I've just ruined my career haven't I?

[hopesndrrm]

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

I’ve asked specific questions later in the thread. Perhaps you’d be kind enough to answer them? Specifically with regards to the importance of role modelling as a social care professional?

( ps I’m deliberately ignoring your narky, defensive tone 😉)

I'm the same as you op, I behave stupidly when I drink. I gave it up. Just say to yourself that it doesn't matter, and you're not going to do it again. I actually stopped going to works parties, because I used to give in, when they encome to drink. Later I found out that they liked seeing me drunk, as I was funny?! So be aware of others intentions when asking you to drink. You will cringe a little at work, but that feeling will soon pass. Other things will happen, feeding the gossip machine and they'll forget all about you.

A 50-year-old is not "an old man" who is past the stage of having a career, sex, etc. Why would you think that?

Asking "why would you even be flirting with someone 20 years older /younger than you?" isnt the same as "what are you doing with that old man" which is clearly intended to insult the "old man" in question.

I am quite surprised at some of the replies here...

This is a young person who has worked from home most of the time and is inexperienced when it comes to being in the workplace and around these colleagues.

Your colleagues should have known better than push you to drink and the behaviour of the 50 year old team leader, a much experienced person who is in a position of power over you, is appalling and unacceptable.

Not to mention that as a married man he should obviously show some respect to his partner...

Frankly I am concerned that those are social workers who work on a daily basis with vulnerable people, including vulnerable women.

If I were you I would look at what happened between you blacking out and ending up in your home and raise it with HR.

People seem to be placing the blame and responsibility on you but this is totally unacceptable behaviour from a male manager.

Another one, what the hell are you talking about?

@Startingagainandagain your post is fine apart from - a ‘young person’? At 31? Really??

@hopesndrrm honestly I’d imagine most people were fucking hammered and either won’t have realised or will have forgotten. Learn from this and never again!

@Startingagainandagain She's 30!!!!!!

He’s sleazy and lecherous and if he says anything I’d be mentioning that he talked you into it and if there’s any ongoing problems you’ll be contacting your HR team.

TBH this is why after a couple of work’s Christmas do’s I stopped going on them. I don’t drink and I was embarrassed for the way some of my co workers got, it was easier not to be there (and have to rescue them from our grabby boss).

I can’t answer your questions as I’m not a SW professional- I just have a couple of friends who are.

There is no defensive tone as I’m not defending anything, just sharing personal knowledge, so right back atcha 🙂

Just do the English thing (I'm not from here by the way): Today when you bump into him act a bit embarrassed and privately tell him that last night you had way too many drinks, embarrassed yourself with your behaviour and offer your apologies, then go on with life like nothing happened. He's probably feeling the same way.

How do you know he talked her into it? Is it possible that he was just as pissed as her? Who started the 'eye fucking' and leg touching first? We don't know.
It's unfair to automatically paint him as a lecherous sleaze. He may be waking up the morning after full of the same fear & regret as she is.

OP... you'll be fine. Many a drunk thing happens on work parties but as others have said, learn from it and stick to your guns about not drinking with colleagues.

Ah right. So you know nothing about it then? Okaaay. As you were 😂

Been there done that, exactly the same sort of situation apart from mine was with a senior manager in a different department on the same floor who was very unattractive and rotund and my team worked closely with him, was awkward afterwards but after a few weeks the embarrassment will have dampened. Try not to think about it too much and if the team leader ever comes your way to discuss tell him straight you were very drunk and feel no way whatsoever about him. Ignore, power through, next year it'll be somebody else. Likelihood everybody else was at least tipsy if not drunk and can't remember much either.

Some of us can't handle our drink well and we need to learn to say no, me and you included. Just soldier on, you'll get through it. Lesson learned!

My old manager pissed in the sink at a quite posh venue and started dancing on the table absolutely sloshed. Week later everything was normal, but got to take any jabs in your stride and laugh it all off.

How does a trainee social worker 'work from home' effectively?

Howling 😂

I think this too!!!

My God if this is true I’m absolutely mortified for you, appalling behaviour at a work party.

Jesus wept, you asked about SW students who work from home, I said I know a few, what’s your issue?

50 is hardly old is it?

😂

What you've said is that your legs were touching ( under a table) and that you were eyefucking. I've not heard that phrase before but presumably it means gazing longingly at someone?
So it doesn't sound like you've actually done anything, unless those are euphemisms , and by legs touching you mean groping his knob!
Don't worry, as you can see by everyone else's stories, your evening was comparatively tame.

Geez, chill out. Your colleagues are dicks, you shouldn't have drunk that much but waking up fully clothed with a memory of making eyes and rubbing knees with your boss (much more his fault than yours) is not the worst thing.

You could have woken up to a memory of badmouthing people, actual sexual activity, vomiting on everyone, getting violent and lairy etc - you could have woken up in someone else's bed or in a police cell, tbh.

Next time don't drink so much. PLay it cool with your boss. Run yourself a nice hot bath and forget about it.

@littleannennt

an “old man” - the man is in his 50s?

issues with alcohol - getting pissed at a party?

give over Hun!

Hey OP. Been there in my twenties. I actually stopped going to work parties about 15 years ago when I hit thirty. Work and alcohol don't mix. I do drink but I don't do it with work colleagues and never get drunk, never mind black out drunk. One thing to remember is that not everyone is your friend. By that I mean, people will encourage you to drink with a malicious agenda, thinking 'oh I wonder if op will get drunk and do something stupid'. Be wary of colleagues. Remember that wolves wear sheep's clothing. Don't worry. This is a lesson learned. I think most people have got drunk and acted like a tit at a work do.

@jemenfous37

'' She's 30!!!!!!''

And he is a married man who is 20 years older and the leader of the team.

I am a 53 year old manager and I would never think that me preying on a much younger student on a placement is appropriate behaviour. Or anyone else for that matters.

I work with vulnerable adults and we also have a duty to show some basic common sense and behave appropriately with staff too.

Raise your standards...