placement anyway
Nobody saw anything as we had all booked hotel.rooms
But I was the subject of gossip for a few weeks not him.