To be put off using childminders because of the ones at toddler group?

[Strawberrypeachlime]

They actually seem like lovely women but they don’t watch the kids at all because they are chatting amongst themselves. Am I being unfair / unreasonable? I get it must be a really tough job but I would just want a bit more.

YANBU.

I’ll never forget sitting in a farm park soft play at lunchtime watching an exhausted toddler constantly being jolted out of sleep due to the shrieks and screams echoing around the barn.

Poor little thing needed quiet, comfort and care and instead he was ignored in a double buggy.

Respectfully can I ask if the Childminders with negative reviews on this thread are Registered Childminders

@Isthisexpected

I am a childminder and think that the reason why so many childminders and parents spend time chatting at playgroup is because it’s their time to socialise with other adults. Quite often they are talking about the kids anyways, about ideas for activities etc. The rest of the day and week they are at home with the kids and interacting with them. They should of course still be keeping an eye on them too. I usually make sure I pay each kid some attention, make a craft with them etc and then try to talk to a few different adults as well while keeping an eye on all the kids

This in your eyes is "appalling?" Appalling?!What do you actually expect?!! This sounds like a good balance. Do you think nursery staff never speak to each other at all at work?

All of the childminders near me seem highly professional.

I was put off a number of CMs after meeting them at toddler group. I ended up going with one who was more switched on.

Registered Childminders are professionals.

If people choose to place their children with non professional Childminders thats up to them, accepted the majority of them too try their best

It's interesting that so many people wouldn't use a child minder because they have seen bad practice in toddler groups and soft plays.
This also happens in nurseries but you just don't get to see it. There isn't necessarily safety in numbers. Some staff teams collude.
Don't make your judgements based on whether someone is a childminder, a nanny or a nursery worker. Spend plenty of time talking to them, asking challenging questions, observing them with small children and seeing how they interact with your child then listen to your instincts. They are usually right.

Nannies are not childminders. Nannies do not have to have any qualifications and are not inspected by OFSTED.

CMs are actually banned from several of the toddler church groups in my area! I can see why as they often lack control. They sit chatting with other CMs leaving their charges to run riot.

Not unreasonable to be put off using that particular childminder. Like parents really, there was a whole range of skill and engagement levels. Some CMs at toddler groups who went round and interacted with their kids and chatted with other carers when the kids were happily engaged in something, like I did. Then there were some who ignored the kids even when they were crying, or hitting, or sitting about in a dirty nappy. And maybe the worst CM is worse than a nursery would get away with - but the best CM can also be as good or better than the best nursery setting.
After DS finding the nursery environment difficult - every time he'd settled into a room they moved him to a different one - we chose a CM for DD who was absolutely brilliant. Her little group of mindees became like an extended family.

I live in a smallish village - 4 childminders.

One is a bit if a dragon - does after school care, so picks kids up, gives them a snack (always oatcakes and milk, fine), tells them to do homework, then they can watch tv. Very strict, expectation of being quiet and sitting inside "nicely". Sort of kind but brisk approach. DC went once a week for about 6 months. So a couple hours a week.
One is amazing - very gentle, creative, maternal, engages with children, appears to really enjoy their company, finds things her mindees will play together. Only does pre-school, my DC loved her!
One appears to be an accident waiting to happen. Shes cheerful, friendly and completely, staggeringly unaware of risk. She appears to really enjoy the children, genuinely care about them, BUT for me, I dont think shes that able to keep them safe enough.
The other comes across as being pretty disinterested in the dc. Theyd not come to harm, she'd not leave them upset, but really she doesnt appear overly fond of them.

I know one couple who watched the various childminders at the stay-and-play groups to help decide who they wanted their child to go to.

We had some great childminders who came to our toddler group (and others in the village). On one occasion, a mum brought her baby, and her older child was there with the childminder; the childminder was definitely still taking responsibility for the older one, even though mum was in the room. Like everyone at the toddler group, the childminders would take the opportunity of some adult company to have a chat, but I can't think of any who were not still on full alert for their charges.

