Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a case of sour grapes?

402 replies

Diaria · 14/12/2023 04:40

Woman believes that childless women pick up the slack for working Mums….

Reading this, she sounds bitter, sour and traumatised by her prior fertility battle and failed relationship.

She worked in retail; it is of course mental and draining around Christmas time.

Essentially, the argument is that childless women are forgotten and mothers get all these perks along the way like total exhaustion but I digress…

She even goes so far as to complain about mothers having a paid maternity leave (often a pittance) and complains about her having to save £500 a month and not being given a free holiday…… maternity isn’t hopping around Thailand and most mothers couldn’t afford to save £500 a month!!

Anyway, I have no patience for this… but discuss.

I quit because I can't bear picking up the slack for working mums

https://mol.im/a/12860533

I quit because I can't bear picking up the slack for working mums

Having often felt obliged to fill in for mums who called in sick, and having worked every Boxing Day for 20 years, Samantha Walsh, 47, handed in her notice at the end of October and has no regrets.

https://mol.im/a/12860533

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
InvisibleBuffy · 14/12/2023 06:18

If someone is having to pick up the slack and do two jobs because another person is on maternity leave or sick leave or having time off or whatever, then they should be blaming their employer for not properly staffing the workplace, not the person taking time they're entitled to.
Employers should be properly covering maternity leave as well as planning for a certain amount of staff absence simply because people aren't robots. We get sick or pregnant or take holiday. This is an employer issue.
Mothers are just a convenient and much easier target.

Lunde · 14/12/2023 06:23

5 words at the bottom of the article tell you everything you need to know:

"As told to Samantha Brick"

Yes this is another Samantha Brick clickbait article to get DM readers frothing at the mouth - who can forget her earlier work "Why do woman hate me for being so beautiful"

FrangipaniBlue · 14/12/2023 06:33

While I don't agree with everything she says she is correct on done points as PPs have mentioned.

But tbh I think yab(a bit)u and a bit of a martyr, especially your comments about Christmas.

I'm a mum and I have/do all of these.....

• time and energy to build career
• no loss of pension
• days off are actual days off
• spending time with adults that you actually want to
• hobbies
• enormous amount of disposable income

If you don't, then that's largely down time CHOICES you've made.

Gettingfedupgrrrr · 14/12/2023 06:42

I haven't rtft but I am single with no children who worked in healthcare for years. There was always an undercurrent of tension for every holiday period, Easter, Christmas, summer, which usually came down to the expectation that my single childless status meant I should forego, amend, or change any holiday request for all the mothers/fathers. (This was sandwiched by the resentment of the flexibility I had for taking days off when it suited me rather that being dictated by school holidays. )

Add to this the expectation that accepting an entire caseload of work on top of my own caseload for the duration of pregnancies was acceptable.. On one memorable occasion the person taking extended sick leave post her maternity leave, came back pregnant and then went on early maternity leave in her second pregnancy due to ill health. This obviously was not her fault but there was no replacement and no help, instead off being a 3 man team, at that time, we were a 2 man team for nearly 3 years. As time progressed we went from one pregnancy with one person to someone else or simultaneously. No one acknowledged what impact this had on older or childless nurses work load.

When I eventually started speaking up for myself stating I had equal rights to holiday requests as everyone else this caused my manager to start bullying me for being 'difficult'.

What was interesting was when mothers of young children clashed with each other this made for some interesting verbal exchanges on whose need was greater.

I am all for maternity leave and rights but there needs to be some thought/consideration given to the staff who pick up the slack time and time and time again.

Jifmicroliquid · 14/12/2023 06:44

I agree with some of her points. The reality is that non-mums do have to pick up the slack when parents have to take sudden days off due to child illness etc. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, but it does happen.

Those who are mothers probably don’t see it, but if you are a childfree woman, particularly of a certain age, you really are expected to sacrifice your enjoyment of things like Christmas for other people because they have children.

But I do think a lot of her issues with her job are simply working in retail management at Christmas.

Zone2NorthLondon · 14/12/2023 06:46

It’s the DM, Jeery & provocative to pique interest (and it did)
I work in NHS where staff inc women work 24/7 we all don’t get Xmas off just for being a parent . You just crack on and negotiate and arrange adequate cover.

