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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my 7 year old walk to his friend's house alone

257 replies

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:08

My 7 year old (8 next month) is desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house for a pre arranged play date. Friend lives less than 5 minutes walk away. There is one road to cross (20mph speed limit with pedestrian crossing that he knows how to use).

I'm keen to let him to do this but my friend was horrified that I might allow this. Am
I totally out of touch with what is reasonable?

OP posts:
Nameandgamechange123 · 15/12/2023 05:49

I left my children walk places from an early age-it really helped them to grow their confidence. Why not secretly follow him the first few times and see how he goes?
You have to start letting kids do stuff eventually!!

garlictwist · 15/12/2023 05:58

I think it's fine. I would be happy with this.

CostedStrikeRate · 15/12/2023 06:10

I was getting buses alone at 8, but it was the 1980s.

Simonjt · 15/12/2023 06:14

Yeah thats fine, we have an eight year old and he walks to school, friends houses and the park on his own, its fine.

Sugarfree23 · 15/12/2023 06:18

It's 5 mins, I'd be fine with it. If you're really concerned you could get one of those kids phone watches.

Are they allowed to play out together?

margotrose · 15/12/2023 06:23

Of course it's fine. Kids walk to and from school alone at age eight around here Confused

ThreeLocusts · 15/12/2023 06:24

This thread makes me think of the recent studies that suggest a correlation between kids' ever shrinking radius of independent action and their declining mental health.

It's a dilemma, traffic is more dangerous than ever but kids need the sense of achievement that comes with acting independently.

Maybe talk this over with friend's mum? I'd have been nervous to do this and maybe I'd sneak out after him. But if you think that the route is OK, let him, making sure frien calls you to confirm arrival.

Hollyhead · 15/12/2023 06:30

Going against the grain, I would but I would practice with you walking 10m behind first.

Humphhhh · 15/12/2023 06:32

Tilllly · 14/12/2023 23:26

No

No matter how good they are with crossings etc, they have no coping strategies if anything happens

What will he do if 2 teenagers get into a fight near him?
Or a stray dog is aggressive?
Or there's a road traffic collision nearby

Etc etc

How would they learn coping strategies? All of those things could happen at any point before they're an adult.

Hollyhead · 15/12/2023 06:34

This thread is a perfect example of why our teens are developing such poor mental health. Of course a NT 7/8 year old is developmentally ready to learn to use a pedestrian crossing and trusted to use it safely. You have to give kids agency otherwise they end up feeling useless and terrified of the world!

WarningOfGails · 15/12/2023 06:37

MN is bonkers about children having any independence.

its really good for children to have some independence like you describe. Totally appropriate.

tokesqueen · 15/12/2023 06:40

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:26

For clarity, we live in a rural area, very safe. I guess I remember doing similar at his age and think I should be allowing him to become more independent but maybe not! It's no bother to walk him there myself, but i don't just want to say no without giving the idea due consideration.

Sarah Payne was snatched in a rural area.
Not even worth the hypothetical 0.1% risk.

Shadowsindarkplaces · 15/12/2023 06:44

Hollyhead · 15/12/2023 06:34

This thread is a perfect example of why our teens are developing such poor mental health. Of course a NT 7/8 year old is developmentally ready to learn to use a pedestrian crossing and trusted to use it safely. You have to give kids agency otherwise they end up feeling useless and terrified of the world!

This! No wonder Child Mental health services are so inundated.

BabaYagasLittleSister · 15/12/2023 06:48

No. Has everyone forgotten Sarah Payne? How would a seven year old defend himself if someone was to try and take him?

SutWytTi · 15/12/2023 06:50

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:26

For clarity, we live in a rural area, very safe. I guess I remember doing similar at his age and think I should be allowing him to become more independent but maybe not! It's no bother to walk him there myself, but i don't just want to say no without giving the idea due consideration.

'I remember doing similar' is not relevant, really.

The world has changed - there were far fewer cars when you were young.

I would just say 'independence comes in stages, it won't be long before you're walking around on your own, but not just yet'.

Seeleyboo · 15/12/2023 06:52

Between 9 and 10 are the ages of the developing brain to judge speed and how long they have to cross.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 06:53

I always find these threads really odd because kids around here walk to and from school, the shops and the bus at that age without being accompanied by anyone.

viktoria · 15/12/2023 06:56

I'm amazed... we live in London and we let our DS walk by himself to the corner shop at age 8.

Humphhhh · 15/12/2023 06:57

BabaYagasLittleSister · 15/12/2023 06:48

No. Has everyone forgotten Sarah Payne? How would a seven year old defend himself if someone was to try and take him?

You absolutely cannot live your life fearful of being abducted. Cars, yes that's a very real risk that children HAVE to be taught to navigate safely. But being snatched off the street in broad daylight?

0.1% of children in the UK is around 1,200 kids. Have 1,200 children been abducted off the street by a stranger in the past year?

Jifmicroliquid · 15/12/2023 06:59

Can you compromise and say he can walk ahead but you will follow him?
My mum used to watch me cross the road to my friends house until I was about 9 or 10.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 15/12/2023 06:59

It totally depends on your child, the traffic and the area. None of which we know.

I would have let one if my children do this but not the other.

Thatswhy11 · 15/12/2023 07:02

No OP. Its not the road safety it's the fact someone strange could happen to him.. what if someone approached him? Living in a rural area is worse too!

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2023 07:02

Absolutely 100% not.

7 is much too young to be out and about alone. Never mind the road. At that age their brains simply don’t have the capacity to appreciate that actions have consequences so if the mood took him to take a detour or go for a walk to the shop or playground he might well do it.

Also what would he do if something out of the ordinary happened, like a car crash, loose animal, or someone odd approaching him?

Plus I have seen so many kids of that age neatly get run over when not fully concentrating- sensible ones too.

Ducksurprise · 15/12/2023 07:03

Yes I would

No wonder so many children have anxieties when parents have such a catastrophic mindset.

somewhereovertherain · 15/12/2023 07:06

Wonderwoman333 · 14/12/2023 23:33

No, this is far too young, this would be irresponsible parenting

This post shows just how fucked the Uk is.

It’s pretty normal in most of the world and definitely not irresponsible parenting. If anything it’s more irresponsible to not let them do it.

personally it’d be no issue for me or our kids.

and if anyone posts stranger danger it’s utter bollocks the most dangerous people to your kids are you and your family & friends. Most abuse etc is close friends and family.