To think this is a case of sour grapes?

[Diaria]

Woman believes that childless women pick up the slack for working Mums….

Reading this, she sounds bitter, sour and traumatised by her prior fertility battle and failed relationship.

She worked in retail; it is of course mental and draining around Christmas time.

Essentially, the argument is that childless women are forgotten and mothers get all these perks along the way like total exhaustion but I digress…

She even goes so far as to complain about mothers having a paid maternity leave (often a pittance) and complains about her having to save £500 a month and not being given a free holiday…… maternity isn’t hopping around Thailand and most mothers couldn’t afford to save £500 a month!!

Anyway, I have no patience for this… but discuss.

I quit because I can't bear picking up the slack for working mums

https://mol.im/a/12860533

Yes, you were - but for a short time. Those without children face this every single year of their whole working life, so not the same.

As a young childfree woman I didn’t mind as I knew I wanted children myself one day so kind of “pay it forward”. That said I never went back after Mat leave then set up my own business so never did get to piss off colleagues with my childcare responsibilities

Most of the article is bollocks but I have experienced a lot of pressure to pick up extra work, change annual leave, work over Christmas and other pressures because I don't have kids.

We used to work two shift patterns in another job covering between 8 and 8. I was ask to work permanent lates so someone else could work permanent earlies because she had kids and they were shocked when I said no. It wasn't even put round the team to find a solution, I was picked out first because there was an automatic assumption I'd agree.

Why should I never get to have a whole evening to myself because I didn't have children?

Christmas and summer annual leave is another sore point. One workplace tried to impose that school holiday leave was only permitted for those with children. Fuck off!

Now I try not to take much leave during school holidays because I'd rather be off in term time but if I want to do anything with teacher friends or those with kids I have to take leave then.

So yeah that bit does piss me off because I'm expected to bend and compromise more than others and am then treated poorly if I say no and it's unfair.

Are we honestly expected to believe that in the workplace childless women are specifically targeted? Or is it the case, in this instance, that someone is so envious they imagine a rose tinted existence and lots of good experiences they’re missing out on.

Given she’s had fertility issues I’m guessing there are a lot of emotions stirred up in her article. I struggled for decades to have children - it utterly messes with your head and heart.

I imagine her life hasn’t turned out as she hoped and thinks there are a lot of experiences she’s missed out on, while also dealing with an unwritten expectation that she bends to facilitate other women having those experiences that she would love to have.

I saw the article and thought 'boo hoo'. Talk about self pity and, yes, sour grapes.

She must be in a privileged position to just be able to quit her job as well.

@Lifeasiknowitisout - yes, I did say in the post you quoted that it was a management issue 😉

But my point is that you can see why people get pissed off. I'm never going to have children but that shouldn't mean I spend my working life covering for those who do.

Again, I know it's a workplace/management issue but you can see why people get resentful when it happens year after year after year.

I don’t get this thinking.

People without kids also often, don’t come in for a whole list of reasons. Some ridiculous. It’s weird that people think that working mums are never picking the slack up for those people.

I worked in call centres for years. You picked a Christmas bank holiday to work and you generally got what you asked for, 4 years in a row only a couple of people turned up on New Year’s Day, to find only a couple of others had. Usually those with kinds who had spent the night before getting hammered. It happened more weekends as well in smaller numbers.

The ones who didn’t have kids had been out drinking, knowing they needed to work the next day because they opted for Christmas off. Didn’t occur to me to start say ‘oh childless people are pushing me out of my job because they go out get hammered with no thought about us picking up their slack tomorrow’

Never occurred to me to blame people who don’t have kids as a whole. It’s just is what it is. We all end up with more on us because someone else has turned up. And it’s not always parents that are causing the lost issues.

Click bait troll, wouldn't give it a moment's thought.

I am sort of seeing some of her points regarding picking up the slack at this time of year. This is the first time I've had to work over Christmas as I'm in a new role. Now I do have a child but mine is older (almost 16 so I don't need childcare) and I booked a couple of days off over new year but someone asked if I could swap because they don't have any childcare (they have a younger child). I sort of felt pressured into it to be honest. At my last job it wasn't an issue because the business closed for Christmas so we all got the same time off.

I did have kids and spent plenty of my career covering for people not coming, who also don’t have kids.

and covering for those that do. People seem to think those without kids turn up all the time, doo their hours, always work efficiently, always work well.

