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Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
Littlewhitecat · 15/12/2023 11:39

And this is exactly why I never drink alcohol with work colleagues

I do find it worrying that someone who is a trainee social worker and therefore presumably an adult is being let off the hook for her behaviour and it's all the (old!) man's fault. Neither of you have showered yourselves with glory.

Sensibleandboring · 15/12/2023 11:44

I don't think you have made a tit of yourself. Starting a new job is hard, social work is hard. Your boss has more to be embarrassed about honestly. Breathe through it and just brazen it out, you'll be fine, and lols, the chair swapping sounds quite funny. 😅

MoisturiseYourMoose · 15/12/2023 11:47

Aintnosupermum · 15/12/2023 02:39

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

You are fine. Learn from it. One drink and the rest do ginger ale in a champagne glass or soda with a slice of lime after ordering vodka soda with lime. Leave every event at 9pm, no later.

This. But also, @Aintnosupermum ,😂😂😂at your example.

OP, we've all done stupid stuff in our time. I totally understand why you feel like this but unless there's something major that you've forgotten, I think you'll be just fine.

Try not to worry today and I bet things feel brighter tomorrow, when the hangover/fear has passed.

x2boys · 15/12/2023 11:50

Littlewhitecat · 15/12/2023 11:39

And this is exactly why I never drink alcohol with work colleagues

I do find it worrying that someone who is a trainee social worker and therefore presumably an adult is being let off the hook for her behaviour and it's all the (old!) man's fault. Neither of you have showered yourselves with glory.

It wss a Xmas party I know this is mumsnet and anything more then a sweet sherry makes someone an alcoholic
But in real.life ,Professional, s and Trainee Professional ,s are allowed to drink and let their hair down particularly at Xmas
No the behavior wasn't ideal
But they were off duty and they were not doing anything illegal
I'm sure they can still be professional in the workplace and continue to do a good job.

DriftingDora · 15/12/2023 11:53

icallitasplodge · 15/12/2023 04:00

social workers are wild though. I doubt any of them will judge you for it. Unless you were a client of theirs in which case it’d be different.

😂

beanontoast · 15/12/2023 12:03

I mean you're a student so there's a difference in authority here, if anything he's probably the one shitting it hoping nobody saw him flirting with the placement student

beanontoast · 15/12/2023 12:04

Littlewhitecat · 15/12/2023 11:39

And this is exactly why I never drink alcohol with work colleagues

I do find it worrying that someone who is a trainee social worker and therefore presumably an adult is being let off the hook for her behaviour and it's all the (old!) man's fault. Neither of you have showered yourselves with glory.

Can only assume you don't have any professionals in your social circles then as lawyers, doctors etc are the worst for this kind of thing. Drinking, drugs, smoking, affairs, the lot. But of course the snobbery only comes when it's a profession usually comprised of young women.

DonnaBanana · 15/12/2023 12:13

You are not responsible for things you do when you're that drunk, so while it might seem embarrassing in retrospect it's not your fault and it wasn't really "you"

moomoomoo27 · 15/12/2023 12:13

It's not a big deal, loads of people have been in that situation. The alcohol come down is making you worry more about it than is needed, that's all.

Probably you'll go back to work and either no one will say anything or people will grin and say you were the life of the party and wasn't it a good night.

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/12/2023 12:20

TickTickTock · 15/12/2023 06:18

We're often based from home these days, but we still go out on visits, and/or take calls on the duty service etc. :)
Hope that clears up the mystery

Show quote history

As students?
I can understand fully qualified social workers working from home but surely students need supervision?

TickTickTock · 15/12/2023 12:32

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/12/2023 12:20

As students?
I can understand fully qualified social workers working from home but surely students need supervision?

Show quote history

Yep, it all changed after lockdown..students still get supervision by going out on visits with others at first, then they build up to having some of their own (less complex) cases but their work is overseen in 1:1 meetings and group forums etc. they will be in regular contact with their supervisor and practice educator. It's not as good for learning as being in the office all the time, but it is the new normal sadly

xILikeJamx · 15/12/2023 12:37

It'll be fine - don't worry about it. Most people have made a tit of themselves on a night out at some point, and an office Christmas night out seems to be the preferred option for doing so!

Chances are everyone else was pissed as well and have similar recollections of the evening.

Goatymum · 15/12/2023 12:38

littleannennt · 15/12/2023 03:05

Why are you flirting with an old man? Weird and yes, embarrassing.
You are immature and possibly have an issue with booze/boundaries/people pleasing and self esteem.
But honestly, it was a drunken mistake, you're not the first, you won't be the last to make a tit of themselves at a works night out - it's practically the law that someone has to.
Just don't do it again, you've had your turn.