Passingthethyme · 14/12/2023 06:48

YABU, this is often the case people expect childless people to pick up the slack. The maternity pay is a red herring though, that's irrelevant

jemenfous37 · 14/12/2023 06:52

The point is, maternity leave is proteced by law, as is allowing a parent time off for a child emergency.
Maternity leave is also paid leave (regardless of how much it is) and the company either has to pay additional money to cover leave, or other staff have to cover the absent person. This can place a massive financial burden on small companies (esp if multi-mat leaves to cover) and it is not always easy to provide external cover

There is NO equivalent for care of parents/relatives.
There IS an expectation, particularly in the public sector (mainly nhs or female dominated professions) that the childless (woman) will work because "christmas is about kids, innit?"
Many do take this piss with mat leave (see recent thread about getting pregnant weeks into a new job, or getting pregnant again a couple of weeks after returning from mat leave)

Both sides think they are right, but the parent voice is always the loudest

Goldbar · 14/12/2023 06:52

I can see some of her points but there is a lot of blaming the women themselves for what are essentially management issues. Someone on maternity leave/ sick leave or off caring for dependents - that's a management issue. If it bothers you having to deal with these issues, management probably isn't for you.

I'd agree that primary carers with children (not necessarily women) aren't necessarily always going to be as reliable as others in terms of work. Often they depend on a complex patchwork of childcare and family arrangements to make their lives work and, when one thing comes crashing down (child is sick, nursery closes, grandparents can't take the kids), everything else does as well. To the extent that it's a question of "Oh I just don't want to miss time with my children", I have sympathy, but often there isn't the childcare available (for instance, nursery shuts over Christmas or won't take a sick child).

What would help hugely would be fathers stepping up to do their share and take their share of the career hit. Some do but many don't.

MrsSchrute · 14/12/2023 06:54

I think OP, it's provoked such a strong reaction in you because you can see that she has something that you would love to have - freedom, sleep etc.
But you have something she would love to have too - your DC.
No one gets it all.

CasaAmarela · 14/12/2023 06:55

Oh I've read things by this woman before - she's always complaining about mothers/the way society views mothers. I used to follow her on insta because she used to write about being sober. She even whines about comments about motherhood in fictional books so I wouldn't take much notice of her.

TheaBrandt · 14/12/2023 06:57

Well the reason the working mothers have to push back at work is because the burden of parenting falls on them. So the real winners are the fathers and their employers who get to have children but merrily continue with their careers unaffected. They are the villains of this piece but in our misogynistic society we are encouraged to criticise the mothers 🙄🙄🙄

margotrose · 14/12/2023 07:01

When I worked in retail there was definitely an expectation that non-parents should always be the ones to work Christmas Eve and Boxing Day so the parents could "have time with their kids".

I remember once working in a shop where everyone was supposed work Boxing Day and you couldn't use any annual leave to take it off - except one year they gave someone the day off because it was her child's first Christmas.

It (rightly) pissed a lot of people off and the manager had to backtrack in the end.

RendeersDancingTowardsChristmas · 14/12/2023 07:03

This proves it again, the working world is a mans world!

margotrose · 14/12/2023 07:03

It was also common for non-parents to be called in on their days off or to cover, but there were never the same expectations for parents.

Obviously that's a management issue and not a working mum issue but you can see where the divide starts and why people get pissed off with it eventually.

autienotnaughty · 14/12/2023 07:04

Not read the article I assume it's depressing read.

All women have the potential to be treated unfairly at work . It's not the fault of the other women they work with.

There should also be some thing around men picking up some of the childcare/emergencies slack so it's not all on women.

InvisibleBuffy · 14/12/2023 07:04

Jifmicroliquid · 14/12/2023 06:44

I agree with some of her points. The reality is that non-mums do have to pick up the slack when parents have to take sudden days off due to child illness etc. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, but it does happen.

Those who are mothers probably don’t see it, but if you are a childfree woman, particularly of a certain age, you really are expected to sacrifice your enjoyment of things like Christmas for other people because they have children.

But I do think a lot of her issues with her job are simply working in retail management at Christmas.

Unless we got pregnant quite young, most of us mothers would also have been childless in the workplace before we had our kids. We have been on both sides. The pressures are not remotely equal.