The CM I used never took my DD to soft play. I know the outdoor play areas and playgrounds she used as my DD told me.

She used a toddler group at the beginning then stopped and just hung around with 1-2 other CMs. That ensured parents could have continuity of care.

I could tell you a whole thing about nurseries. All I can say is the best nursery in my immediate area is right next to the CMs and the worst is right next to me.

the ones at the toddler group I attend are generally very attentive, however, they can be really mean to the kids they watch. Of course, there are kind, sweet carers as well, but generally, the Nannie’s are harsh are somewhat mean.

Nannies and childminders are not the same thing.

One of our friends had a nanny before they put their younger children in a (terrible) nursery full-time. We used a CM before our DD did a split week where she went to nursery as well.

I think most people who work with children are usually quite nice, obviously there are exceptions, I don’t think nurseries are perfect, the one I use definitely has its shortcomings, but I suppose there is something to be said to having children of roughly the same sort of age together and with more than one caregiver. I know on the days I have both my children I feel a bit pulled every which way so I can only imagine how childminders must feel, it must be really difficult to meet so many differing needs. And it must be a very lonely job in a lot of ways.

It was usually very obvious on the school yard which adults were dps/gps and which were cm/nannies/au pairs. There were a few occasions where I wondered if I should say something to parents I knew, but it was never quite bad enough. And let’s be honest, no one wants to hear it either, and have to sort out new childcare.

I minded a couple of dc in my dc’s school
for a year, mostly because their dm put pressure on me when she was returning to work. It really surprised me how difficult it was when you don’t have the love and connection that you have with your own dc. I always know where my dc are because some part of my brain is constantly aware of them. You have to be much more purposeful with other people’s dc and that’s very hard to sustain for long periods.

I wish we could talk more openly about these things without triggering the immense shame/guilt/anger that’s associated with our choices to work/sahm etc. If we could discuss these things honestly, maybe as a society we could create better standards and structures of childcare.

@Nonplusultra I can't begin to imagine not wanting to know that my child's childminder or nursery was behaving badly towards my child due to the inconvenience of having to find someone else. The thought of them being treated badly horrified me, you ought to tell what you are seeing

See I think it's lovely they do normal things like go on the school run and the DC need to muck in. Much closer to how children were cared for pre-industrial revolution, too much focused attention isn't good for DCs.

BTW my DS's childminder undoubtedly loved him ( and he her). She was just what I needed as an inexperienced young (28) mother, she was 40 with 4 of her own.

it's interesting the amount of people on here saying they'd never use a cm. in my area they all have waiting lists.
I'm in a very middle class area of London where cm seem to be the preferred choice (after forest school ) bog standard nurseries are seen as a bit passe.

I actually met a couple of really loving caring childminders before I went back to work (I used a nursery). That said I did try a childminder instead of an after school club (trust me that’s not great either, not the women who ran ours anyway, I’m sure one hated kids) and I ended up reporting her for her RSPCA due to a poor dog in her car (thankfully she rehomed him). Glad mine are older now, no damage done by any of these childcare’s, normal switched on adults and teens!

yep absolutely agree- i have 4 older children and having seen the childminders in the local stay and play and then all through preschool and school pick up for 15 years there's only 1 in all that time i would have considered using

the rest just went out on mass creating havoc, ignored kids, were quite harsh in their tone of voice, never excited when a child came out of school with a painting for example- just barking orders at them. Babies stuffed in dilapidated pushchairs being walked to and from school pickup and to and from playgroup pickup 5 days a week - no thank you as always felt sorry for these kids

one CM didn't hang with the rest. She always came across as lovely and kind. Had a nice word for a child coming out of school, and abit of praise for them. If you saw her at the park she'd have the baby out of the buggy on a big blanket and was watching her children and actively engaging

I have a younger one now (big age gap) and it was sad to see some of that group and a few new recruits still at it.

YANBU. I spend a lot of the time at the park (fuck all else to do around here) and have got to know who the CMs are. Few of them interact with the kids. There's one who always looks the other way when her own son starts hitting a smaller little girl in her charge.