50 isn’t an ‘old man’ - how bloody rude! Maybe you meant to say ‘older’

Astrak · 15/12/2023 12:39

You haven't ruined your career. The Senior Social Worker behaved in a highly-unprofessional manner. He may or may not remember it.
Moral of the story is to stick to minimum alcohol intake at any similar event. Perhaps discuss it with your academic tutor and see what is their take on it.
Social work can be a highly stressful job. I used running as a way to de-stress, as it created endorphins and put work-related stress in proportion.
Good luck and enjoy your upcoming career.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/12/2023 13:10

You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes.
This will be old news in a few days time.
"OP was shitfaced at the Xmas Do"
"The way you were all plying me with drinks - I'm sure I'm not the first and I won't be the last! (Laugh)
End of. As long as you learn from it.

I guess you can take comfort in the fact that awful though they were to ply you with drinks ( and I can understand the pressure ) they got you home safe and in one piece.

You need to have a plan for the next time. How to navigate these events without getting shit faced and passing out. But also, think about how to be more assertive with colleagues who are pressing drinks on you. Its no good trying to be nice and giving excuses that they demolish and allowing them to make you feel stupid or a party pooper. Eff that. At that point you have to get up and buy your own non alc drink... and always eat before you go to these things .

a222 · 15/12/2023 13:13

do you like him? and would you like a promotion? lol ;)

in all seriousness nothing will be mentioned, he knows if he says anything he will be in trouble with his wife, so why would he?

also as far as blacking out, i’ve done it a fair bit and honestly you’re on autopilot, without anyone egging you on to do something dumb i doubt you will have.

maroo · 15/12/2023 13:14

@hopesndrrm I hope you are ok. You say you blacked out and can't remember getting home, which must feel quite scary. Have you ever had memory loss from drinking before?

Ofcourseshecan · 15/12/2023 13:40

OP, I haven’t read the whole thread. Just wanted to say I hope you’ll soon be laughing about this mishap. Just go into work on Monday and say something like “What a hangover I had! Thanks, whoever got me home. I’m not used to drinking much. Hope I didn’t do anything awful!”

But watch out for the TL. He should have behaved better.

Devonshiregal · 15/12/2023 13:54

alohaa · 15/12/2023 03:47

Sorry but I laughed at how earnest your rant was! I think the ageism was more with regards to 50 year olds eye fucking a young woman, than them existing in the workplace

Show quote history

She’s not a young woman. She’s a thirty whatever year old woman. She’s able to drive, have sex, give birth, raise children, adopt or foster, be a doctor, fight in wars, fly planes, run for government. She could do any of these things and be taken seriously but a “50 year old” is not to look at her? Give over honestly. You’re ageist. He’s married - THAT’s the issue.

caringcarer · 15/12/2023 14:02

I think you go in on Monday and say you can't remember anything. Just learn from it.

littleannennt · 15/12/2023 16:15

@Goatymum I’m 50’s - when I was just out of my 20’s people were considered dirty old men if they were in their 50’s.
I don’t think the world is so different.
A married men in his 50’s making sex eyes and rubbing up a much younger colleague is a dirty old man in my opinion even when I’m in my 50’s.

millymog11 · 15/12/2023 16:24

"A married men in his 50’s making sex eyes and rubbing up a much younger colleague is a dirty old man in my opinion even when I’m in my 50’s"

Most men in their 50s who are sober know this.

However once they have a high salary and/or a lot of power in the workplace AND they are drunk, then the reality that they are just dirty old men goes out of the window and they are the silver fox they always hoped they would be....

Lurkermumofadults · 16/12/2023 17:47

At one of our Christmas dos, one of the senior managers told a new employee in his team she would "look good on the end of his knob". Unbelievably he didn't lose his job and they continued to work together for a few years - another year he took his trousers down! Another girl passed out in the toilets and wet herself, was saved by another member of staff breaking the door down. She carried on at work like nothing had happened. Just carry on like you have no memory of anything whatsoever.

wasdarknowblond · 16/12/2023 17:47

I think you should feel hugely embarrassed. Social workers are human like anyone else but frankly your behaviour was awful. You should have known better if you are on placement. As for the ageism, I would have thought as a student SW you of all people should know not to discriminate.

Dwab · 16/12/2023 17:48

If you panic like that, do you think social work is for you?

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