There’s many reasons we all end up picking up the slack for someone else. It’s swings and roundabouts. And if it’s not and it’s always on you, it’s not the parents fault. Just like it’s not all people without children’s fault, some people without children used to phone is sick with hangover every other Monday at my last employer.

I can’t see why people get pissed off with the parent for a problem their employer is causing. It’s bizarre.

@Lifeasiknowitisout I think because, in many cases, the parents don't acknowledge that they're getting preferential treatment - in fact, my experience is that they often demand certain days off and think it should be their right to have that time with their kids.

So yes, it's a management issue in many ways but it's also an entitled parent issue too.

I'm sure there are tough parts and privilege to each side of having/ not having kids. The article is obviously trying to provoke a reaction.

She's airing her complaints, but it cuts both ways. In the last month or so on Mumsnet, I've seen at least 5 different posts or threads where childless women have been described as bitter, sour, jealous of families, baby stealers, lacking empathy, clueless about children etc.

As someone who is childless not by choice, I'm envious of mothers and their position, especially around Christmas 😢

not resentful of women without kids, just feel they are really very privileged and free in some ways (though if they want kids that’s another story).

But you saying that childfree are privileged and free shows you do resent them.

Yes I agree. It's the sense of expectation and entitlement from some that winds me up.

Like it's not even a discussion that their needs take priority.

Weak management is mostly to blame but then if your manager also wants to take advantage of that expectation then why would they challenge it.

not resentful of women without kids, just feel they are really very privileged

This comment alone tells me everything I need to know about you OP. It's not the women without children who need to be checking their privilege.

I don’t think it’s sour grapes, I think it’s more a lack of understanding. Pre-baby I did hate having to do extra to pick up the slack from working mums - they would leave work at the drop of a hat because one of their kids was sick, needed endless time off etc and I do believe that until you have kids (I hate that saying so I’m sorry) it’s hard to understand.
I used to be internally raging that a mum would get a week off work with sick kids (not impacting her holiday allowance) while I’d have to do double as she’s off on short notice - but now I fully empathise. My partner is self employed and earns more so they days off sick fall to me.
Some of it is down to management too - most places operate on a skeleton staff these days so having one person off really does impact those that are left.

lol to parental leave when the child is ill. She sounds bitter and jeleaous.

@Lifeasiknowitisout I think because, in many cases, the parents don't acknowledge that they're getting preferential treatment - in fact, my experience is that they often demand certain days off and think it should be their right to have that time with their kids.

not sure where people work but it certainly is not may experience. I never got special treatment over Xmas or so just because I am a mum (and I never expected it either). Workplaces rarely work like that!

Theres no easy answer - well retail would be going back to shops actually being shut more often/shorter hours to reduce need to work on holidays/weekends/evenings.
My biggest bug bear is parental leave at the moment- both enhanced maternity leave and paternity leave - the paternity leave is hard to cover as the person can take it pretty much whenever they like and its hard to push back (and of course management doesn't provide cover) - and whilst I like the fact that its evened things out a lot gender wise at our place its still frustrating as a manager/having to provide cover- it feels more ageist for me though-I'm too old to have had the benefit of this and i just feel the pain

lol in the article when she complains of being tired you have to idea. Sounds like her workplace needs more staff more than anything rather than expecting part timers to do a full time job.

It’s down to lack of decent, affordable childcare in this country as well. There doesn’t seem to be an appetite in the U.K. to pay more tax and have a scandi style system where there’s affordable, state run long day/out of hours childcare and incentives for dads to take time off for childcare emergencies too; but children still need cared for so if it’s all cobbled together then someone has to cover when it falls apart like a pp said. If you don’t want to contribute to a better countrywide/meta system to raise the next generation that’s of course a valid choice, but then lots of people get personally affected on an individual level when there’s no safety net for working mums so they need the time off.

It’s galling when child free people are left feeling like they have to pick up the slack, but I see that as a fault of a government which doesn’t value mothers or the next generation, not as a fault of the individual working mums frantically trying to do their best in all areas they’re having to manage alone.

I was going to say this. Her problem isn't working mums, it's working in retail.

Unfortunately it's always been my experience in retail.

Another bugbear. 'You have no concept of tired if you don't have kids'.

Honestly, when parents say this there is usually a collective eye roll. You sound insufferable.

People are tired for lots of reasons.

Also, childless people do know what love is, they don't have less empathy and they do have responsibilities.

It's been my experience across a number of industries and workplaces.