I've just ruined my career haven't I?

[hopesndrrm]

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

You go in on Monday and find out exactly what happened. Then you deal with it. I got drunk at a work party and was collected by my 21 yo daughter. I am still the butt of many a joke at every work do 7 years later but not career ending.

As a student I’m sure your uni has told you the dangers of socialising with the team but that ships sailed so moving forward it’s the team leader who will be in trouble not you, the team should not have encouraged you to drink so they are in the wrong and the best course of action is to go to the uni and explain the circumstances as they will fight your corner, the uni may change your placement but that’s not a bad thing as the team and the team leader have overstepped the mark massively, feel free to message me, I’m a social worker and former dept rep at uni

Hah don't worry.

Our work Christmas do's have ended way worse over the years.

Broken bones. People being found passed out in certain places. Various vomiting/wetting themselves.

I imagine at every large company Xmas do there's at least one embarrassing event.

Just don't be it again.

This is why I have one drink and one only. Then it's enough for people to have seen you're not not drinking. So you don't get the whole "oh come on!" But also there's no fallout.

What’s done is done; put your big pants on & go in & face it out; if anyone brings it up say “I honestly should not have touched alcohol I’m not used to it & it always goes straight to my head; I knew I’d had too much; because I can’t remember much” then laugh it off. If you don’t remember you can’t be embarrassed; if the TL says anything tell him I wouldn’t have done that & I don’t believe you would either it would have out your jobs on the line; that should stop him in his tracks.

Walk onto your work area, and ask loudly, "How the fuck did I get home?".

Oh Dear. However bad you feel, I'd imagine your team leader feels worse. They also have a lot more to lose (reputation and Job wise) compared to you.
The good thing is SW's are the least likely to be judgemental about anyone fucking up. They know and accept that shit happens.
Forgive yourself and stay away from the booze on work nights.

First year at my job - one member of the team (there were a few of us who were knew).. go so drunk she had to be helped home ..

Roll forward 5 years and she got promotion.

It's a Christmas party! Don't sweat it.

One of my colleagues got so drunk at a work event celebrating a deal that she vommed all over the client 😭

Well at least you didn't wake up with him in your bed lol

It's fine. Honestly. I'm not mad impressed with a male TM flirting with a student SW on the team though, unprofessional. Badly done him. It's also awful to pressure someone into drinking who says they don't want to. The team are a bit shit really. It's scary to have blanks, is there anyone you trust to ask discreetly how you got home? Have you drank to oblivion before?

Ha ha, me too

Don’t avoid going in Monday, as then you will be talked about without being there which is worse. Just be embarrassed and apologise if you offended anyone, tell you’re boss you apologise wholeheartedly and only have vague memories

Such a specific example that I’m left wondering if you are referencing a particular incident … or just a random hypothetical ?

Your career is not over. I think everyone will have been the same as you, a lot of Christmas parties are raucous. Please try not to worry. It's unlikely anyone will even remember what happened.

I haven’t seen any ageism from the OP, she only said their ages 🤷🏻‍♀️. In fact I’d say she’s done the opposite of discriminate against someone due to age. 😁.

social workers are wild though. I doubt any of them will judge you for it. Unless you were a client of theirs in which case it’d be different.

This 1000%. And for the person who thinks you are an old man (or presumably in woman) in your 50s - wtaf?

This is genuinely a sold plan.

Totally own the fact you were rotten drunk. Laugh at yourself too. Get all the awkward done, accept you might be the butt of a few jokes for a while.

Definitely don't hide. Just walk in - and do what someone else said - omg we were sooo drunk, no idea how I got home - I'm not going out with you lot again, you're a bad influence - I've never been so drunk.

Spin it round as their fault ;-) (playfully like, but still keep up the - you guys are wild, you're such a bad influence, I've never been drunk like that etc)

Tbh I think u are being a bit dramatic. You’re not the first person this has happened to. Perhaps try and talk to someone that was there that might remember more than you. As soon as you go into work you will get a feel for what people are thinking-if anything at all. It’s possible that everyone else was really drunk too. I hope your drink wasn’t spiked.

Old? She said in his 50s! That's not old! Good grief

This is what they call a lesson. Hopefully you've learned from it. I'm amazed it's taken until you were 31. Or did it? Have you had this lesson before? More than once???

Learn from it, but don't beat yourself up over it. Go into work on Monday, or whenever you are back at work, be super nice to everyone and pretend nothing has happened. Including when you talk to the team leader. DO NOT have the "Did we do something we shouldn't have?" conversation. If nothing happened more than a few glances then you'll look a fool, and if it did happen then you're just bringing up something you probably both want to forget.

If anybody asks how your head is feeling, or comments that you looked like you were having a good time with X, just laugh and change the subject.

If X winks, or makes any comment about having really enjoyed the evening and getting to know, you just look at him completely blank and say you drank too much and don't remember anything.

And if this has happened before, which is why you didn't want to drink in the first place, then you have to remember than work and alcohol don't mix. If you know you're going to be under pressure, maybe make up a story beforehand so everybody knows you have to leave by 10pm.

This pressure to drink is ridiculous. One of my sons was pressured to drink on a works Christmas night out, but refused, explaining that he had a problem with binge drinking, once he started, so would rather not. The following week, he was hauled in for a disciplinary interview for not disclosing a drink problem on his application form, his direct supervisor had reported it. Luckily, he was very articulate, and wiped the floor with them. They had to back down and apologised.

This Life!

Good for him.

Sounds like a poisonous culture from all sides. Who pressurises a young man to drink when he doesn't want to, and then chooses to get their own back when he says no by doing that?

That said, it sounds like he knows his own head and can handle himself, which are two traits to be proud of.