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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off using childminders because of the ones at toddler group?

252 replies

Strawberrypeachlime · 13/12/2023 20:01

They actually seem like lovely women but they don’t watch the kids at all because they are chatting amongst themselves. Am I being unfair / unreasonable? I get it must be a really tough job but I would just want a bit more.

OP posts:
jeepjeep4 · 13/12/2023 20:03

YANBU I've thought the same when I've been to a local soft play and watched three childminders tuck into a full English chatting away while the children in their care run riot practically ignored.

Bellatrixxx · 13/12/2023 20:12

Omg I have thought exactly the same going to stay and plays in our area and beyond. I get really sick and tired of kids driving little cars into other children, grabbing water bottles and dummies from other children and being downright little menaces….you look around hopefully, thinking their parent will trot over to gently dissuade/stop them, and then realise they’re being “cared” for by one of women having a coffee and a natter with their back to the general chaos. It frustrates me so much! Last month a little boy repeatedly took the dummy out of my crying 4 month olds mouth in her buggy, while I was helping my toddler play on a ride-on and I found myself having to (kindly but quite firmly) reprimand him to make him stop. It’s a massive pet peeve of mine and I think it’s more common than not with childminders :(

Ange1233556 · 13/12/2023 20:12

Seeing childminders at my local soft play have put me off for life! They come in and let the kids run riot whilst they chat and eat. They bring packed lunches for kids (which isn’t actually allowed) and tuck into their full English breakfasts. Kids are always crying / falling out with each other. I had to go and find one childminder last week as a 3 year old needed a wee and wanted my help and I didn’t feel comfortable.

alliscalmish · 13/12/2023 20:14

There was a group of childminders chatting in the park the other day, ignoring baby crying, toddler calling for help on a climbing frame it was much too small for and preschoolers running around a car park! I did feel sorry for the parents of those children as they probably have no idea.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2023 20:17

Totally put me off too, I used to see the same group of CMs in my local area doing the same stuff week to week as me (Wednesdays cheap entry to a farm, Thursday national trust type thing). It was appalling to watch - they’d chat between themselves instead of seeing to the children, leave the kids to cry (and not just a bit, like really cry), basically not interact with them. I could see how lovely it would sound for the parents to hear they’d gone to whatever day out so often but I’d see them myself so often with the kids making such a racket that it really put me off

UsingChangeofName · 13/12/2023 20:18

I'm intrigued.
How do you all know that these people are childminders ?

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 13/12/2023 20:19

I observed the same at a group I used to go to, put me off using a nanny tbh

Wrongsideofpennines · 13/12/2023 20:19

This is not my experience of childminders round here. They've all been lovely and seemingly very aware of their mindees needs.

But I did go to a group in a neighbouring town a while back and they were like you describe - very strange.

JanewaysBun · 13/12/2023 20:23

I had a CM that complained to me that my 5yo needed to hold her hand whilst crossing the road. Apparently she needed her hands for the pushchair and the reception/y1 kids needed to cross on their own whilst dodging the manic parents-parking- on-yellow-zig-zags obstacles!

Bellatrixxx · 13/12/2023 20:23

@UsingChangeofName I know because I explicitly said “Is this little one, one of yours” to the group when he kept taking my daughter’s dummy. And a lady jumped up and said “yes sorry, he’s mine, well I’m his nanny.” I thought that was fairly clear!

Passingthethyme · 13/12/2023 20:23

I think it really depends on the children, I have found that the toddlergroup kids often have one or two feral kids

Original poster
Strawberrypeachlime · 13/12/2023 20:23

There is one nanny at my group and she’s lovely but it is easier for her as she’s only the one child. It must be hard but I think one of the problems is some of the children are a bit too old for the group so get bored and start bossing the others around and then fallouts and upsets happen but the childminders are oblivious.

It must be a hard job but I’d just hate for my child to be crying and ignored.

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 13/12/2023 20:25

If you could watch footage of a typical, well rated day nursery for a couple of weeks it's likely it would be no better.