Ploctopus · 14/12/2023 07:05

Retail is a hellish work environment, and it sounds like the shop she worked in was chronically understaffed. Not surprising she’s totally burnt out, but not the fault of working mums.

Original poster
Diaria · 14/12/2023 07:13

FrangipaniBlue · 14/12/2023 06:33

While I don't agree with everything she says she is correct on done points as PPs have mentioned.

But tbh I think yab(a bit)u and a bit of a martyr, especially your comments about Christmas.

I'm a mum and I have/do all of these.....

• time and energy to build career
• no loss of pension
• days off are actual days off
• spending time with adults that you actually want to
• hobbies
• enormous amount of disposable income

If you don't, then that's largely down time CHOICES you've made.

@FrangipaniBlue

I have disabled DC which wasn’t a choice… a bit frazzled after little sleep so probably why the article touched a nerve.

To various - not resentful of women without kids, just feel they are really very privileged and free in some ways (though if they want kids that’s another story). And I have no idea who Samantha Brick is, but I will know in future! 😂

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 14/12/2023 07:13

margotrose · 14/12/2023 07:03

It was also common for non-parents to be called in on their days off or to cover, but there were never the same expectations for parents.

Obviously that's a management issue and not a working mum issue but you can see where the divide starts and why people get pissed off with it eventually.

I have worked in loads of jobs where everyone was called for cover, if someone didn’t come in.

If my daughter was in school and it was my day off I would go in and cover plenty. If aren’t called at all, then that’s an employer issue.

Not a working issue.

Cornflakes44 · 14/12/2023 07:13

I haven't read the article but when I didn't have kids, and I do now, I did feel a lot I had to pick up the slack for mums. Ie they could never work late, never do evenings or weekends. They were often off with sick kids, always got the summer holidays and half terms off. I understood then why but it did feel like younger women were the ones facilitating this often. My opinion hasn't really changed since I've had kids. I'm much less flexible now and if something needs to happen after I've got to go get the kids then someone else has to do it. Often the younger members of the team. It's just the way it is, but kind of not fair. I'm not saying mum's have it easy. They are leaving work to go to their other job but I guess their colleagues don't care about that. Oh and parenting didn't really seem to affect dads as much. You'd never really know they had kids. Which is also shit

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 14/12/2023 07:14

Sauerkrautsandwich · 14/12/2023 05:08

No. It isn't sour grapes.
There is plenty to read about how childless /childfree women are treated at work to a point if any other group was, there would be a tribunal and pay out. And eventually there will be. So far cases in US were dismissed, but that's a case of many now successful claims.

It usually hits around important days, especially Christmas. Unless you have children your life outside work simply isn't as important so why should you get time off.
And god forbid she is single. You know. The absolute nonconforming "freak"...

WhileI agree that she is partially describing retail/hospitality work which is pita, the picking up slack while not having any concessions does absolutely happen everywhere and it adds to already stressful jobs.

I agree. I certainly wouldn't go as far as she has, but women without children are expected to pick up the slack for women who do.

As for being envious of the lives of women without children OP, you made the choice to have them. And many women without children also made their choice, but why are they expected to work Christmas, fill in every time a mother stays home because of a sick child etc. with a joyful willing heart (and not a word of complaint!).

YorkshireIndie · 14/12/2023 07:14

Her point about working Boxing Day is on the company not women with children. As others say retail is hard and when your children are sick they need caring for. You cannot work from home with retail.

110APiccadilly · 14/12/2023 07:15

Everyone has unique challenges. Children who need your care and attention, not being able to have children and the emotional impact of that, elderly parents, no parents to turn to for help and advice, a stressful job, a job that doesn't pay the bills, no job, illness, money troubles, tiredness, worries about extended family, sadness because you're not included by extended family, and on and on. I'm sure most people have at least one of those problems, and those that don't probably have others I've not mentioned.

I'm not sure constant comparing (from any direction) really helps people.

Goodluckanddontfitup · 14/12/2023 07:15

To call it ‘sour grapes’ shows a real lack of understanding of how painful and life destroying a fertility battle can be. The article is written OTT for sure, designed to wind people up. But as a person on both sides of the coin, unable to have kids for years and now lucky enough to be a mum, the fact is that in some workplaces there is a perception that the lives of those without kids are somehow less important, and they should fit in around those with kids and not necessarily pick up the slack, but certainly work the unsociable hours