Page 39 | DP’s ex making my child’s birth about her children.

mikka404 · 2023-12-14T15:33:22+00:00

I had a pretty traumatic labour with DD (12days old) and was hoping for at least a week without the step kids (SD4, SS3) staying over nights so that I had time to heal and process becoming a new mum, as well as soak in some quality bonding time just DP, DD and I before becoming a bigger family. We have them twice a week for dinner until their bedtime and every weekend either friday-saturday or saturday-sunday. DD was born on saturday 2nd, and off the bat DP’s ex tried kicking off saying we were in the wrong for telling my grandparents and his brother before telling the kids that she had been born. We then had them over after school on the Monday to meet her—this was met with a comment about how DP didn’t want to actually see his kids, he just wanted them over so he could post photos of them with the baby. Keep in mind this is still not even a week after DDs birth, we had SD and SS stay with us Thursday-Sunday. They were both ill with the flu which meant I was on edge the entire time with all the coughing and sneezing around my then 5 day old baby. Not only this, my SD and SS are not the best behaved—it’s mostly problems with listening and so when told to stop getting in the babies face or waving their hands around/kicking their feet/playing rough around her I am repeating myself continuously. 3 times SD hit DD in the face from messing around which lead me to snap at her, walk off with DD, and breakdown into tears…. As usual, we had them over for dinner on the wednesday, only to then have to have them over night again because their mother was “stuck in traffic” (both DP and i checked and there was no traffic). I feel exhausted and as if I have had no time to really rest. I’m grateful for DP, his two weeks off he has done almost all housework and cooked the majority of meals. But just that first week of having them the 4 days has knocked me. Entertaining two toddlers and navigating new motherhood is taking it toll. Rant over… I think what I’m trying to ask is AIBU for feeling this way? Is this something I should have expected and should just suck up?

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:41

Drip feed on MN is basically “I didn’t put my life story in the OP because who wants to read a 3,000 word essay, so I added some bits afterwards for context” and people act like it’s the height of deception 🤣🤣

TreacleMines · 15/12/2023 22:43

Tandora · 15/12/2023 16:43

Did I say that??
although my eldest is 4 and I’ve certainly never had a week off 😂. I don’t think I’m remotely unusual in that respect.

Show quote history

I’ve never had more that 24 hours off in nearly 10 years… and mine is home educated so I don’t even have school hours off.

My best friend has had one night away from her children in 10 years- from 4pm to 8am.

Basically all the mums I know are the same- my sister, cousins, friends- none of them have anyone to have their children for a week, even if they were inclined to leave them for that long.

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:45

Where are those medals? Anyone seen my mummy martyr medals? I need to hand them out ASAP!

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:46

I’ve been on 3 abroad hen do’s since my first was born 10 years ago, and numerous weekends away. No way am I raising kids to think I only live to serve them. It’s good for kids to see you have a life of your own

Panaa · 15/12/2023 22:49

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:41

Drip feed on MN is basically “I didn’t put my life story in the OP because who wants to read a 3,000 word essay, so I added some bits afterwards for context” and people act like it’s the height of deception 🤣🤣

No a drip feed is when people post about something relatively minor or something where people can see both sides......and then when they don't get the responses they want they keep adding on worse and worse information and more serious stuff.

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:51

Panaa · 15/12/2023 22:49

No a drip feed is when people post about something relatively minor or something where people can see both sides......and then when they don't get the responses they want they keep adding on worse and worse information and more serious stuff.

Edited

Show quote history

I know what the MN definition of drip feed is thanks but in reality people use it as a weapon to beat the OP with when actually an OP can’t put every minutiae of information in the OP because no one would read it

Shutthefookup · 15/12/2023 22:53

What a dreadful thread response by so many nitpicking and shaming every minutiae detail of OP's life when she was clearly asking for very obvious support as a new mother who merely wanted a few days with her first baby.

I'm sorry @mikka404 you have received such a disgusting response and I speak as a step mother and second wife who's husband had 100% custody of his two young children. I was lucky that after the difficult birth of my first child which knocked me for six, I had my DM and a MIL on hand to help manage my SC for a few weeks until I was up and about. I would not have had that essential bonding time or patience to master breastfeeding otherwise.

As women we should be supporting each other not step parent bashing for the sake of it. OP has stated she adores her partner's children yet merely sought to have, very naturally, a few days respite after giving birth.

Give her a break.

Tandora · 15/12/2023 22:55

a new mum who by unfortunate accounts is also a step mum

also lolling at this. “By unfortunate accounts” she happens to also be a step mum? it’s giving “she just slipped, fell, landed on his ”…

I imagine OP was aware that her partner had DC when she decided to partner and have a baby with him?

Panaa · 15/12/2023 22:55

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 22:51

I know what the MN definition of drip feed is thanks but in reality people use it as a weapon to beat the OP with when actually an OP can’t put every minutiae of information in the OP because no one would read it

Show quote history

No one expects every minutiae of information, just the important relevant stuff that provides context.

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:03

Shutthefookup · 15/12/2023 22:53

What a dreadful thread response by so many nitpicking and shaming every minutiae detail of OP's life when she was clearly asking for very obvious support as a new mother who merely wanted a few days with her first baby.

I'm sorry @mikka404 you have received such a disgusting response and I speak as a step mother and second wife who's husband had 100% custody of his two young children. I was lucky that after the difficult birth of my first child which knocked me for six, I had my DM and a MIL on hand to help manage my SC for a few weeks until I was up and about. I would not have had that essential bonding time or patience to master breastfeeding otherwise.