Daftarchie · 13/12/2023 20:27

Childminder here and absolutely not the case within our group. On the very odd occasion we go to soft play, we find the opposite to be true, parents engrossed in phones oblivious to their child. We're the ones clambering up and down the equipment. Dont be put of Childminder due to a few bad ones.

AhBiscuits · 13/12/2023 20:28

I see one on the way to school every day. Two babies in a double buggy, 4 toddlers holding on to the buggy and 2 older children on their way to be dropped at school. I see them being dragged across a busy road and it really makes me cringe. If those toddlers ran in separate directions, what would she do? I would hate for my little one being dragged out on school runs etc.

ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2023 20:30

Benibidibici · 13/12/2023 20:25

If you could watch footage of a typical, well rated day nursery for a couple of weeks it's likely it would be no better.

A nursery room is contained like a zoo though, those children aren’t inflicted on the general public!

whisperclip · 13/12/2023 20:33

ShirleyPhallus · 13/12/2023 20:30

A nursery room is contained like a zoo though, those children aren’t inflicted on the general public!

Show quote history

Which is worse for the kids

Tiffany88 · 13/12/2023 20:35

We have a bunch that sit outside the school when it's FREEZING cold, babies in pushchairs with no gloves on and snot all down their nose while they are there chatting away for at least half an hour honestly it's awful to watch them kids be treated like that never again would I send my daughter to a childminder she always just felt like a burden to her as she is a bit more of a handful then most children do NOT recommend at all

Original poster
Strawberrypeachlime · 13/12/2023 20:35

I don’t think you can generalise, it might be worse for some kids but I don’t think the children enjoy the toddler group.

I mean we all choose childcare that suits us and our needs. And maybe my child is ignored half the time at nursery, I don’t know, but I don’t think so.

OP posts:
Somethingsnappy · 13/12/2023 20:35

Yanbu. I'm sure that some are great, but I guess you wouldn't necessarily know for sure if that were the case. At a playgroup last summer, one little boy left the centre out the open door. I saw him go and brought him back to the childminder. To be fair, she's actually usually very involved with the kids when I see her at playgroup, but I think she just has too many to watch (about 3 sometimes). She had a couple of babies, and I think she was so busy watching them, that she maybe assumed the older preschooler was to be trusted not to leave! But still, I found it a bit alarming!

SantaBarbaraMonica · 13/12/2023 20:39

The mad thing is that for all the bad childminders there’s probably triple the number of bad mothers about! Just thankful that we all know how to parent and our kids are well brought up and safe.

Original poster
Strawberrypeachlime · 13/12/2023 20:43

Huh?

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 13/12/2023 20:43

I used to see a group of them at soft play when my kids were younger. Always ignoring the kids. Some of them strapped in buggies not even allowed out to play and crying their heads off.
They were absolutely awful and I never did use a childminder after seeing them. I’m sure there are good ones. But I could never trust any after that

LeggyLegsEleven · 13/12/2023 20:43

One of the playgroups I went to had several unpleasant CMs, they clearly disliked the children they looked after.
It did put me off. I’m sure the same would be true of nursery staff but you just don’t see/hear it.
I did see some totally disinterested parents as well. One mum used to tell her child to ‘ask someone else ’ when her DD wanted her nose blowing.

KateyCuckoo · 13/12/2023 20:44

Bellatrixxx · 13/12/2023 20:23

@UsingChangeofName I know because I explicitly said “Is this little one, one of yours” to the group when he kept taking my daughter’s dummy. And a lady jumped up and said “yes sorry, he’s mine, well I’m his nanny.” I thought that was fairly clear!

Only the fact that childminders and nannies are not the same.

It's likely the childminders doing a good job go unnoticed. Certainly I keep a very close eye on my little ones, don't do any school runs and don't really go to public stay and play sessions. We have a small group of childminders that hire a hall and have our own playgroup and we are all very hands on and attentive.