As women we should be supporting each other not step parent bashing for the sake of it. OP has stated she adores her partner's children yet merely sought to have, very naturally, a few days respite after giving birth.

Give her a break.

As women we should be supporting other women....

Like not disrespecting your DPs ex and her parenting skills? Not saying two evenings a one day a weekend is 50/50 parenting?

Original poster

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:09

@Goodlard again, i said the free time she gets, not the time each have the children in their care.

OP posts:

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:12

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:09

@Goodlard again, i said the free time she gets, not the time each have the children in their care.

I admire you with a new born still posting at give midnight as a new mum.

I suggest you get some rest.

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 23:15

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:12

I admire you with a new born still posting at give midnight as a new mum.

I suggest you get some rest.

Show quote history

Really?

I remember those early days as never being asleep, feeding the baby was perfect internet time! And a good distraction from the tiredness

Panaa · 15/12/2023 23:16

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:09

@Goodlard again, i said the free time she gets, not the time each have the children in their care.

You said to me that
i’ve done the math and in terms of hours looking after the children, it is near 50-50, like i said. granted, it’s not 50-50 in terms of overnights but that’s only because it’s not possible with his working hours.

Original poster

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:16

@LeaveBritneyAlone they’re deflecting because i keep calling out that the point they’re making is irrelevant as it has nothing to do with what i said 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:21

@Panaa “granted, it’s not 50-50 in terms of overnights”

i am aware that it’s not a full 50/50 custodial on paper. but i have stated a million times that i was originally referring to their free time. it was multiple others who brought up 50/50 in terms of care. in which, it is near 50/50 because we have them a lot more than the arranged times (that she put in place the moment he moved out, not him like so many people have assumed).

OP posts:

Panaa · 15/12/2023 23:24

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:21

@Panaa “granted, it’s not 50-50 in terms of overnights”

i am aware that it’s not a full 50/50 custodial on paper. but i have stated a million times that i was originally referring to their free time. it was multiple others who brought up 50/50 in terms of care. in which, it is near 50/50 because we have them a lot more than the arranged times (that she put in place the moment he moved out, not him like so many people have assumed).

But you said in your OP that We have them twice a week for dinner until their bedtime and every weekend either friday-saturday or saturday-sunday.

Original poster

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:32

@Panaa because that is what the agreed arrangement is supposed to me. i have also said in other posts that i wasn’t aware i had to dispute every minute detail.

OP posts:

Shutthefookup · 15/12/2023 23:32

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:12

I admire you with a new born still posting at give midnight as a new mum.

I suggest you get some rest.

Show quote history

@Goodlard What a patronising, unnecessary comment.

@mikka404 - you could be Maria in Sound of Music and this bitchy lot with would be critical. You crack on as you are. Personally I feel you are handling what is obviously a difficult and petty ex and step parenting with the patience of a saint. Your DP needs to perhaps formalise the access arrangements to stop ex wife being quite so manipulative.

After being on Mumsnet for the last year, I've realised that it can attract some rather bitter types who seem to have nothing better to do than criticise others.

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:33

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:21

@Panaa “granted, it’s not 50-50 in terms of overnights”

i am aware that it’s not a full 50/50 custodial on paper. but i have stated a million times that i was originally referring to their free time. it was multiple others who brought up 50/50 in terms of care. in which, it is near 50/50 because we have them a lot more than the arranged times (that she put in place the moment he moved out, not him like so many people have assumed).

Your DH does not give up 50% of his time!

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:34

@Shutthefookup about like the OP is criticising her DHs ex?

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:35

@LeaveBritneyAlone yeah really, you tho k arguing on MN is a good distraction...

Really?

Tandora · 15/12/2023 23:35

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:16

@LeaveBritneyAlone they’re deflecting because i keep calling out that the point they’re making is irrelevant as it has nothing to do with what i said 🤷🏻‍♀️

you havent explained:

what on earth you mean by 50/50 “free time” - do you mean they each have equal child free time?!
if so, how could this be the case when - according to your own statements- mum does roughly 85% of the childcare?!
How could you even know how much “free time” mum has and what on earth is this calculation is based on?

Your statements just aren’t credible.

SecondUsername4me · 15/12/2023 23:36

mikka404 · 15/12/2023 23:21

@Panaa “granted, it’s not 50-50 in terms of overnights”

i am aware that it’s not a full 50/50 custodial on paper. but i have stated a million times that i was originally referring to their free time. it was multiple others who brought up 50/50 in terms of care. in which, it is near 50/50 because we have them a lot more than the arranged times (that she put in place the moment he moved out, not him like so many people have assumed).

What do you mean "free time"???

Any moment they are not with their dad, they are the mums responsibility. So is she actually having free time?

Every overnight, bar the one per week they are at yours.
every day they are at school - it'll be her the school rings to collect them when sick. Her who takes a day off work when they can't go in. every breakfast bar one* each week.
every day during the holidays.
she has to be in her own home overnight 6 nights a week because her children are asleep in it.
she would need to book a babysitter for any nights out that fall on 6 of the 7 days of the week

In what way is what your dp does half of her free time?!

Shutthefookup · 15/12/2023 23:38

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 23:34

@Shutthefookup about like the OP is criticising her DHs ex?

Yes any normal person would. The ex wife sounds a bloody nightmare. OP and her partner have offered to have full care of the children. The ex wife is weaponising the children, despite being in a new relationship with a baby on the way.

@Goodlard What is your gripe fgs?